I was hit by a drunk driver my husband was killed I was in a coma for weeks & now my son is a drunk!

General health and lifestyle
1

I am tough and determined to change the way alcoholics process their behavios or controlled by the cravings of alcohol. Every thought even while not drinking is connected to the cravings. As you may have seen in the many responses to my posts in this thread. The brain is always thinking always driven by one thing before all others. 

Some posts on this thread have expressed that I am too harsh on others who complain or beg for a way to stop drinking. Then in the next breath state that they can controll their drinking or are ""just"" binge drinkers...when I see that I see a lot of denial leading to more madness. I have seen more erratic behaviors spiraling downwards to a very dark & lonely, painful place no one would ever want to be in.

 I don't sugar coat anything and state my experiences and my truths.  Niceties is not conviencing any alcoholic to stop. Or aligning with their sympathies & excuses,nor pushing or forcing or bullying or by a lightening strike from a higher belief above. It's gotta come from within the individual to find all the pain buried in their very soul that's drives the anxiety,or the pain to self medicate. Only then enter rehab until sobriety becomes a reality. I speak in my reality to many on this thread because is it my pain & my reality to share. My story could open one heart addicted to substance abuse to find peace and recovery. That's what its all about. I really don't care how they get there just as long as the do.

In reality it's all the drinking stories from the beginning of social drinkers to the end of the madness. It's all the same basic issue addiction and denial.

I was hit by a drunk driver who almost killed me and killed my husband, who was only 29 years old. Hit by a teen at a stop sign just 2 blocks from my home. The teen was on the way home from a night of drinking. I struggled for over a year thru rehab to learn how to walk, talk,read and write. I lost everything my home my job & my health. That's the impact of a drunk driver .

I was in a coma for three weeks.Still years later suffer daily physically from damage to my body from that crushing accident many years ago.

I joined MADD, ( Mothers Against Drunk Drivers).. Later years after the accident I remarried.  Supported MADD with my boys who volunteered thru their high school years. I was 3 months pregnant and lost the baby and my partner at the time of the accident. I Never would have imagined that I would be a mother of the very thing I despised. A drunk behind the wheel. I would have never imagined in a million years that my son would be one of those drunk drivers in the future. He has not had a liscence for over 20 years thank GOD. He still continues to drive.....even though he has no vehicle.

Yes my story is heartbreaking and unfortunately true. I have tried to shake some posters on this alcoholics string verbally with my story. Even an earthquake cannot shake them from the drink or denial. There is a huge denial reaction which I always expect. Or simply ignoring my posts. Never could they possibility be ""that"" out of control.  This story could very well end up to be one their stories with the same heartbreaking end. Some alcoholics find sobriety,most never do.

Some alcoholics believe they can control or cut down on their drinking and will never end up like my son. Like most on this string. I always come back with,"" ADD YET ""..on the end of these sentences ..I am not a black out drunk ...or I have never been in jail....or I have never killed someone, or I never lost my job....or lost my family and home...YET !

For some reason the so called "controll thinking" alcoholics have is it's  all fingered out down to the color of Wiskey vs Vodka and alcohol content of beer to lower toxic withdrawl.  What they don't realize is the harsh reality that my son thought the exact same way many years ago. My beautiful son...my beautiful child....I will always love him there is no shame in becoming addicted. The shame is finding sobriety and throwing it away. 

 My question is how long does a life lost in drinking, the mind lost to drinking , lost in the behaviors of drinking & lost to severe mental illness ...what are people with addictions waiting for ? Is it to take over and leave them with no where to turn ? It will and it does? But why deny the chance for a life for a drink? 

I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE A HONEST ANSWER. I really want to help change how alcoholics r teaated and the social stigma .. We can do it together. 

PEACE, LUV & LAUGHTER 

2

I feel for you and your pain, and certainly agree with all of your views.

Alcohol is a highly additcive mind-alterind substance and, although perhaps only 1 in 10 (?) will become an addict, Western culture 'promotes' alcohol - culture even suggests that every time you 'celebrate', you sould do it with a drink of alcohol! (eg chanpagne at a wedding!).

Alcololism is not the 'fault' of the individual - the substance has 'altered' the mind. The culture promotes the view that it is 'normal' to drink alcohol, and that you are perhaps a 'wimp' if you do not drink. But there is a lot of 'big business' behind promoting the view that taking an addictive mind-altering substance (alcohol) is good, providing that you do it in moderation!

My partner suffers as an alcoholic, and it has led to her having profound dementia. At least she is still alive, and 'forgets' but still has her intelligence - which alcohol, when she has some, takes away from her. Dementia, and inability to make any new memories of have any cognitive abilibies, is a living hell for her, particularly as her independence is very important to her (as it is to most of us!). I am trying to change her attitude towards alcohol, but it is a long and heartbreaking process - & I am not making much progress.

Unfortunately, alcohol is a mind-altering drug - it emboldens people and just one drink for the adicted person leads to more. Society likes to think that they can control alcohol - most can, but for many they cannot.

