When I am depressed, I ruin myself; it won't stop.

Mental health
1

I'm an 18 year old student that's about to leave college and go on to study Film Production technology at University. The problem is that aot of things are piling up and my natural instinct in a time like this is to bury my head in the sand. This phase stems from failing my driving practical twice, being pressured into finding part time work, and not beung able to find someone who i can talk to about it all. It's also apparent that no one empathises with how I feel, as if they've never been depressed themselves and that all I'm doing is being a miserable child.

It's names like that which I get called all the time and no one seems to be saying anything remotely useful or emotionally supportive. I'm currently lying in my bed, refusing to talk to anyone; I can't even help pushing my girlfriend of over a year away when she tries to talk. These thoughts make me want to not carry on driving, delete my CVS and wonder why I chose to go to university; I'm slowly ruining my life because I'm not ready to become a fully responsible adult.

I feel like the instant I turned 18 that I was expected to simoly move out, get a dozen job interviews and stop being the way I am now. I want to be happy again. I want to stop leading a life of self destruction that comes from moods I never asked for. Is there anything I can do to make things more stable and much more bearable?

James.

2

Do you know if you hear imaginary voices? I do on the tv. Just wondered if that is what is going on with you at the moment.

3

Hi James I'm sorry things are really hard for you. Regarding the low moods you are feeling have you seen a doctor? It may be that you need little help from a GP. I can assure you that there are millions of people that have depression and you are not alone. I too suffer from low mood and I do bury my head in the sand more often than not. People who don't have or have ever had depression or low mood don't know what it's like and can find it hard to empathise. I recommend going to your doctor and expressing how you feel and perhaps getting help in the way of medication and or talking therapy. Hope this helps in some way. Ben

4

I moved away from home when I was 19, and felt the same way as you do. Later when I moved to Sweden and started working there after several years of working my ass off trying to get a decent job, taking all sorts of part time jobs to get by, and finally ending a 7 year relationship (with kids), I was quite depressed as well.

I moved away from home because I couldn't stand living under the same roof as my adoptive father. THe entire situation topped it self when he pulled his shotgun on me for reading comic books two days before Christmas, in stead of doing homework. He refused to listen to me try and explain that I was actually reading them for a school project. A minimum 60 page analisys of a subject that was to be delivered in the spring. I ended up changing my subject to my favorite author at the time to satisfy him, but got in turn too little time to do a decent job on it, and got a poorer grade than expected.

Back to the shotgun insident. When he had shoved the barrel up my nose I told him with a calm voice to shoot. He'd be the one that would have to live with it the rest of his life. I didn't care.

He packed away the gun and the day after he took my sister with him and left for a 10 day vocation in Spain. I didn't talk with him again until after I had moved out that following spring, and that was first after he and my mom got divorsed some years later, and he had re married. We only spoke that one time, and never since. He's hiding out in Spain, Today I think he's hiding out in Spain after an incest case where he had abused his daughter (My step sister). I witnessed against him in the trial. I wasn't actually in the court room, but was interviewed by a police officer where I live. Allthough he never abused me in any way, he did treat me like I was his personal slave. Since I was 5 years old and until I moved out he was constantly giving me jobs to do that most grown ups would not have managed. For example when I was 7 he tried to force me to dig a ditch that was 20 yards long, three feet deep, and three feet wide. He wanted the job done in three days.

So you understand that moving out was a huge impact on my life. First off I had about 400 Dollars of income a month to get by on, and the room I rented cost about 300 $ a month. That was in 1989, and 100$ a month to cover schoolbooks, food and clothes was way under the poverty limit even in those days.

I fell imediately into a depression like yours, and only maintained my job, and spent the rest of my time either sleeping or out fishing so I had some food on the table. I slowly got over the depression and told my self that I had to change my life or I'd end up in ruin. I had some really tough years trying to get ends to meet, and I still do, but now I have a home of my own, a great girlfriend. Together we have a beautiful little daughter, and my two boys from my previous relationship come to stay every summer. They ahve both grown into some really great teenagers.

So my advice to you is to is to lie low during any depression period, but keep up your work, and rather catch up on the rest when you feel like it. You may use a couple years or two extra with your studies. That's OK as long as you reach your goal.

5

Thanks for the advice I'll see what I can do about it within reasonable time.

6

Thanks, Ben I'll see about going to a doctor within the week and hopefully something will come out of it.

7

I don't hear imaginary voices, never have done. I do think a lot about certain phrases that people say which make me feel low; I often repeat these short phrases and analyse them far more than I need to. I perhaps wouldn't class it as imaginary seeing as I'm merely remembering it but thank you for your concern nonetheless  

8

Hi I moved away from home at 18 and went to London.  I didn't know a soul and became very depressed - so much though that I cut my wrists and ended up in a mental hospital for a few months.  I realise looking back that I was far to immature to look after myself and do all the things I had to to survive.  I learnt some very hard lessons but did eventually learn to be an adult.   I had to grow up very quickly if I was to survive.  But survive I did and had had a reasonable life since. 

Lessons learned the hard way are the ones that stick.  x.  

 

9

And James. My best advise would be to stay away from any psychiatric drugs if you can. If psychiatry gets their fingers on you, you might be locked up to use their drugs and even going in and out of psychiatric wards for the rest of your life.

I was actually head hunted to work with so called "problem children" from the time I was 15. And later I was contect person for psychiatric patients. The scary thing is that every single one of these people where normal teens until psychiatry got a hold of them, gave them labels, and pumped them full of drugs.

I'm not saying that you will end up going down that road as well, but be careful. it is a fine line between pulling through and getting trapped.

10

I completely agree with you; resorting to substances to feel better and get by in life is completely wrong in my opinion.

11

Go and see your doc and consider therapy

12

then maybe you read too much into your self analysis James

13

I'll try and see a doctor without resorting to things like anti depressants etc. Thank you

14

I do criticise myself a lot; high school made me feel like everything I have to do must be perfect and I'm trying to shake that off to some effect.

15

I know how it is; I won't elaborate but I've been in a similar situation. I'll make sure that my head is clear from now on

16

That's a good  reply but don't forget ad's have their uses in making your mood better so you are more able to tackle your issues either by yourself or with counselling.  It doesn't mean you will be on them for life,  nor will they change your personality,  but a little help can do a lot.  x

 

17

I've always believed in not taking use of substances in order to make things easier on myself; I'm currently attempting to cope by trial and error. I appreciate your opinion although I am skeptical of ADS. X

18

Hi it's not so much a case of making things easier for yourself, but by accepting help when you need it.   After all if you broke your leg would you suffer and do without painkillers?  

Many people can get out of their depression by themselves or it will sort itself out over time.   If you can do that then great.   But some people need a little help.  x

 

19

I myself don't wish to be one of those people that requires help in such a regard as I find this to be inconvenient, embarrassing and shameful. I suppose I'll let fate and/or god decide. X

20

Ah I wondered if this was behind it.  There is nothing shameful or weak in having depression or any mental health disorder.  It doesn't mean you are inadequate and less able to cope than others.   Depression strikes at random at anyone regardless of how 'strong' they are.  

Your choice though.  x