Constant fear of cancer after losing my dad

Mental health
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I've never joined a forum like this, but I thought it might help to hear from people who have a history of anxiety like me. 

My dad passed away almost 2 years ago from lung and brain cancer that was not genetic. I grew up with anxiety, but for the first year after his passing, I was so numb that I didn't feel anything at all. Just this past year, anxiety hit me like a truck. 

I essentially watched my dad die, and thoughts of illness and cancer consistently consume me. They eat me alive, and the hypochondria has just gotten worse in the last few months. I started going back to therapy a few months ago, and I also was prescribed Prozac about 3 weeks ago to try and help the hypochondria (it usually takes me about 6 weeks for Prozac to kick in fully). 

I ALWAYS think I have cancer. Right now, I think I have thyroid cancer. Last week I thought I had an enlarged spleen and stomach cancer. In the early Fall I was Googling symptoms to different illnesses I thought I had at least 10 times a day. All I can think of is my dad's body and this demon of cancer taking over him, making him forget who I am, killing him. I've thought myself into panic attacks by convincing myself I'm terminally ill. 

Does anyone know if this is common after losing somebody? Or is this more of an anxiety thing totally separate? I've seen so many doctors out of fear, blood work, thyroid test over the summer and everything says I'm fine. My brain tells me I'm not. I feel insane. Any advice anyone can give me would be really helpful. 

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Dear you, ive been the same and im so sorry you feel this way. I also watched my father died he died in front of me from prostate cancer - he died in agony and his face haunts and tortures me day and night. My issues maybe slightly different from yours but the effects are the same, he made my life a misery through his abdonment and unlove but I was still there for him at the end. I wish I'd told him how his actions have blighted my life - im in counselling too and I hope one day to forgive him for the anxiety / health anxiety, trips to hospital convinced of a heart attack, panic attacks, total fear, constant checking , insecurities and mental torture he left me with. It's still early days for you but in time you will recover . Sending hugs.

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Hi This is a normal reaction for some people. You have had the tests so now you hqave to think that things are okay with you and your anxieties are just that. Anxieties and that you are safe and secure.

​Perhaps some counselling to help with the poat traumatic stress disorder may be helpful.

 

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Losing a loved one is never an easy thing to emotionally deal with but when also dealing with anxiety, it makes dealing with grief even worse. My best advice to you is that you need to find someone you can trust and just spill your feelings to this person or group of people..

One of the things anxiety and grief feed on is our repressed fears and sadness. When we keep it all bottled up inside, things will go from bad to worse because the anxiety and fear will have something to feed. Please friend....find someone you can talk to, make as many posts as you need here and do what you can so you wont need to bottle up those feelings you have inside.

I'd know.....I'm going though the same thing. I'm getting abit better every day.

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Hi hurricanehope, I had a similar experience with my dad getting melanoma and he diden't even know he was ill until his pumanorary cfound

the masses in his lungs and liver, it was a shock to hear

the doctor tell me an us he had 4 months left, we were VERY close, I was in my mid 30s,and have also had aniexiety all my life on some level.

We kept him home and I did all the research I could to find a doctor to help, finally did but we had to trave to San Francisco for

the gama knife (very new) then, well long story, but we ended u bring home and kept him in a hospital bed with hospice. I watch him slip away such a horrible experience

Shortly after his passing I started with EXTREAM anexity, was put on many antidepressants and benzodiazaphens, my experience also came with a condition called burning tongue syndrome, which i have

to this day, comes and goes. I stopped all antidepressants however the anxiety and burning tongue still remain, I have seen many doctors and a couple of psychiatrists, but al they want to do is give me more antidepressants, which I will not take again, I known how you feel about thinking you have all sorts of medical problems.

For me what helps the best is to try to do breathing techniques, meditations, and try to eat healthy, with at least 22grams or more of protien a day. Exercise has also been helpful, but the docs so far just don't know how to help. Money is an issue so I find just talking to a close friend or friends really is therapy. I know it's easier said than done ,but try to stopp

from thinking you have all these diseases, it's robbing you of living the best happy life you can

I have also just turned it over to God, and let it go, bless you, and I hope some of my rambling has helped, sorry for this reply being so long, Margaret32368

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​Fairy28

​You did everything you could and have nothing to reproach yourself for. 

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margaret May I ask you how you cope with the burning tongue syndrome and what it is due to in your case? Many thanks

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Thank you, it's very hard and look at a photo of us together when I was little and wonder why. Sad.

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hi lou are you still on this forum? havent heard from u for a long time, how are you? i hope ure betterXXX