Hi all I'm new here as finally admitted yesterday to my husband about my drinking habits. Ive been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night mostly after he's gone to bed. Hiding booze topping up bottles of spirits with water so he doesn't know I've drank it. Taking bottles to bottle banks to hide it and most recently taking time off work so I can drink in the day and be sober when he gets home. Only done it twice but it's frankly terrified me as to why I would do this. So yesterday I sat him down and told him everything. Thank god ive a supportive hubby he's been concerned about my drinking for years but it's escalated to this since our last child left home. God knows why I've got a great life stressful job but money a great home. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I don't want to admit this to a Dr it's disgusting behaviour. Thankfully I didn't drink yesterday and apart from a little anxiety I'm fine. I know I now have to abstain I am an all or nothing kind of person that's how I kicked fags years ago. So today is day 2 but it's really scary to think about dealing with all the things that will come up socially with no booze. How do other people manage?
Hi Helen,
Well done for sitting down and being so honest with your husband, such a very brave thing to do, and I'm so pleased that you have his support and understanding also, as it is so difficult for both of you for different reasons! You will get so much advice from people on this forum that are far more knowledgeable than I am about the best course of action for you. I first joined 7wks ago and have received so much help ... I was drinking up to 2 bottles of wine a night and had done for some time... now unlike you I was unable to just quit anyway as I just did not have the willpower, but the reason I'm replying to you is without wishing to put the fear of god into you, I was advised by a councillor and on here that to quit and go into withdrawal when I had been consuming what I had, could be dangerous without a doctors support and appropriate medication! I am currently using a method called TSM The Sinclair Method but as I say there are several people on here far more qualified to advise you so hang on in here as I'm sure you'll hear very soon! Good Luck, and be strong, you've taken the first step and that is one of the hardest (sorry for cheesy cliché 😊
Thanks Kerry it was hard but it was time to own up to it. I'm actually physically ok. I recently had a period of 4 weeks with no alcohol as I was dieting. I just need to stay away from it now permanently. Going to be hard to be in social situations with no booze but I'll take it one day at a time.
That's brilliant! I wish you all the best with your recovery!
Thanks I appreciate the support 👍
There is no need to feel guilty and ashamed, AUD (alcohol use disorder) is a disease, and like most diseases it doesn't affect everyone. But for those it does, they need help, help that the medical profession is not very forthcoming with.
Why do you do it? Because alcohol has changed your brain, the balance, you now do not feel normal without alcohol. Your brain is constantly thinking about it. Some people can just stop, but many only manage for a period before the cycle starts again.
You need to become ambivalent to alcohol, not resistive to it. If the latter, you will be in a permanent battle with the thought of having a drink, and it wears people down and they are either permanently miserable or give in.
I bet you spent all day yesterday thinking about not having a day and the thought kept popping up in your head, oh go, you know you'll feel better.
Fortunatelt there are medications available that can reset your brain, so your day is not filled with thoughts of having a drink. The main two are Campral and Selincro (the TSM method) and I would seriously think about going down that route. Someone will no doubt post a link about the TSM method, I would find it, but I'm running late.
Hoep that gives you some help.
Hi helen
First off, well done for accepting and admitting drinking has become a problem for you, that's half the battle.
Roll back 20 odd years ago and your post would be my story. Supportive husband, no money worries, nice home, good job. In fact nothing to make me want to escape into oblivion.
Your counsellor was correct in saying not to stop drinking completely straight away. It can be dangerous and even fatal in some cases. Hopefully. You'll be ok, but should you start to suffer withdrawal symptoms (google alcohol withdrawal) then you need to seek medical advice immediately.
I don't want to be pessimistic, but from a personal point of view and I know of many other people, (except Robin!), it's very difficult to maintain total abstinence without medication.
I had numerous attempts at being abstaintant, the longest 4 years. Basically you need to reset your brain about alcohol, which is what medication does.
Theres two different sorts of medication The Sinclair Method or TSM. Again google TSM. I've never used that method so will leave it to the many other members who have, or still are using TSM.
The other medication is acamposate (campral). which is what I successfully used. It's an anti craving drug, and when taken correctly, takes away cravings and thoughts of alcohol. I took it for 12 months which enabled me to get my life back on track. I do drink socially now, but no longer secretively and alone, and I don't touch spirits.
"I don't want to admit this to a doctor, it's disgusting behaviour " actually AUD (alcohol user disorder) is a recognised illness, and you should not be ashamed. In fact any good dr will (or should), recognise that your admittance shows your commitment to addressing the problem. You've nothing to lose except your pride, what does it matter what anyone else thinks.
Campral certainly helped me in social situations as it didn't bother me at all not drinking. Before campral I avoided parties etc, or if I had to go, I hated seeing other people drinking and having fun and couldn't wait to go home.
