Hi Ana, I see ya post here like a year ago,just want how things going. I'm am also in the same situations. I'm 29 also and been having,nervousness all my life. I'm always shy,I get anxiety and yes wen I make mistake I get this feeling like I want cryi. As a child i was 9yrs old That's how it'll all started when I make mistake I'll get in trouble i get nervous and I cried. I was always shy around people or in crowded. Growing up as a teenager I so nervous every,shy,I get anxiety, and depressed. I talk to myself all the time. I got bad grades cause I can't even ask question to my teachers,I was so shy. I get the nervousness when everyone looks at me. When im around my family it's different,but I'm out there I'm shy. Am now a mom of three kids,very overprotective over my kids. They are smart and different as I am,they just like their dad brave and smart. I'm unemployed,I want find an job and work to help my husband. It's hard cause I'm nervous around customers. Hoards for to communicated and eye contact with other people. I want to go to college but I feel like I might fail. I never had a good grade the yrs I was in school. I didn't go to college cause I got kids to take care off and with the support of my husband by my side. I hated myself all those yrds of my life from childhood till now. I feel like a failure,my husband hated the fact I always think negative. It's hard for me I've been up and down my weight,I get depressed and stress a lot. I don't know what to do with my life.
Hi Ana,
Just read your post and although it was over a year ago, I see that people are still replying, so here goes. Some food for thought. I obviously suffer from the same symptoms that so many people here have posted, and I'm not trying to oversimplify, but I wonder how many of us are highly sensitive people; or HSP I believe it's called; a phrase coined by psychologist Elaine Aron back in the 90's. The more I read up on this, the more sense it makes for at least myself. I would be curious to know if anyone else can relate to this after reading up on it.
this sounds like it could work for me thank you!
I often say things that are muddled and a bit nonsensical due to the fact that I'm trying to say the right thing to please everybody. But now I will be honest with myself and say what I really feel. 😊
Ok i should have read the rules first. Big surprise there! Anyway Anna, I am so glad you posted!! You are first person in my life who feels like me and has felt forever. I don't know how to be able to talk one on one of we aren't allowed to pay email addresses. I'm sure you ate as cautious as I am about personal info. But an email address? Maybe they will approve it but I doubt it because it did have my email address so we could corrispond one on one. Anyway, went to the dr for testing results. Severe generalized anxiety, depression and adhd. Maybe that's why I'm sitting here an hour early by mistake. Better early than late right? ! Not really when you screw stuff up constantly. I'm going to see if there is a group in my area because finding you describing me is so helpful. First time ever in my life. People are sp critical because they can't see it but it's paralyzing! ! If I was in a wheel chair and physically handicapped instead of mentally handicapped, I would have all sorts of help instead is laughing because Diane can't remember anything or is a ditz!!! Almost lime to have a sign saying go easy on her, she has impairment!!! I'm so down because people are so ignorant about this condition. I don't like askingmyhusband of 33 years to do anything because I've wore his patients out. Then expects me to liKe him? Overly critical , yes i think your so sweet WHEN YOU THROW YOUR HANDS UP BECAUSE I ASKED YOU SOMETHING YOU CLAIM YOU TOLD ME ALREADY THEN YOU STOMP OFF ..NOT! Makes you feel so stupid when you know your not! !! Feel free to tall to me. You may not feel this way but at least you don't live with bad support. You don't get judged at home! Need encouragement and friends like me! Have 2 bff but they hate when I have to ask questions after spouting it all off and I didn't get it. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression and adhd. Hate my life! Happy when alone! OK less miserable. Thank God for all of you!!!!
ORIGINAL FIRST POST:
Omgosh! Thank you so much for sharing this! !!! I feel like you did when you read the other persons post for the first time. I'm sitting here at the wrong time because well it's part of what I do screwing things up. I'm like you so much. Not a un-intelligent woman just totally not understood. Went to a dr. For testing results last evening. Of course my husband thought it was the "blame game" reaccuring. The thing where the dr. Is saying this is what she does because of generalized anxiety. I have grown to resent him because he's so critical of my disability. The doctor said guys have a hard time being compassionate even taught to hide feelings. Hubby even put his hand up for a high five! Dr said I'm not saying it's the way you have to be. If you love her, you will help her. SO SICK OF PEOPLE! !!! I lost my job Jan 2, 2015 after 23 years. I used to be able to function. I'm so glad you understand. NO ONE IN MY CIRCLE DOES! I have 2 friends left. One gets very frustrated with me because I'm also adhd and when people talk I have to ask questions because I miss pieces of what they said. It would be nice to corrispond with you or anyone one on one through email. Just feel like wow it was meant to be I find this post this morning. Thank you I am so glad you decided to post! !!!Are you in into us or the UK ? I'm in the US. Hope to hear back. Need to make friends with our own kind lmbo!!!!
