hi. I've posted numerous times over the last couple of years. I'm an alcoholic and also bipolar 2.
I was initially diagnosed as clinically depressed about 20 years ago ( I am 48 now) and then 12 months ago diagnosed as Bipolar 2.
The depression was probably a combination of genetics and life experiences ( so bad you wouldn't believe it) and the bipolar a combination of family history and either life or bad luck.
Anyway, putting that aside, I have been on venlafaxine (225mg) for at least 5 years and Quetiapine (200mg) for 12 months.
I stopped taking Quetiapine in January 2016 because it made me fat. I know that sounds very shallow but I put on 1 stone in 2 weeks once I upped my dose to 200mg from 150mg.
I just stopped it and went cold turkey. I had absolutely no side effects whatsoever.
i now want to come off venlafaxine. I've tried before and it's hell.
I can get down to 37.5mg (smallest tabs) but no lower.
Anything lower and I get the brain zaps and constant crying, for no reason.
has anyone been successful? If so, how? Please tell me.
Hi I can sympathise with you. Iv went from 300mg down to 150 but the other night I forgot to take it as I fell asleep on the couch and yesterday I was inconsolable sobbing my heart out and just felt I couldn't cope. Iv never known a drug that's so hard to get off like you I can drop but then my mood and everything goes xx
sorry tp hear about your experience, I am spliting the 37.5 so I take half a day, its not easy but not too bad, I am planning to do this for few month , and if needed i might take the extra half, its a long process
Hi liz why u coming off all your meds arnt u worried about what it's gona do to your mind?? It's makes u more mentally ill than before.. I was on quetiapine too until it made me fat ..they change me to lithium.. & ven.. (sirt & mirt) before that) goin straight on to ven from mirt more or less must stops bad WD I didn't really have any..I missed my meds other night.. I now no what brain zaps are 😕
I want to come off the medication because I don't know who I am anymore. For the last 5 years or so, although I have felt "good" most of the time, I also feel numb. It's as if I am on an even keel. That's probably good but I also want to feel emotion. I don't cry at the bad stuff but I also don't get the elation I should at good stuff.
oh, I don't know. It's weird. I'm only writing on here because I'm going through a rough period. I don't know what I'm doing. Everything is good in my life at the moment. I'm settled and should be happy, but I'm not. I'm crying at the moment and I don't know why. But I want to know why. I'm talking crap aren't I? One minute I say I don't feel emotion and the next I'm crying.
Its so hard. I don't know whether this is just life's ups and downs or if it's depression.
I just want to be like normal people. I want to have good days and bad days and just put it down to "life". Not depression.
i don't want to use depression as an excuse.
Oh god I'm so sad. I can't see what I'm typing for tears.
Im letting everyone down - AGAIN.
I always let people down. I can be OK for months or even years and then it just hits me and I don't want to get out of bed, go to work, watch tv, read a book, shower, sleep. Anything.
Ive mostly kept my feelings away from my son, but he's here today. He's 15 now and knows I'm crying. I don't want him to see me like this but I can't stop.
Hes just come in my bedroom and caught me with a glass of wine.
Oh god, what am I doing.
Listen liz this is the bipolar .. all the things u are talking about.. u can never get better from 😕 I also go this exactly what your saying plenty of times..I think I don't need my meds anymore I'm fine for a short while then I lose the plot.. the only way u can get "better" is on meds ..what we have is going nowhere I'm afraid.. look at your emotions now there all over the place this is because u no longer take your quetiapine your moods are nomore stable.. I have no family anymore I dnt think I did anything wrong bt everytime I come off my meds I'm convinced they are trying to kill me or push me over the edge .. I go really obsessed with things also.. ask your doc about lithium I'm fine on that & maybe sirtraline? ?
Really? Is this the bipolar? I'm not convinced. I don't think I'm ill, I just think I'm mad. Very mad.
Why could I be ok yesterday and completely off the scale today? I don't understand it. Am I a nutter who needs putting down? Do I need to kill myself because I'm a waste of space? I'm worthless. I don't do anything or make a difference to the world. I'm nothing.
Why do I feel so bad?
why can't I be normal?
why do I have to drink? I know it's a depressant and it makes me feel worse.
why can't I wake in the morning and feel happy?
i would if I could sleep.
i can't sleep.
i get into bed and my eyes are tired. Feel gritty and exhausted.
but my mind races and I toss and turn, fall out of bed, and then curl up in a ball on the floor and sob.
oh god I sob.
but I don't know why. There's nothing wrong. Everything is good.
But I can't stop.
i try to read, but it doesn't register. I can't watch tv. It's boring.
i started the crying on the floor when I was 17. I used to go downstairs in the middle of the night and curl up in a ball on the lounge floor and cry.
At the time I was covered in exzema. I am now.
People would look at me and be horrified. It was on my face, neck, arms, everywhere. I haven't had it for 30 years but it's back with a vengeance.
Really liz u need to get back on your meds right all this down how your feeling since youv been off them.. that's what makes you realise they do work.. no they don't do what we want them too ..but they stop us from losing the plot. I swear down u sound like me when I'm off mine. The thing is though that I noticed everytime u come off it takes longer to get better.. bipolar is all about the moods & at the moment yours are doing summersaults .. please listen.. believe me it's took me 3years to realise this .. I'm still low at times more than not but nothing like you are now.. your in the worst place. .pls if u still have your meds in the house start taking them now.. I promise u will regret it.. your never ever gona feel normal again unless u do take that the best u can expect
Bloody hell. I'm talking rubbish.
