Waste of space!!

Mental health
1

Hi all

i have come to the conclusion I am a waste of space and the air that I breath.  am getting closer and closer to the end. 

Been sellling stuff or literaly  giving it away, seen my grand daughters 6th birthday arranged lunch out with a friend later this week, haven't seen for a while.

Don't  say talk to some one, ended up at the Dr's the other night as i was drviing down a tunnel to my death nextt hing I knew I was at the surgery asking to see someone even  though it was after 5.30 it was somewhere safe to go.Spent at least an hour there being calmed down and talking out stuff even the Dr opened up to me about how he coped with things.

Spoke to the Samaritians last night after out driving like a loon sitting there with a load of drugs to take didn;t but it was there.

These thoughts won't go away, evne when working going through the motions just to keep people happy.

Do I really want to die that is the million dollar question?

I don't know? I hate who I am, who I was, things I;ve done or had done to me I have been trying to change but these thoughts palns etc etc just don;t seem to go away.

Difficult to describe explain put on paper put into words, how do I try and get out or off this roundabout until I understand it myself or expalin it to someone.

Seeing Dr and psychiatrist this week too, do I print this off write stuff out and just hand it to them easier than trying to say it or hiding it. don't want to go into hospital again but maybe that might be the safest place to be?

These thoughts jsut suddenly appear and  I react without thinking. I know some day I will not ring someone and just do it, the it being kill myself. There I;ve said it. It won't be tonight or tomorrow but the date is getting nearer and nearer.

Don't all panic it isn't going to be now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you all take care out there and thank you all for your support.

Love you all and best wishes

Tina xx

2

Hi tina so saddened reading yr post. Reminds me of when i just let go of the railings into the canal just floating. Luckily someone saw me even in the dark at 3 am.... i get how you feel and its easier said than dun to say pick urself up each time as its sooo hard. But were here for u. Its not much, but i hope you make it thru. Hang in there hun ;0) xxx lotsa hugs xx

3

I hate you feel this way and believe me I know how hard this can be. I too like everybody have things I have done that is hard to look at and say, I can't believe that was me. It is impossible to forget but you have to try and accept this as the past. What we go through with depression is never understood by those that have never experienced this.It is hard to hear someone say (forget about it that's the past, look forward not back.) My daughter told me to forget that, it's in the past. I was molested as a child. No love shown by my parents and was the maid, babysitter, and cook from the age of ten to sixteen. I still have the suicidal thoughts sometimes but I won't act on them again. I won't let my children live with any thought that thay may have been responsible. You're children have their own famalies and jobs. Thay stay on the run and you are the ones that gets left out. Not just people with problems as big as ours but all parents at one time or another go through this. We have to find our likes and friends to share these or loose yourself in music, art etc. When Im low I put my headphones on and just let the music be my friend. I dance around and no bad thoughts can get it. Give yourself a break because Im sure you need one.take any good times you can and chish them. Killing yourself is not the answer. You make the move to connect wkith others. Call you're grandchild and talk for a few minutes. Helping others is a great way to spend time and it can be rewarding because you get as much out of it as the one you helped. Visit a older person that is alone and would love you spending time just talking.I hope this helps and doesn't seem like Im preaching. I truly want to help you and I pray you feel much better about things soon.

4

Hello. Maybe we can help each other. My anxiety is out of control . I would love to talk to you .

5

Hey thats fine hun. I joined the forum about a mth ago after 6mths of horrendous anxiety. Im luckily starting to come out of the other side fingers xd it stays this way. But its so good to help each other cos we know how it feels. Can u believe a psychi nurse on a ward once said to me dont u know there are ppl who are really poorly whod give anythin to be well.. dont u wake up n look @ the trees and breathe in and think im so lucky to be alive!! God i could of knocked her off the end of my bed if only it was that simple.... its emotional pain so great that all u want to do is die to escape it cant these ppl see thats how awful it is xx but on a lighter note im here talkin to u now hun bcoz each tym it gets better. Cliche i know but true xxx

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All the above comment for tina also xxx lets help each other, :0)

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I have never had anything like this until menopause started and now it's very difficult. I'm going to help whoever I can and try to stay strong until I find someone or something to help.

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Well ive never been good with hormones shelley. & suffered ante-natal depression in the 1st 3 months of my pregnancy 13 yrs ago. I was put in a psychi unit for 6 weeks so im definately v afraid that menopause will trigger something in me! Definately try oil of evening primrose, magnesium supplements, and i think its vit d & b12 natural route but obv these may not be enuff for how bad yr feeling @ mo. Xx yr not alone tho x

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Dear 

I love you so much. Dont even think like this. You are precious to yourself and even to all of us. Dont even think negative. You are not worthless. You are cause of happiness to me !!!

lots of love

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Tina...please at least try to talk to your Dr's first...have you thought about calling a suicide hotline...I think being on this forum is a good start but we are not professionals that can get you on the right meds first so you can then working on your coping skills....we can tell you all day long that suicide is not the answer to what you are feeling but unless you believe in yourself it won't work. Please continue to reach out and hand in there until you can talk to your Dr's.

Ivery felt and still feel sometimes that things get to be too much...I've been really sick for several years and some days I just can't handle it but I've found a good psychiatrist...therapist and definitely the right meds! Please if you feel you want to hurt yourself then check yourself into the hospital or a facility thst can help you!

11

Your so good on here amanda...you're very willing to help anyone who needs it!

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Awe so are u lisa. Im turning a corner.. and know how awful a disease this is. How isolating, painful, just damn horrid as u know. Im v helpful by nature & i believe in paying it forward xx years ago in a childhood full of fear, uncertainty i had a few elderly neighbours & a sunday sch teacher who got me thru some dark times. And their old values i still have today i wouldn't have survived without them. If sharing with anyone on here helps them to seek help and to know it can get better i feel ive done something good as winnie, les, & lillian did for me. This forum has helped me over the past few weeks knowing im not alone xx costs nothing hun to help someone like we all need too. Xx hugs to all x

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It really does help amanda...we all can relate and understand each other...it's so hard to find a "group" online for your specific issues...I signed up here a long time ago about a new med I was taking and my concern...I've since been off that med

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Awe bless xx how are u feeling now? Xx

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I'm ok today thanks for asking...I was having such stomach pain yesterday I almost ended up at the hospital but it has subsided quite a bit

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Ohh no. Glad yr a little better tday xx

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Thank you all so much for your support and comments, managed my day at work. usual put on the face chat to people but it still feels as if I am empty. Went swimming after work to make an effort, home just sitting here staring at the TV not really taking anything in. Dr's tomorrow debating reading to him what I wrote last night. Psychaitrist on Friday debating n telling her about all the truama sheets I completed earlier this year which I didn;t do whne I had my assessment this time last year.

You are such kind, thoughtful and considerate people there to help each other in need. I feel I am unable to contribute to other peoples needs, something else i'm no good at.I struggle to find the right words. 

Thank you all again, I'll keep plodding on for now. xx

 

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Your so welcome. Good luck @ the drs tina. Tell them everything. Lotsa hugs xx