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No you're not the only one. I feel like I'm going crazy too I don't feel like the same person anymore. I get scared of everything because I'm scared of getting that feeling. I try to manage it and when I do I'm fine but once I go into thoughts it all starts again. I think we just need a distraction in our life's. I think of the future n get anxious and scared for it. I've been sleeping until last night. But we will all be fine we just need to learn how to control it. Over million people are going through it even though I feel alone sometimes too but we can get do it life is too priocus to sit here n worry
Hey, i used to be like that, you need to stop focusing on the external and control the internal, working on yourself internally, my advice to you is to watch teal swan videos, take what's help and leave the rest. I assure it will work. I used to think a lot feeling exhausted, I didn't know who I was, wanted to end my life, I felt like running when I go shopping, but now I'm better.
I keep beating myself up with thoughts that I'm going to be stuck like this forever and it scares me I miss being the happy old me with no worries. Do you think I will get back to the way I was. I can't eat i get nasous 
and I get the fear of being alone. I just wanna let this feeling fade I keep telling myself it is temporary. I worry about the most littlest things and make them into bigger things. I just don't wanna wake up with this feeling anymore
I know , i used to be that way, every time I'm eating i hv to eat alone, if someone show up where I'm eating , my stomach tightens its like I'm feeding myself just so I don't lose weight, but I could feel the food its like ur not satisfied mentally and u still feel hungry, and its had to describe how I'm feeling to people because I couldnt even explain to myself how I felt. I spent two months in my room, i even covered my windows, I couldn't feel the days passing by like i was in a dream asking if this world is real , i stopped going to church, bit I'm better now, like i said, i started watching teal swan 's videos and this other guys video on how to grow yourself internally to know myself, and then everything started to make sense
Well, Anna, really sorry to hear that. Happy that I am not alone after reading it all (excuse me for being selfish here). I was a great guy about 6 years ago, everyone loved me, was very cool, hardly lost temper. I was so confident that I knew I can do everything and anything I want. Then for some reason (which I still don't know why) my girlfriend ditched me. I loved her so much, I died right that day when she got married and I started living my life just for the sake of living it and not with any interest. Then days passed by, I got job, got married, worked harder, days and nights to get something good in my life in order to try and get at least a bit of happiness in my life. That earlier incident changed my life, I became a dumb person, never got promoted, never got good hikes, girls liked me but I could not take another chance as I was so broken deep down in my heart. I promised myself that I will never let my wife down and will try to be a great son at the same time. I am always scared of making mistakes which I generally keep on doing. If I stand by my wife, mom hates me and if I stand by her, my wife hates me. I got high blood pressure with anxiety. I get very angry at times and sweat a lot. I am proud being a great dad and husband, my wife loves me a lot. I love my wife and my family a lot. But something is wrong with me.. I always somehow manage to find my mistake in the things which I may or may not be responsible for and then I keep on thinking about it. Today in the playground, a kid about 10 started slapping badly to my daughter (4 years), I saw that and lost tamper, ran towards him. He ran to his parents and I eventually had a great argument with that guy. I am not able to decide what is right or wrong. I have people around but I am alone. I am drowning slowly and don't like it.
I really don't know Ana, what the hell am I doing. I no longer have feelings for my girlfriend and badly want to change myself to be confident and live my life to provide good to the family but you know, something has really gone bad in me which sounds about not curable. I don't want to live like this. I need a break from this unnecessary fear that something bad will again happen. I need a break from everything that bothers me. I want myself back.
