Weird triggers for panic attacks... been living with them for 4+ years now

Mental health
1

Hey guys, I'm new here and have been lurking for a bit. Just want to figure out what's wrong with me. It's a long read but I'll try to separate it out into different sub-parts. I'd appreciate if you could read it all.

WHERE IT STARTED?

About 4 years ago, I was at a small get together with some rich friends who used to take pills regularly like MDMA or amphetamines. I was always into a healthy lifestyle so never took with them, but that night I gave in and took an amphetamine. It was only the second time in my life. We also drank, but other than that no drug history at all.

The next morning, I felt down, and while everyone was eating breakfast, I felt my throat very dry as the food was going down and they a hot flash and had to run to the bathroom in a sweat. I had trouble breathing and my heart was pounding out of my chest. 

The rest of that day, I had similar attacks but smaller. Major ones would only happen when I ate.

STRANGE OCCURRENCES SINCE 

Since that day, I've been living in a shadow of my former life. For the next few months I would have attacks every time I ate anything and sometimes I'd have mini attacks out of the blue.

That's been debilitating on its own, but there were a few major occurrences which have been happening regularly that have me very worried.

1. CAFFEINE

A few months after having attacks, I quit working out because of always feeling I'd run out of breath or I'd have attacks in the gym itself. I got fed up of not going and one day after not getting enough sleep I took a moderate amount of caffeine in a pre workout supplement I'd taken many times before with no problem.

This time, almost as soon as I ingested it (maybe a minute later), I felt my eyes kind of droop and saw red, my breathing was labored, and my heart started pounding again. I went to the ER and for hours I felt like I could just shut off and suffocate or die in any moment.

2. SPASMS

Another time, I was just getting ready to sleep, and was just dozing off when almost every muscle in my upper body started spasming uncontrollably. If it just lasted for a few second I'd have been find, but it stayed that way for over 30 MINUTES!

I got up and walked around, but it didn't help at all. There was no pain whatsoever so I wasn't worried, but it reminded me of the Jordan Hurdes video (the guy who was left with permanent muscle spasms and a stutter from a bad pill).

It finally went away and hasn't happened again, but lasted too long to not be anything.

3. NOCTURAL PANIC ATTACKS?

More recently, I've had two terrifying experiences while sleeping. Usually I'd have a dream, never a nightmare, and something would happen in it to prevent me from breathing (a few weeks ago I was kissing someone and she pinched my nose shut in jest and I asked her why she was doing that) and I would wake up instantly, gasping for breath.

The most recent one was this morning, where I dreamt I was talking to my friend and didn't stop to catch my breath, and woke up needing to sit up in bed and gasp for air. If I tried to go back to sleep, I'd feel like I'd suffocate again. It's one of my greatest fears, not being able to breathe.

SO WHAT IS IT?

Apart from those major events, I've still been dealing with regular panic attacks for the past 4 years. I've picked up exercise again, foregoing the preworkout supplement now, and only drink 1 coffee a day (my caffeine intake was around 400mg or higher per day before).

I don't even know if these are panic attacks yet. There never seems to be any psychological trigger. They used to happen when I eat, now they seem to be happening more when I sleep. 

WHAT I'VE DONE

I've gone to my doctor to rule out a heart problem. The cardiologist did the stress test on me along with EKG. I still am waiting to do a Holter test.

I've also been to therapy but only under 10 sessions. It wasn't CBT though, so must have been less effective.

WHAT COULD IT BE?

I've almost ruled out a heart problem. It's most likely panic attacks, although it could be a neurological issue? It could explain the muscle spasms and difficulty breathing with no trigger. It might also be a gastrointestinal issue.

MY BACKGROUND

I've been a healthy person most of my life. I was in my mid-20s when the attacks first started, although looking back, I can see the panic was kind of there in weird ways. My father's suffered from panic attacks for most of his life. 

I've only swallowed pills a handful of times. It's just been too scary and I've had some stuck in my throat in numerous occasions which causes my heart to race and feel like I'm about to die.

It sometimes happens with food too if I'm not careful when I eat. I don't know if that's related to an anxiety issue. It all has to do with being scared of not breathing. I've only swam a few times in my life also because of this, and never underwater. That's why waking up gasping for breath is so terrifying.

I also notice I have a lot of gas and burp a ton. Sometimes I feel panic coming but force myself to burp to ease the tension a bit. Does anyone else feel this?

CONLUSION

Sorry for the long read, but I'm just wondering if I've taken the right steps and if you guys think it's actually panic attacks I've been suffering from (or if it's heart related, neurological like a tumor, or gastrointestinal).

Thanks a lot guys! I'll be sure to add anything if I remember it.

 

2

A Similar thing happened to me in 2017, also drug related. I started having panic attacks/anxiety and depression suddenly, over the course of a year this has got worse, then better sometimes. With your triggers relating to eating, mine are relating to hearing news that shocks me, or memories that remind me of how i was when i took the drugs. All my issues also started the morning after taking it.

I've tried anti depressants, which did basically wipe the problem away for almost 3 months. But Ive been suffering alot recently since coming off them, so I wouldnt recommend this unless things are critical.

It sounds like you already know whats going on, anxiety and panic attacks, which have been aggravated by substance use. I've read ALOT of similar posts online, people seem to be triggering them from substances. Ive also used MDMA alot over the years, but its never triggered my problem, it was when I started using psychadelics that mine started.

With you being 4 years into this, I still think theres a way to settle things out. The way I see it is once that pathway is created in your brain (sometimes triggered by substance use) it becomes the 'norm', so your brain starts using that pathway more often, hence why anxiety and panic disorders can go on for years. I think the only real way to recover is from CBT, retraining the brain to operate the way it was before the major event that triggered the issue.

 

3

Wow Masu!

Im not a Dr. But it really sounds like panic attacks and anxiety. I've had them and was hospitalized a few times. I've had many tests. I went last summer for a routine eye check up with my opthamalogist and he said I'm clean no brain tumor but go see his friend who's a neurologist and he said to see him soon. That alone scared the crap out of me.  The earliest appt was 3 weeks later. I saw him and he had me go for MRI with and without contrast. A brain scan.  It showed mucus gathered by my right ear which explained the clogged ears. It also showed low pressure in my brain. I was freaked. He felt it was the aftermath of a horrific car accident that I walked out of 🙏🏻🙏🏻😇😇. Post traumatic stress. Possibly you are in this class from the night with the pills! Maybe since its on your mind. I know the mind is very powerful. And it's causing you anxiety. He prescribed me citalopram 10 mg. I looked at the bottle for 5 weeks before I started it. I was having awful anxiety and panic attacks. I'm on it a full 16 weeks and it's helped me incredibly. I don't wish what I was experiencing on anyone. It was a scary three years. I was always athletic and strong minded and successful. I'm not saying the citalopram was easy. It took me up till about now for it to level in my body. The side effects were crazy. But I can focus at work. I have a upper mgmt position in a large corporation and it's extremely high pressure and a lot of stres which doesn't help anxiety. But all my life I've always did better under stress. I would cram the night before before tests. I'm sorry this is lengthy I didn't plan it this way. 

I hope this helps you. I've also cut caffeine out and I'm back to a walking routine sometimes a lite jog. I don't over do it at all. I'm gentle to my body.

will😎