I am a gay man in my late 30s. I have always enjoyed receptive anal sex. For several years, I have suffered from piles. I've had them treated various times but they always came back. The surgeon advised me to have a haemorrhoidectomy, which I did. This was six months ago. The first few months were tough going but then everything started to settle down, and I felt more or less back to normal. Except for sex. I can take something up to a certain, fairly small, girth. Then the pain kicks in. I'm trying to loosen myself up with toys, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm really worried I may never have a fulfilling sex life again. Grateful for any advice.
Hey Matt, I've suffered exact same thing and all I can say is you really need to give it some time. What worked for me was a standard butt plug and plenty of lube. I can't be any more graphic. Your haemorrhidectomy has kinda reset your body, and you have to go through the discovery again of working up to bigger sizes. Just relax, listen to your body, and take your time.
Thanks RD, good to know I'm not alone! Hope long after your op would you say you were back to normal?
You gotta listen to your body. For me personally, it took around 4 months of regular use. I feel all is back to normal now.
Ok, thanks 
Hey guys, very glad to read this. Most forums go way off into the first 5 days of recovery or how to have better BMs after fistula surgery, even if it is supposed to be about (receptive) anal sex after a hemorrhoidectomy. I am a 40 yo male, bottom (and I really love being a bottom) and I gave myself an external hemorrhoid after a particularly rushed weekend of enemas, pushing hard to clean out. I didn’t even know you could do that. I have zero pain, itching, etc. I wipe gently just to be careful and it doesn’t bother me....except for the totally depressing and life changing fact that I can no longer receive anal sex. Super, super bummed about this. My understanding is that it will never go away on its own so I will never bottom again. Of course the surgeons I’ve spoken to (and everyone else in the world) say don’t have surgery unless you absolutely have to and why would you even consider it if you’re not in pain. They say it as if not being able to receive anal sex is no big deal to me.
Point is, how is bottoming going for you now that it’s well after surgery? Are you able to enjoy it? Will I ever be able to relax and go big again?
hi, i am a trans woman and i just had surgery on september 10. dr said i had a papilla, fissure and hemorrhoids. i guess i've been lucky that i haven't really felt any pain at all and feel now like i'm almost healed now. i have a doctors appointment in a little over a week. hopefully the doctor will tell me i will be able to have sex soon. i was gonna go slow and start with some small plugs and work my way up. i've been wanting to have sex so much lately too and it's so tempting but i think its best to wait to til the doctor tells me it should be ok.
Thanks so much for this thread. I had the procedure done about three months ago. Took me a little bit longer than "normal" to heal but I feel totally fine now. I attempted bottoming for the first time post-procedure last night and was like, "whoah, this isn't going to happen." I thought maybe I just needed to relax into it as I've always been kinda "tight" but this seemed a lot tighter and more painful (in a way different than the hemorrhoid experience that went away immediately and didn't linger on and on afterwards). I've noticed that fingers are ok with lube (Even just that would activate my hemorrhoids previously) but not really without lube. I had read this thread in the initial days post-op but didn't quite understand it the way I do now. I'm glad to hear that some were able to get back to normal. I have found myself in the past couple of years (yes, years) somewhat avoiding sex as a result , which i think might be sending unintended messages to other partners. I'm wondering if someone might be willing to share how often and for how long of periods using a butt plug to expand things was helpful. Thanks to everyone for their openness. It's been very frustrating to me how little information there is out there about this and doctors seem clueless about this part!
What kind of a surgery did you have? Stapled or open or laser haemorrhidectomy?
I have my surgery tomorrow. I getting a stapled one and I just found its not recommended if you are into anal!
Please help!
My understanding is that you don't want the stapling procedure done if you bottom. I had a couple incisions done to remove mine.
Really glad I found this discussion topic. I'm a 42 gay man, and usually a bottom. Had a surgery for hemorrhoid removal 3 months ago. This week I thought I was ready to try anal sex once more, but it was surprisingly painful, as if i wasn't being able to relax enough. Was a weird feeling, not being able to take my husband even being so used to it for years. Tried with a small sex toy, and felt as if I wasn't relaxing enough again. Maybe the memory of the post op pain and discomfort are still too present, and the internal involuntary sphincter isn't relaxing at it should. But I feel more confident now I see it's a common feeling. Guess it will be small steps till getting used to just relax and enjoy again.
Hi! I am 33 yo married female. I had surgery for this about 6 months ago. Before the surgery I could take all of my husband but now even the slightest finger there will make me bleed and we have to stop. He goes slow and is gentle. Have you experienced anything like that happening ?
First am so happy to find this and am not the only one so on 27 of dec i had my haemorrhoidectomy surgury and it went very well and it did not take a lot time for the recovery but i get the hemmorrhoid back on Feb now am full recovered and get ride of it for good i try to get back the anal sex as am 38 years old bottom and i love anal sex my first time was ok even though my partner size was smal but still i did not enjoy , while i was fingering my self i discoverd there was circular line of staplers still inside the anal canal i called my doctor and i asked him when it will fall down , he said it will stay there for ever am freaking out now as this staplers ring is preventing me from having normal anal sex be carful coz i read in an artical that pushin big size in the anal canal while the staplers still there is risk of penile injury or condom damage
have a nice day
So a follow up to a previous post of mine... i actually continued to experience pain with receptive anal sex after that post and have only just recently (a full 10 months after the procedure) been able to fully participate and enjoy it. Up until then it was kinda like it was before the procedure where I could only bottom for a couple minutes and had to stop. The difference was that I wasn't experiencing lingering pain for the next week and a half or so just from that short of a time engaging in sex. It was maybe a day or two instead. But I've recently been able to fully engage, even with someone who had a very large penis, and I experienced no lingering pain for days afterwards. It's like the old days before I struggled with hemorrhoids. So after 10 long months, I can finally say that I'm very happy to have had this procedure done.
Sorry to hear that. I must have had a different procedure to you as I had no staples. I have to say that sounds horrific!! Were you told in advance about the staples?
My follow up. I'm 3 years on and have come to the conclusion I will never enjoy anal sex in the same way again. I can do it if the penis isn't too thick, but there's always this part which stings and feels like raw muscle is being rubbed, even with copious amounts of lube, desensitisating cream, poppers etc.
hi, can you please be more specific about things that you've done during these 3 years to get back to normal. Its been 4 months now after my recovery, and 6 months after the surgery. I didnt try any butt plugs or different size dildos. Ive tried only fingering and it seems to work ok, but only when i do it. When it comes to my partner fingering me, it doesnt feel like fine, but i guess its still my post operation memory that doesnt get me mentally comfortable. Anyway someone here said it has to be till 10 months. I have also read in a different resource that it takes from 6 to 12 months for feeling ok. But i didnt thought that even after 3 years you are still not back to satisfying anal sex. Please share what methods you tried and maybe what worked good or bad.
Trust me, in 3 years I've tried everything. I saw a second surgeon who helped me to finally heal properly, but the tissue is permanently damaged so I will never have the same elasticity again. Desensitisating cream helps a bit, as does thorough douching beforehand, but I'm never going to be how I was.
I would add that I don't think you should put too much emphasis on X months - everyone will be different.
thanks for sharing all that. What about the other surgeon? Is there a way to do an "enlargement" surgery or something to loose it a little bit?