Its all true but still rubbish.
sorry.
Don't be sorry liz it's good to get it out .
Everyone on this site who is trying to get off gets to the 37.5 and then all hell breaks loose. Work with your MD. Considering your diagnoses there may be something else to help you (did you see about the prozac bridge?) My MD scoffs at that but everyone is different and it may mean that to keep you balanced you many have to accept and live with pills.
You've got to get your MD to listen. If he/she won't, get another one. Also I have found that the meditation that I don't make time for really is putting things in a different perspective. Patience. I plan to try other alternative help too. I get massage and a going to look into tai chi. I can't stand this anxiety( and I am on Klonopin (low dose)) because it just makes me more anxious. I am the only one making myself stress over a few dirty dishes. Perfectionism! Hate it.
This time even taking it when I did I still went through the withdrawal starting about 3 hrs after taking it and it lasted in various forms for days and days! Especially the lightheadedness, hot/cold, weepy, and now the irritability . I haven't killed my husband of 48 years yet but if being really snappy coud do it, he'd be in bad shape
I'm not bipolor and I remember what happened when the prefectionism finally crossed the line to depression. I wonder if I was/am really depressed. A person can be sad and cry and it not be depression. I understand some of this so well. Even keel was good but I don't know who I am anymore. Tried to "protect" my family too because mental illness is so uncomfortable for so many but couldn't keep it in any longer. That
's part of the problem. False pride. To those of you who are hesitating to get help, get your heart attack--- oops!--mental illness looked at.
There is no quick fix but I agree I too feel like I'm doing great like I have been then I notice where I'm slipping. Ect excessive shopping trying to boost my mood, going out all the time as don't want to be in the house. Putting myself down and thinking I'm the worst mum!! My son is 11 and after a long discussion my husband and I decided he should know about my illness as he thought we were keeping something from him. He has been great and when I have these days like yesterday he really is my rock but I don't over burden him with it as I still expect him to not worry about me and enjoy his childhood. I would ask for a medication review with the doctors sometimes it's trial and error with these medications.xx
I am so sorry to hear your story. I think you should talk to your Doctor about sorting your meds out to something that suits you. Coming off is not always the answer. We just put ourselves under pressure because we think we should. We want to be 'normal' but define 'normal' - vastly over-rated. We are, who we are and we need to love us - now that is difficult and sometimes we need help to start to like ourselves. Help is out there for a reason. It is not failure but strength to ask for help because that means we are starting the healing process by our decision to seek that help. What we forget is that, that means we are empowered not weak and out of control. You hang in there and get whatever help you can - and if this includes meds then who cares but you need to get the right meds for you and accept that you need what you need. You will be stronger for it. I am coming off my meds because I no-longer have a reason to take them. I had reactive depression and that situation was resolved many years ago. I am not saying that I won't ever need something but I know it is not the Effexor. I have taken the pressure off me, thanks to the help and support from this chat room and realising I am not alone in my symptoms. Hang in there.
Sorry but it doesn't sound to me as if you should be weaning yourself of medication right no wat all. The medication is not the reason why you feel the way you do or the reason why you don't feel what you want to feel. Your illness is. And the illness is treatable but not when it is mixed with alcohol. Basically it combines into a different kind of drug alongside the meds that does things other than what your drug is supposed to do. It is really very simple, you are overthinking it, that's all. You need help to stop alcohol long enough for your medication to work. You can get to know who you are and feel what you 'need' to feel on medication. Chances are that if you manage to abstain from alcohol you will soon enough stabilize enough to perhaps not even need medication. But you have to be in control first. And that means no self-inflicted addictions in the meantime. You say you are now 48 - this is the worst period in your life to be drinking. You can cause irrepairable damage to your nervous system and your mood and behavior. I am not anti-alcohol, though i no longer drink at all as it does not go down well and makes me feel low for days even after small amounts. But I have seen my mother go through exactly what you are going through. As soon as alcohol was out of the equation she recovered so quickly. She no longer needed medication in fact. Once she was stable for long enough she decided to consume alcohol again. She keeps to moderate amounts now but regular nonethelsess. However, she no longer has symptoms of depression that you are describing. Look into this. Make peace with medication for now and start a war on alcohol instead is what I would advise. Wishing you the best.
I have started going to hypnotherapy and have purchased Yoga and Tai Chi DVDs rather than going to classes as I often just want to crawl into a corner and be alone - probably more times than I should. You are not supposed to change meds when going to a qualified Hypnotherapist and she was quite angry when I went against her 'advice' but we are talking it through and working together on it. I must admit to doing a lot of naval gazing and have had to admit some real hard truths to myself about my personality but deep down I always knew who I was psychologically. It is th tears I cannot cope with because that is not me - I have never allowed emotion to come to the surface, so for me, this is the hardest part to deal with. After three days of tears, I decided to have a 'fix' - I can live with this occasional 'fall' as each time it is further down the road. I mark on a calendar so I can see my progress and it is staggeringly amazing - never thought I would get to 2/3 tablets a month in so short a space of time. Emotion is obviously my achilles heel as I don't get brain zaps. I now realise the anxiety results from me no-longer being able to control my emotions but it is physically and mentally exhausting. Sleep is poor quality which doesn't help. I know I am causing my own problem here because withdrawal only heightens the misery. I am determined to get over this but I need to confront all those little demons that I have buried throughout my life and chase them away. The info I have gleamed from this chat forum has been inspiring and so helpful. I am no-longer alone. I can share things anonymously which takes some of the pressure off. Thank you all for sharing.
Morning Liz. How are you?