I hadn't been outside my house for over a 2 weeks until yesterday where I had a appointment with a new psychologist. It was such a difficult move for me, but I survived it. I couldn't take the bus to it due of my anxiety so we ordered a taxi for me, but on the way back I even made a busride I hadn't made for longer then a half year. My family was with me which made things a lot 'easier'. Without them I couldn't do this 100% sure. We discussed my symptoms at the psychologist and she thinks I suffer from generalized anxiety. I have to wait a few months till I actually can get therapy.. Because there is another waiting list after the first conversation.I don't know how I actually did this all right now.. I just don't what exactly is going on with me so I wanted to ask you guys. I struggle with myself for 3 years now. It started out with hyperventilations and I slowly lost my entire life. I stopped doing school, working and meeting with friends. I followed therapy for a year, but it didn't help me out enough. When I stopped (a year ago right now) my anxiety became far worse. My social anxiety drastically increased the last half year. Atm, I can't do anything without a family member. Even walking on my own downstairs (I live in a apartement) is very difficult for me right now. Today I took a walk and I walked on my own the way back and I'm just constantly stressing out of coming across people, because I'm very ashamed of my anxiety. I'm afraid of having a panic attack in front of someone, but I'm actually panicking already because of this thought. Opening for a post delivery for example is something I'm afraid to do right now as well and I'm avoiding it for months now. Besides social anxiety I have a lot of other anxiety symptoms as well. I'm super afraid of evil stuff. Like even at small things I start to feel very uncomfortable like a scary image. This may sound very vague so I'll put it in context. One of my biggest fears is being afraid of losing control. Doing something wrong, dying or hurt someone. Especially that last one is something I'm having a lot of problems with. Something creepy or scary is something I'm avoiding a lot. This could be a image where I talked about a few seconds ago, but also just my imagination, a movie or just basically everything. This is something I struggle with a lot and I'm super ashamed for it as well. I feel like that I'm constantly suffering from weird sensation and I think it's bad, because I'm afraid I have no control over it. My confidence is super low as well. It may still sounds vague, but I can't really explain it better. I feel like for that fear of losing control I have to avoid everything. However, I'm still trying to expose myself, but because I don't make progress my motivation is decreasing. I'm suffering daily severely from anxiety for 3 years now. I feel like I'm all anxiety and I just don't get it all. I don't know who I'm under all of the anxiety and negative feelings anymore. That's why I'm also afraid of exposing myself.. I know my avoiding is really bad behavior, but it's just so difficult to deal with this. I ask myself the question what I want in life when I don't have anxiety and I just don't know it anymore. I don't know what happiness and fun is anymore, because I'm constantly so busy with myself. Almost everything in this world freaks me out at this moment it feels like and I don't know how it feels when that was different. I'm just hating myself for who I'm right now at this moment. I don't know how I can change myself so drastically. I had a few triggers of how my anxiety started, but before I had anxiety as well, but it was way less and I could manage to live with it. I'm 20 years old btw. My story is probably a bit vague and that's how I feel myself right now as well. I just wanted to share it and hopefully someone would reply to give some kind of help. I'm feeling pretty lost in this world right now. I don't fully understand myself and I can't see a way out of this. Everything seems so extremely difficult. I know my post was very long, so idk anyone would reply to this, but it would be very appreciated.
HI for awhile I had agoraphobia,avoided leaving my house,it started with my first bad panic attack,that was years ago and until I read about them, I had no clue that was what I was experiencing. Anyway,back then,I began reading a lot and listening to tapes on anxiety. My car was actually my best way to cope. I would go to the store,knowing with my car I could leave if I had too. That made me feel more in control. Anyway,I guess I was using exposure therapy. I would do or go places,stay as long as I Could Stand it,venture around the store as much as I could. Main thing is don't let a possible anxiety attack affect what you do,in the long run,most people are not looking at you,if you did have one,most wouldn't even notice. Just try and let it pass,every time you do,it gets better..I have generalised anxiety disorder,I am hitting a rough patch right now and take an anxiety med,doctors aren't prescribing them much any more..antidepressants, yes. Anyway,back than I was on no meds,but after not letting the panic scare me,that grocery store no longer was an issue. I feel bad for what you are going through. I so hope you get better,just don't be ashamed about having anxiety,so many people have it. I am currently tapering off my med,per doctors orders,it helped me so much. Hope I can cope like I did before starting the med.
what medication are you on?