Good luck. I'm not saying you won't be able to stop, this is only my experience
Hi
I started my reply a couple of hours ago, but only just finished it and sent it. It reads like I've copied you!
However, you know the saying "great minds think alike" lol!
good to hear from youl
Thank you for your support. I actually didn't want to drink yesterday nor do I today I just want to get my life back on track and stop feeling ashamed. The thought of drinking and my behaviour terrifies me. Im going to give absolutely 100% to abstinence and if I find it's getting to hard I'll go down the meds route. I'm also going to try to find a private counsellor. The thought of speaking with a DR just fills me with dread and humiliation. Sadly I am proud I'm the strong one in our family I carry everyone else the go to person. Maybe that's half the problem since my mom died 14 years ago there's no one I can talk to. A counsellor might help.
It will be hard at times Helen. But well done for 2 days and for being open with your husband. Possibly you may benefit from meds but there are some who have done it without, such as Robin.
Months ago i was the same as you, hiding bottles and drinking like mad. The effect it had on me and my family was devastating. Without going into a long story, i lost my family for a while. They moved out and everything. There is nothing that can describe that feeling trust me, all down to me drinking. It just isnt worth it. Everyone i believe has there own rock bottom and for me that was it.
But while there were some blips along the way, my family and I are now getting back together. Moving to Scotland with them over the weekend! I am determined that there will never be any drink again.
I didnt do meds myself but did attend support groups and a councillor. Yes it has been hard but it can be done. I think like Robin has often said, you want to get to that point where you can walk down tesco wine asile and not feel tempted.
This forum offers a lot of help, all very supportive. I never would have got through the last four months without it to be honest. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders in terms of helping family and all that, maybe its time to step back and think of YOU for a while.
There are various books that may offer support to you such as '' stop drinking now'' by allen carr. I read this back to back. Im not saying its a miracle but it does make you see drink in general differently. It will be ok hun, somehow you can get there. Also mind if you feel tempted to maybe say to your hubby. It helps to maybe make you just not do it at that moment. When you have got used to drinking so often there are points when you stop when the ''voice'' comes back in your head telling you its ok. But i have found that it does pass after a few hours maybe, so important to keep busy and as i say be open with your husband. Use this forum if your tempted too. We are all here for you. I hope you keep in touch xxx
Thank you Sharon thank god I've admitted it before I destroyed my family the kids just think I like a glass of wine. They've shown concerns over the years but theyve no idea of the extent of how bad it's got as they've left home. Good luck with your move and well done to you x
Hello Helen and welcome. First step taken is the hard one - which you have now completed and passed. From now on it is going to change.
Your post shadows myself. Same as you - 2 bottles of wine for me - but taking bottles to the bank - check - topping up spirits with water - check. Feeling disgusted - check. It goes on.
I, personally, have dropped to 2 glasses from Monday to Friday - I only did this by tapering each night little by little to avoid withdrawal. I have been at the old bottle for 40 years - athough this last 2 years went haywire and led to 2 bottles a night.
I still have a bottle on a Saturday and Sunday in order to sleep otherwise it is 2 hours max sleep each night for me on 2 units. I have done this without any help. Did not fancy Alcohol Recovery (doc referred me after I fessed up -but no thanks) nor AA - not my scene.
Meds are a huge way to go gathering from the success stories on this forum and maybe of consideration.
I have not, as yet, read any return comments but will do so now. I know that the responses will be great and just what you want and need to read.
I am sure we can get you sorted and you will feel a different person.
We are always around.
G.
You will get there in your own way... take it day by day and eventually the days add up. As i call it, dont let the ''voice'' take over. I know what you mean about being an all or nothing person and i agree stopping all together is the only way. Not only was i drinking moat days but also one was never enough. My partner and i used to row about it all the time... id promise to stop and then a few weeks later, back on it again. But no more. Your family, health and well being are whats important. Try the book i mentioned maybe. Like i say we all have helped each other on this. Brilliant people! Take care x
Thank you Gwen I really appreciate the support
Hubby bought in some alcohol free fizz but not sure if I shouldn't just be breaking the habits and associations what does everyone else think? Does that keep the brain thinking about booze?
I bet you spent all day yesterday thinking about not having a drink and the thought kept popping up in your head, oh go, you know you'll feel better
Yep, spot on! That was definitely me on the numerous occasions I tried to give up. 12 months on campral was a piece of cake after the first week.
I don't want to sound unhelpful and it's probably just me, but why do you feel paying for a private counsellor is fine, but telling a free doctor fills you with dread and humiliation? What's the difference, apart from forking out paying someone.
Hiya
topping spirits up with water! The times I did that. Was once mortified when OH offered a friend a drink of his very expensive old malt. Problem was it was still in its box, but full of oxo and water. Only similarity was the colour!!
Actually I didn't I just felt ashamed. Same today, I'm sure there are going to be things that trigger me to want to but 1 day at a time
Medical records. I don't want it to be on my records