Hello Ana, If you still check in on here and would like to talk or exchange messages please contact me. I too have never posted anything before or commented on any message boards before but this really hit home. The only reason I'm not just in boxing you and posting public is for the hopes that maybe somebody might read it and know what is wrong. I see alot of people say they've felt the same but yet no one really has answer to what is wrong If we could know a name for it maybe we could research it and figure out how to beat it. I used to think I was smart, witty, charming and smooth talker. Ive had girls say "you always know the right thing to say don't you". But now I can't go one day with out saying something stupid it doesn't matter if I'm talking to a girl I want to get to know, my friend, or a complete stranger for just a couple seconds. I end up feeling embarassed and ashamed and can't stop replaying in my head what I said and what I should of said. Depending on the importance of the situation I might still think about stupid stuff I said a from years ago constantly torturing myself all day long where I can't concentrate on anything else. I'm sure I'll regret something I say in this message 5 mins after I post it. Like you said I feel like maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but I feel like Im going crazy and can't control it anymore. I dont think I would so please no replies saying don't do it but Im to the point where I want to commit suicide. I've never been diagnosed but I'm sure I have boarder line personality disorder with a cocondition of some sort of anxiety GAD, Social, and/or PTSD. I've been fairly clean for the last couple years but I have done a lot of drugs in my life and I don't know if I have a condition that can be fixed or if drugs have screwed up my brain for good. I feel for you Ana this is no way to live. If you figured out your condition or have found a way to help you cope please share it with me I need your help and I will help you if figure something out.
Hi guys! I was so surprised (and almost cried) when I read Ana's first post which described me to a tee. I am 29 and I have gone in and out of this mindset several times throughout my life. The symptoms I feel when I am in this mindset are:
- Loss of train of thought.
- Fear of being judged (not just by others but also by myself).
- Frequent mind blanks and low mental energy with the constant feeling of uselessness to follow through with what I am thinking or focusing on.
- The feeling that I am doing something wrong or I am about to do something wrong.
These symptoms cause me to:
- Have trouble saying what I want to say to people (including friends, family and lovers).
- Look stupid in front of other people.
- Always look sad, worried or anxious in social situations (but also when I am just walking down the street with passing traffic I feel like I am being judged and I feel uneasy).
- Not want to be around people (when really I would love better quality relationships).
- Think of myself very critically and always second-guess myself..
..The list goes on and on but basically I decided to write this to give my two cents on how to overcome this unnamed mental disorder because as I mentioned "I have gone in AND OUT of this mindset several times". I am surprised that no one has found a solution as this thread is over a year old. I am even more surprised that no one has a name for this disorder. I am guessing it is a shoot-off of depression. We can call it Timpression
Anyway after reading through everyone's posts I noticed we are all in stressful situations either with stress from our jobs or in the middle of a divorce or a relationship break-down or we are simply alone with virtually no support network. Being exposed to these negative feelings for a prolonged period of time will cause them to intensify and will eventually manifest into some kind of physical or mental illness. Personally I think we've got it pretty good compared to some other types of disorders out there
So the solution is to feel happier. You will find when you are excited to do something you won't lose your train of thought. When you are excited you will know what to say and it will flow effortlessly. When you are excited you will know what you're doing is it right because of how good you feel. Get as excited as you can. Below are some things which worked for me:
1# Start taking action (however little) to reduce stress in your life. Of course we are all doing the best we can given our mindset but I am sure there is some action that you can take that will further reduce stress in your life. For me it was to take up a new hobby (bodybuilding) because that got me out of the house and helped with confidence. You could start going for walks at night or reduce your hours at work or ask for help to get the work out of the way. You could go online and start chatting to the opposite sex just to make friends and have fun where mind-blanks are not as big a deal because they might think you're just in the kitchen making a sandwich You guys get the point. Do something different because whatever you have been doing up till now has not worked.
2# Look at your beliefs and see which beliefs do not serve you. I found that I was holding onto the belief that it was bad to be selfish.. I saw myself as a good-caring person if I put other people's values above my own. This is a mistake. This caused resentment in me which would build up and overtime I would end up exploding at people (especially people who I knew were taking advantage of me). On the flip side when you put yourself before others you are much happier and will have an authentic relationship with all involved and others will enjoy your company much more because they will feel the authentic you.
Another group of beliefs I found were these high expectations I had of myself. You know, to be smart, funny, charming, always knowing what to do and say. These expectations were rarely met which caused me to feel really bad about myself. I realized I am all of the above just not all the time. Sometimes I say funny things, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have nothing to say. It's okay
Another belief or tendency I noticed within myself was that I was VERY critical of others. I would judge them and analyze them and form opinions about them. It's no wonder I thought others are doing the same to me! I realized that I had to ease up on being critical of others so I could stop being critical of myself. I recommend a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown which helped me take pressure off myself and addresses the critical thinking mindset.
