Ok, so I've been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder a year ago and have been going to therapy for a while but then I stopped going because I couldn't afford it anymore. It did help while I was going but ever since I stopped it's been getting worse. I'm a student and exams really get to me. The stress and expectations are just too much. I'm on edge all the time anyway, but exams really push me over the edge every single time. I don't go to class anymore because I feel like very anxious and I'm afraid of being trapped (I always demand the seat at the end of the row, because it makes me feel I can escape). I'm having trouble with practical classes, because they are often performed in clised environments (you can't leave at your own will). And it freaks me out.
Lately I haven't felt like going out much, I feel most comfortable being home alone and I don't really like to hang out with anyone (except sometimes with my boyfriend). I've been having some issues going to sleep, I hear someone walking around my appartment, I get up and check the locks, then investigate my appartment and go back to bed. I repeat the pattern sometimes. I tried sleeping with ear plugs and it helps some but it makes me very anxious and it takes a while to fall asleep. I can't really take showers at home anymore either. I feel very exposed and I feel like someone's watching me. I constantly open shower doors and check for intruders. I fear someone is going to break in and rape and kill me and I feel the most fragile under the shower. Sometimes I don't shower for 3 days (I know, gross!). Anyway, I'm failing in almost all of my classes this year, I will fail another exam in 2 days and my parents don't know about my issues. I just feel useless, hopeless and weak. My motivation is non-existent and because of anxiety I can't concentrate one bit. I feel like giving up on everyting ... :-( Anyone with similar issues? What should I do?
Tell your parents whats going on. You need support right now and some help. Your anxiety levels are getting worse and this isnt something you are capqble right now to handle on your own. You have a lot of life ahead of you and it would be lovely for you to be able to experience it. Pleas, please let your parents know exactly whats been going on.
That would probably be a good idea but I'm afraid to do it. They don't even know about my panic disorder and I'm very afraid they won't take this seriously.
They expect a lot from me and have always been very strict, the pressure they put on me is making it worse, no doubt about it. Don't get me wrong tho, they've always been really good parents, caring, supportive and all, and I really don't want them to blame themselves for it ... It wouldn't be fair to them. Idk. It would be so much better if I could do it alone, but since I'm broke and miserable I guess I'd need a miracle ...
You need help immediately. You should contact your doctor and ask what you should do. And you should contact the colledge where you are a student and ask them what you should do. You need to talk to the person in charge of teaching in your department and inform them immediately of ytour difficulties. You need to ask around, talk to people, ask for help. You are suffering from a mental health condition of extreme anxiety and asking people on forums like this will not help you.
They will listen to you, they love you. Just try it. How will be successful otherwise you are in a crisis right now. Most likely one of your parents has the same issues as you on some level. Some of these failed coping mechanism that make people have panic disorders are taught. So dont be scared because this is your life too and it would be so much easier and happier to have support. You are punishing yourself so much, you are not a failure you just need some help right now. You can write it all in a letter to them describing what is hallening to you and that you need help to learn how to fix this so you can become successful. Please listen to me this has become bigger then what you can handle, it is okay to reach out for help.