Well I've been depressed since age 11 and it's just getting worse. I can't get out of bed and a cry all the time. Then there are some days where I'm not happy but I'm very cheerful and it's not me and it scares me. I'm so scared! I feel so manic. My anxiety is worse... I want to quit my job just to think and breathe but I can't financially. I'm so scared my boyfriend will leave me once he finds out all my thoughts because who wants to date someone like me. I don't have friends. So I have no one to talk to. I feel sick to my stomach with fear everyday for the stupidest reasons. It literally hurts to smile. I just want to give up and to sleep but I can't cause I'm an adult and I have responsibilities and expectations to withhold. But why can't I just curl up and give up? Why can't I just be normal and happy or not even happy jut contnet? Why do I have to be me?I'm such a lump of human failure and I'm so sorry to hose who know me because I know I am a birdsong. I can see it. And it's not fair to them. They don't deserve this. If only I could just be better but I'm not strong enough. I've worn myself out pretending for 8 years. This isn't the half of it but I can't think of what else might be important. I don't think it is important. Well it is to me but it shouldn't be. I don't know what to do I'm so scared... I'm so sorry and so scared. Its hard being terrified of yourself all the time. I'm so close to just losing my mind I can just feel it..
Burden not birdsong
Im sorry you feel that way go see your doctor he could help you you dont have to accept medication but he could get you to see a counsellor because it seems something happened when you were 11 to make you feel depressed and it is when it all started for you our minds are great for blocking things out but thing can surface in the form of depression and anxiety but because it is blocked we tend to believe we just dont know why if you can come to terms with what srarted it them maybe you can move on amd finally be your true self read up on things depression and anxiety and also bipolar disorder could be a contributing factor its just a thought hope I helped plaese take care and also sounds like you actually have a good life a job a boyfriend friends who care about you seems you actually have very little to worry about try talking to your closest and oldest friend you never know they might surprise you in there reaction
Hi I agree that you need to go to the doctors and tell him/her how you are feeling. There are treaments which can help you. You haven't got to suffer like this. You say you are an adult - prove it and seek help. That is what adults do.
Let us know how you get on please x