Thanks for your reply.
I just don't know how to get rid of my problems, because they seem so many and overwhelming. I need to accept myself as a person, but how can I when I am constantly fighting my anxiety and don't know who I am under all of these anxiety? I hate myself for having all these irrational thoughts and feelings. I think I'm a pretty sensitive person.
Can you give me some examples of the tapes you where listening in your car? Unfortunately I don't have my drivers license so that's something that for me isn't possible. I still live at my moms house btw. Actually everything gets done for me at this point. I pretty much hate it, but I feel like I have no choice.
Sometimes I wonder where to start breaking through this. And how long does it take till I finally have room for other stuff then just anxiety and panic when I do exposure. And I feel like exposure doing completely alone is really difficult for me at this moment, that if I do it I only see it as a bad experience.
You're right then most of the time people say they don't see my anxiety. But for me personally I feel like there is very big change they do. It's especially eye contact where I'm so ashamed of. Like I had this appointment at the psychologist and back at the receptionist I was in so much anxiety that my mom had to go to the receptionist to say I was there for my appointment..
alprazolam
This was awhile back. The author is Lucinda Basset. She also has a set of CDS online that come with a workbook. It was a monthly course you could use at home. Used to be t.v. adds for it..I think it still can be found on line. She also has a number of books. I am in the U.S by the way. When I go to the doctor,I feel like a little kid at times,so I understand how hard it is. I get anxiety just calling to make an apt.
If only we could remove the "what if" question or fear we would be happy. Ive overcome anxiety from fearing being alone or doing a daily task and i really believe working on your thought process and setting yourself a goal helps. for example, set your self a goal to walk to the nearest shop. Before you go youll have loads of fears so write them down and work through them logically so the fear maybe "ill have a panic attack and collapse" the response is ive never collapsed before so why would i now! and so on. Also i aways had a feeling i was going mad and would be locked up but my therapist said if i was losing my mind i wouldnt question my sanity and hearing that stopped that thought ever coming back. The hardest thing is... to get to a better place you need to have some positive experiences to support your confidence but the only way youll will do this is by pushing yourself and its so hard but so worth it when youve managed to go to the shop and nothing happened it builds your confidence and youll slowly start do more and more. keep talking your not alone :-)
Yeah, totally true. I'm just super doubting myself which is a big problem. That I'm 'different' then anyone else and that there is something really wrong with me. I didn't have a really positive experience for a long time, so I think it's not weird that my confidence is so low at the moment. It's difficult, because I'm in some kind of loop where I can't break out of it feels like. I worry I am doing exposure completely wrong. I think I'm not really fighting my anxiety when I'm exposing. I feel really overwhelmed by my negative feelings when I'm stressed. Yesterday I went to the grocery store with my mom and I sat down for her to wait on a bench in front. I just felt super scared someone would want to interact with me and that my anxiety would have gone out of hand and I'll lose control. I didn't lose my entire control, but I felt lots or panic. I'm trying to avoid every social contact when I'm in public right now and what happens? My anxiety increases. I think the only way to get out of my social anxiety is to interact and doing exposure to feel just more comfortable outside isn't working when I'm constantly busy with my social problems. All of this is easier said then done of course. It feels extremely difficult. And if I have single 'ok' experience (which I had in the past) I noticed my anxiety didn't go less right away.
Besides this I've told in my other post I have other anxieties as well. Which makes it even harder, because it is not one thing I have to focus on. I don't know how I can tackle all of that. I try exposing to that as well, but it doesn't seem to work.
It's just extremely difficult all of this. It's not tangible and it's all happening inside my mind. It's just constantly without breaks.. Even in my dreams I have anxiety:(