Long story short (ish):
My boyfriend of a year and a half told me he has suffered from depression for many years. The reason he aditted it to me was because he would be there one minute then the next not speak to me for days without any warning.
That went on for awhile, but recently it got much worse. We were perfectly happy and fine (our relationship has been pretty strong minus the depression) and I lost my temper after we had plans and he just ditches them which happens fairly frequently in our relationship. He says this is the only way he knows how to deal with it and it doesnt have to do with me.
These past 2 months have been different. When i expressed my anger for taking my time for granted, i stopped hearing from him for over a month! Not one word. I tried to reach out to him but he would never reply to any messages. I finally decided to call him to ask how he feels and if we are still together and he could no give a 'yes' or 'no' answer- only 'I dont know'. I asked if it was the depression or just me and he replies 'this is what im trying to figure out'.
I know the common answer would be to walk away..but i truly know he doesnt mean what he says and really does love me and it's the depression talking.
How long could this last for?
Obviously have felt so heartbroken from all of this, but I think I have made myself too available. He always knows he can do that and me just forgive him. Should I just wait for him to message for now on and show him what it would be like me not always being there?
I'm LITERALLY in the same boat. Here's the link to my thread: https://patient.info/forums/discuss/depressed-boyfriend-dumped-me-please-help-me-make-sense-of-this--403263?page=0#1350196
I don't know what to tell you. We were also pretty great together until he started feeling low again. I'm just giving him space, not contacting him, and I guess if and when he wants to contact me, he will... until then I don't really think there's anything I - or you - can do...
It's tough..but I feel giving them space is what they may have needed all along to allow them to build themselves again? Hopefully when/if that successfully happens, they will realize and come back. Only time will tell sadly.
At least he didn't break up with you explicitly. Just leave him alone for now, don't make him feel pressured that he has to be there for you as well, and he'll be back - if that's what you want. I don't want that anymore 
I feel relieved being out of my relationship, as selfish as this sounds, but mine was also very emotionally and verbally abusive.
Oh and the 'I don't know' answers - standard. No point even pushing for anything explicit. I threw my ex a party just 2 weeks ago for his birthday, and when I asked him if he wanted to see his friends on that day: 'I don't know.' 'Do you want to see me?' "I don't know' etc. etc. - you can imagine the delightful phone conversation we had. He was very happy to have his birthday party though... and then dumped me a week later.
Yes, not to be too needy is the answer.
From your post, I feel like you haven't been selfish for a long while so now it is your turn. When you show that you dont need him, that will show him the respect you have for yourself that he wasnt giving! Good job for being strong through a VERY challenging time.
And the 'i dont know' make no sense to me. How dont you know if you want to be in a relationship or still love me? Shouldnt it be straight forward, even if depression is a factor? Confusing.
Yeah, you probably sense that I want him back. But I know that it would not be the right thing. I don't think it's about 'neediness'. Look at yourself - you didn't hear from him for a month!!!! If you want to hear from your boyfriend, hug him and be near to him after a week of not talking - does this make one needy? Let alone a month! You're the strong one, I would not have lasted this long (I usually last for a week before I demand answers why he's behaving this way). There's a fine line between someone being depressed and someone being an a**hole. The illness might make them act a certain way, but it certainly can't be separated from the person.
Yeah, mine 'doesn't know' either. He only knows that he's feeling 'empty' inside. My other reply is getting moderated because I used a curse word But to summarise: I thin you're the strong one if you can go through a month of no communication. I don't think it is needy at all to have your own needs and wanting to hear from your boyfriend at least once a week! I certainly wanted and needed that. It is not like some women who send their guys 30 texts a day... mine wouldn't reply to one and I'd leave him alone.
Yeah I dont know how I have done it. I just asdumed it was a bad depression episode and had no clue he was confused about us. Right now I see very little effort, so I feel I need to let him miss me and know what it's finally like to not have me there.
I'm doing the same 
So far one week and I am beginning to feel better and every now and again I start hoping that he doesn't contact me ever again.
Just a comment on the 'I don't know' thing. I have been in the situation where you just don't know and it's horrible. He obviously cares about you otherwise he would say either yes (lie to you) or no (just dump you). He is probably being as honest as he can possibly be with you, frustrating I know but unless you want him to live a lie then there is literally nothing more he can do. It's probably tearing him apart inside and part of him probably thinks splitting up will be better for you anyway. Its hard but I would sit and wait if you can. But also look out for yourself. You're not responsible for how he's feeling and if it's too hard for you then that's ok. Good luck
Thank you for your advice.
The frustrating and confusing part is just how out of the blue it is. I think me letting him go for awhile to give him time to respect himself will hopefully show him i cant put up with the silence but allow him to have this time he needs to gain respect for himself that he was lacking.
Hey girls
Ive been suffering with depression and can say the only thing im completly sure of is the fact i love my relationship and thats all i want.
Some men are just to weak to tell the truth and its mean, if gives false hope and ends up hurting you im the long run...
If there unsure of what they want thy should just say they need a few days to sort there head out and speak to drs.
Dont think they realise how hard it is for youto just get a "dont know" !
Stace x
Well that is the nature of depression unfortunately. We push people away. You should not be angry as he has a serious illness. He has depression, and you will have to accept that his behaviour can be erratice.
You don't sound as if you are accepting that he has depression and taking it personally. Many of us, me included, have lost relationships because of depression. We find them hard to sustain. It cannot answer how long it will last, that is an impossible question to answer.
Be patient, and give him space. Be understanding and supportive. Yes wait for him to contact you, and he will if he wants to. Please don't be so hard on him.
I'm in the same boat as Leah. I was also dumped by a depressed boyfriend, who blamed all his unhappiness and depression on me. Yes, I would hold him accountable to his despicable actions (such as cheating on me, lying, being cold and distant), but we've just had a really good, loving month. And then out of the blue, he throws me away...
My problem now is that it has been 9 days and today I get a phone call from his work that he hasn't shown up and that he told them yesterday that his depression is really bad. I would have thought that since I was the cause (according to him), he'd be happy and relieved. But apparently this is not so. Now I am happy to jump, go over to his place, give him a hug and help him as much as I can. But he hasn't contacted me since the day he dumped me, so I don't think he wants me to. Any advice?
Hello, thank you for your advice!
I have been as nice as I can. I would wait around every week or two and I would get ditched because he wasnt feeling well. I never yelled at him. But no contact for over a month then to find out he isnt sure if he still loves me and wont meet me in person to talk. Im trying to be patient, but should i message him to take a break and have some space for him to think about our lives to be content with it?
Also, is it normal he is able to go to work even though he hates it and able to talk to his friends over Facebook?
So I sent my ex a text saying that I'll always be there for him if he's having a tough time etc. Turns out he's back with his ex from 4 years ago. He didn't go to work so he could spend the day with her (something he never did for me). Oh well, I feel like such an idiot now. I really regret that I sent that text 
Im sorry
Dont regret the text though- do not message him again. Show him you are not accepting that and that youre okay without that in your life.