3# Break people-pleasing habits. It's impossible to keep yourself happy all the time so what chances do you think you have of keeping everyone else happy all the time? If you keep yourself happy you put yourself in the best position to make others happy. Everyone is responsible for making themselves happy. If they decide they need you to act a certain way in order for them to feel good then they are destined for disappointment at some point. If your highest value is to help someone (because it feels good) then the help you give will be positive and make you feel good. If you would rather do something else but give in to helping someone then resentment will build and you will not feel good about yourself. Feeling good is the most important thing. Things I did to break out of the need to please people were:
- See conversation as something to entertain me instead of something I have to react to or have fear of potential embarrassment. I would ask questions that I am interested in or I would tell stories that I am interested in telling. If there is nothing I am genuinely interested in talking about I will be polite but just go away to do something I want to do. This got me in the mindset that the most important person in my world is me.
***I feel like I should explain that even though my feelings are my number one priority it doesn't mean I don't care for others. In fact it makes me care more because treating people good makes me feel good. So the difference is I treat people good because I want to and not because I have to. This distinction has a big vibrational difference which affects how you feel. ***
- See interacting with people as opportunities for you to be happy instead of another potential reason to feel worse about yourself. You can have a really good time with people and relationships can be very satisfying. Get excited when you have the opportunity to talk with people because it is a chance to feel happier!
I am sure these ideas will help those of you like me if you put them into practice.
Hi,
I honestly felt as though what you wrote, i could have have written, I just wanted to say be strong because things can only get better, and i say this from experience, every day feels like a constant battle of emotions for me, they are high one moment and crash incredibly low the next.
Im scared of so many things, of being wrong, of being right, of people judging me, of people looking at me, of people being near me
I worry about everything i say or do, i hate being in large groups as i feel as though it just gives people more of an opportunity to judge me
my parents worry about me a lot but i always tell them im fine a few days after whatever has upset me when i speak to them, I try to be strong because I feel as though I'll just crumble and also I feel as though no one would care
I see other people and they just look so carefree, they have loads of friends, people know and like them and then theres just me, I dont know why everything in my life feels so complex, and i always feel so inferior to other people, i always feel like they have everything i dont, they are prettier than me, have more friends than me , they have more of an interesting social life than I do etc etc.
even though i have really supportive friends i feel as though they dont remember me or i am the last person they think of, I feel as though people only care about me for a season or when it suis them, they dont care about me after they have gained from something from me
for example, there was a time that a ' friend' told me that after our a level exam she didnt need me anymore, that she didnt need to talk to me anymore, I was with all our other friends but i felt like i was going to pass out, her words hurt so much but i couldnt let it show at that moment in time, when i got to my room i cried for ages until it felt like my head was going to explode
the reason why im saying all this is because i want you to know your not alone and that if you dont mind me suggesting, you try praying or visitng a church, sometimes you can receive comfort from places you'd least expect
I know you shared this a while ago but i just thought I'd say something because your words struck a chord in my heart
hope your well
I feel the exact same. I'm 20 and I cry almost everyday about being judged by people. I overthink everything. I can't tell anyone because I feel like there isnsowmthing majorly wrong with me. I see a counsellor and I feel better that day after the meeting but then I feel low and worthless the rest of the week. Help
Hi Ana
Just curious to How you are feeling now.I have anxiety to and found that going to the gym has really helped.
Hello, I've been feeling the same way and I think I am getting early alzheimer. I am in school and it seems like I am doing good but in reality I keep forgeting things that were just mentioned to me. I took my finals and I completely left out 2-3 questions unanswered. I have a 3.5gpa but Iam not sure how i am accomplishing these things. I have no self confidence because I failed at everything--at least that what I see in myself. other people think I am doing good because I am passing my classes but there is a lot that they don't know.
hey ana…I relate so much to this, I too can't help but think/care about what other people will say about me and I hate myself for that..I too feel stupid and like you said whenever I make mistake or something stupid i just hate myself and feel embarrassed and kick myself hard for it for days and when it flashes my mind I go on hating myself again, its just hard to forget. similar to you I try not to interact much with people because when it happens I tend to hate myself after it, and I feel Im pushing my friends away, I'm not talking with them , I always give excuses like oh college got me busy, exams and stuff while in fact I just want to be alone and all by myself
I too started thinking negatively about everyone and I hate everyone, due to that I feel I'm hated by everyone too lol..ever I’ve known myself and I'm like, in this fear of being judge by people, I lack confidence and I have weak personality I doubt being able to defend myself because I just suck and im stupid and I hate my self for that
when I first posted here it made me kinda feel better 
It's so good to know that I am not the only person that feels like this. All this time I felt that I was the only person. I have been constantly told over and over again that i'm stupid despite having completed a college education. My co-workers all seem to think that i'm stupid which makes it very uncomfortable for me at work. I feel like I dont fit in their as i'm always being judged. I try not make mistakes or say stupid things but i'm human not perfect. My collegue always makes it his point of duty to tell everyone in the office how stupid i am. I've heard people in the office calling me stupid, I hear it repeatedly. I've even now started to believe that maybe im not that bright after all despite doing ok at school.I dont often say stupid things but maybe my actions arent that smart at all. I am struggling with my self-esteem and being constantly called stupid isnt helping it. The sad part is i'm 23 years old, at my age I shouldnt be feeling like this. I should have been more secure in myself by now.
