I'm desperate please can someone help me find more support?

Mental health
1

I have had depression for 20 years.  In the beginning I had to be out in to an inpatient place for 6 months.  Over the years with both medication, self-help books and the massive help of my mother I have managed to cope.

My mum died nearly 5 years ago.  Since then I have not managed so well.

Recently I realised I had a problem with the painkillers i was being prescribed for a medical issue and I am coming off them.  It turns out that they were the glue that was holding me together.

Now I am in a terrible state.  So down, signed off work, under the care of my GP, changed medications, been put forward for CBT (not heard anything yet) and have been paying for a counsellor - none of this is helping.

I actually sat in front of my doctor and said yesterday even though I have always strugggled with suicidal thoughts I could not do that to my daughter, she is 15, how could i put her through what broke me?  However over the last few days I just want to die.  I cannot cope feeling like this anymore.  I am the only wage earner so I have to go back to work but how can I when i can hardly get out of bed or wash?  I cry literally all day sometimes.  I get no pleasure from anything.  I love my daughter and my animals but what good am I to them in this state?

My question is where can I get more help?  I have looked at private clinics and they are so expensive no-one but the very rich or those with health insurance (which I would never get for depression) could afford it.

So what do I do?  Where can I go? Who can help me? I have no other family its just me and my daughter.  I have been signed off for my endometriosis so work don't know I'm depressed as once that is on my record you get labeled and I think that atitude to mental health has NOT changed and employers do not want someone who could end up having loads of time off.  Do I finally admit to work that it is depression? I am at the beginning of a new career (I resigned from a very good job to retrain) so I am on very bad money at the moment.  It would probably mean I would not progress - I cannot continue to live on the wage I am on.

I just need to be taken away and have some intensive therapy without the stress of life.

I am so afraid, the minute I wake the mental pain hits me in the face.  I really cannnot do this for much longer I am so desperate.

Is there something I am missing? Can i get help from somewhere? Does anyone have any ideas? I am in the UK and live in Surrey.

Thanks

2

Hi there sue45192,

Your situation sounds similar to mine, except I am in the US and a stay-at-home mom. I've been on Lexapro for over 10 years now and it has really helped. My mom also died 20 years ago but it seems like yesterday. Time heals, but slowly. I understand about the mental pain you are talking about. Please, please, please talk to a doctor and don't stop until someone helps you. If you aren't healthy, you can't be there for your daughter. (I have a 14 year old at home and a 21 year old who recently married and moved far away.)

Some things that have helped me are prayer, spending at least 1/2 hour outside when possible every day, and writing my concerns down in a notebook. Somehow getting them on paper helps...don't know why.

I wish I could give you just the right answer to help. But know that you are not alone, OK?

Hugs,

lizzyboo

 

3

well in life have sue45192, you have had it hard, I left school approx 12 years of age

lived on streets,had potato peelings for meals,not nice person people would talk to me, and say your not listening to me and called me anti social .

done some bad things,also some good was in all bbc, national papers,

magazines sent away 2 years 15 years old put me in Adult jail world fell apart

illegal to put young person in jail ,2 00am Police came took me out went to

council home. About 30 kids in there Liverpool so had to get out,next day plan

went into action,they wore black shorts vest white and shirt so took shirt off got

black polish put number on vest. plan nearly there.

got out of council home,just ran slow had 13 miles to go forget how long got

home mum there, what did she do phone police after all that.

Put me in Approved School me lad from my town, sleeping in dormatries they

have head Lad, he looked like Elivis Presley all ways coming his hair instant

dislike ,my dad came out to see me and his mate although no driving licence in sixtes no chance getting caught.So you can see Sue45192 didnt have good start in life, got rid of Elvis so it didnt happen in America, and took over dormatry cant

spell,two twin built like brick walls 6 feet 3 inches always weight lifting,did my head in but didnt bother me,next plan rob kitchen food, pitch black got in through window so broke out to break in took all food cakes pies apples oranges pears

so back home alredy there and enjoyed spoiles of war,never found any one

appro 200 miss fits,so bad start but went worse.another time Sue45192 hope

your okay.

 

4

Sue - I just wanted to say that I really feel for you.

I am in a very similar situation and don't know where to look for help. I am thinking of paying for a one-off appointment to be assessed by an actual psychiatrist, so that I have that there when I am talking to my GP.

I am looking in to paid-for counselling. I am also looking at unions and work-related support groups/helplines. (Some professions have online groups at least which you can join).

I was referred to be assessed on the NHS but the wait for counselling is 3 months and they can only offer a limited number of sessions when I know that this is and has been a problem for me for many years and I need some long-term support.

I feel so alone sometimes, as I am sure you do too.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please be kind to yourself.