Hi All, I've been suffering for around 8 years or so. I don't want to say I'm better or worse in my experience, in case that is how I come across. I truly sum anxiety similarly to ana in that I was experiencing a general anxiety about my professional abilities, being surrounded by highly capable minds with promising direction and promise, and feeling like I couldnt carry my own weight anymore. One thing that seperated me is that I was doing very well at being shallow without realizing my anxiety.
When I had anxiety but that it was quirkiness and awesomeness: I was loading up on skills, and I was, like you all, very aware of everythign going on around me on the surface, simply because high anxiety levels let you see more of whats in front of you. So that I was able to give myself some direction. I also had lifelines that were people I trusted with my life, and loves and dreams that kept me going.
My theory, and I've been a part of many different anxiety research groups, is that anxiety has to do with forgetting why you dreamt about doing a certain thing, forgetting why you have a certain kindness or a certain set of very human values. PErsonally I forgot that I was brought up to dream big but to be a good citizen. I was so confused as to why I wanted to be a leader and why I valued it. Its because I grew up building castles and things that I didnt have but wanted to have and because I was just like every other kid, trying to live a certain fantasy. I was taking insane qualities I wanted in my dream life and making them my own, before focusing on simple qualities. I eventually worked on being a good semaritan and citizen and that got me a lot better. My anxiety was manageable to the point where I was aware of what it meant to be too proud and even narcissistic and I was able to put myself first without making those a priority (this was something I did before, but not knowingly).
The bottom of the bottom for me, was one day everything simply opened up for me, that deep soul we all love was flowing through me completely and gratefully, and then two days later, it was gone. And I felt like I was given the gift of life and no anxiety and then it was gone. After 2 years of intense fear, which is described famously as "our greatest fear is that we are more powerful then our own belief", I was finally ready to be civilized. Anxiety was going to be my buddy that popped by rather then some bag on my back (or rather a bag over my head) .
The more you let life flow through you and the more you allow people and places to be a part of your day, the better yyour anxiety will be in my opinion. In my opinion, knowing about anxiety, learning coping strategies was not as valuable as reading, and practicing my vocabulary. In a job or school it is hard to make the quota and be confident. I have only two pieces of advice, mostly though, I hope you wake up feeling normal and you go take part in things that educate you and show you a good quality of life. whether that is going places, meeting people, writing a book etc. repetition and commitment to life is important.
OK so actually that was one so two more points.
first you can either focus on yourself or focus on others, but by allowing yourself to do so you need to ask questions of others so that you can see things clearly. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ERADIC OR WIERD. just civilly as themif they have ever tried a certain self improvement thing or a certain group thing that you are interested in. ask them what perks/ bonuses they enjoy for ideas on escaping depression. build your knowledge that was something I needed to hear. (but also, If someone calls you names is it something you did? or is it something to do with them (aka self absorbed. SOmetimes no one calls you anything but you assume its coming, in which case simply prepare for a better conversation then the one you think will happen.).
Secondly, let the mistakes go for now, Last year, I asked myself what was I doing searching through new music? new books? new movies? that were old but I hadnt liked before...I was anxious about not liking things I think I should have aka the road not chosen. Its a big part of anxiety because while the first suggestion I had has to do with learning to swim (working on personal or group values at your own pace), this point has to do with your navigation and your compass. My advice here in metaphor is trust your compass and your heart, but what I really did last year was say ok, the music I liked when I was younger was the music I like, and I am happy with the direction I am going in life. It may sound stupid but being able to say out loud what you are alread yconfident about is huge in being able to say what you are confident about in the future (someone said lets build a spaceship instead of a car, and you once said ___was your favorite style, favorite place. accepting that stuff and being happy with it is confidence).
It takes a long time to get back on your feet sometimes, sometimes it is super quick. Everyone is different. Be yourself, be generous, be ok prioritizing dont settle for waking up grogggy, never settle for that!