Individuals in our culture like to think that they are in control, and place a stigma on alcoholics as 'weak people' who should have more will power!! Even many in the medical profession are of the same view - when my partner was in hospital with Korsakoff's, the Consultant told me , in front of a group of medical students that "it is all her own fault, it is self-inflicted"! With attitudes like that, it will be a very long 'journey' to change the stigma of alcoholics and how they are treated - but I am with you all the way and would be pleased to help your campaign

 

3

Trevor..

u definately know UR wife's addiction is a disease ans so sad to see our loved one go into the destructive behaviors that eventually leads to brain damage, mental illness and a slow death.

It is not a simple as putting a drink down to stop drinking it's not a matter of weakness ... the brain of a alcoholic is driven by cravings.myhey have no controll ovever cravings in fact their brain will sabatoge every attempt to quit. 

Trevor u have described the process from the illness of UR wife to the scio economic treatment of addiction as abuse and ignorance. As the consultant stupidity is showing by stating to others it's her " own fault she did this to herself". That is sooo typical.. Even nurses in the hospital said that while my son was on life support. It's a disease is not a choice how many times do wee need to drill that into the heads of these so called health workers.

I have a lot of strong opinions thru 40 years of dealing with police, medical, counselors and the legal system.  U never hear of any organization holding a walk or run to raise money to help a serious disease like alcoholism. It's not cancer it's not a acceptable disease.

not comparing it to cancer. This is a serious not anyone in our families that have not been touched in some way by cancer or alcoholism.

You have a better understanding than of most counselors and doctors of this destructive disease. It's not a choice to pick up that drink over and over to drink into oblivion, it's not weakness... it's an addiction. The brain in has control all the power. 

I was was contacted by PM on this forum to sell my story to a news person in the UK. I would like to raise interest and awareness into what alcoholism really is which is a major challenge in the media.there is so much hate and misinformation it there it hard to know where to start. It will never happen I wrote back haven't hear any news. Probably just trolling thru this forum looking for a story for the ""journalist to receive applause not for my cause"". If it di happen I would donate the total payment for my story to alcohol treatment programs.  I know many good rehab and alcohol treatment centers that are free and designed to help the average JOE...they are all struggling.

Thankx for for ur reply. I think UR wife is very lucky to have you...

many blessings sent UR way.

CHEERS

H4C

 

4

This subject is not what most want to see in their own alcoholic brain/behaviors..

PLZ dont not let the labels used to describe what my story has been exposed for all of those who's loves have had Alocohol disrupt u life forever.

Not one who has a drinking issue has answerd ... Not one is brave enough to take responsibility ....

Not one has admitted that they drink and fear that their life is out if control..

NOT ONE ......

5

Dear hope4cure,

It is not a question of bravery, every single alcoholic knows and is terrified of what their life has become, all alcoholics ( and I too am one )

wake up every single day full of fear and absolute self loathing. I consider myself to be fortunate as I have managed to stay sober for nearly ten years, however I never become complacent.

 I still remember exactly the awful physical and psychological agonies every alcoholic goes through every single day, and sadly very many decide that both they and  their loved ones would be better off if they were dead...

It is not ,a. fun life, it is the most isolated and terrified I have ever, ever felt.

 I was lucky I got help, albeit being sectioned into a mental hospital four times for long periods, I also tried AA but found that far too intense, probably a bad word to use, the best people to help are the  nhs.

Community alcohol service, they can arrange a home detox..(much less scary for most).

 I wish you well, in my prayers, sincere regards to you,

DEIRDRE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF.O

6

Hello De,,

Thank you so very much For UR kind words of support. For sharing UR story. I am so grateful u found sobriety . Life is truly the opportunity u have fought so hard for thru hell to be able to feel again no numbing the days and nights feeding the pain and suffering. It's now a past in UR dreams and nightmares the madness of addiction . Toy have found sobriety. God is so good ......he has been so good to you. 

i know your joy is coming .....and soo much more....

ST.Luke 13:13- And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight and she Glorified God 

I'm not claiming  that God has left my son, God is a healer ...when a closed heart opens he will follow...

Faith , relax , mediation , lots of luv is in my life. I am very fortunate to still be here. 

Everyday I wake up and see my son as a blessing , God is so Good...he has be a savior for so many.

One my favorite prayers is the serenity prayer.

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things that I cannot change,

the COURAGE to change the things that I can

and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Peace, HOPE & Laughter

 

7

Hi hope4cure,

Thank you for your kind reply, I certainly believe in GOD... I am a Roman Catholic.. I pray every day and have great faith.

When I went to AA our serenity prayer was slightly different.. 

Grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things that I can change

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 I went to a very good group called "challenge" alcohol and made many good friends.

 I wish you well, take care of yourself..... Deirdre x

8

Yes u have the words right,,,this print is very small as I do make it large on screen my eye sight is double and blurry from cataract surgery.Very sorry to mess up the prayer..

U r correct. Thanks that's is much better and truer...

thanks so much again for UR kindness. I always keep u in my prayers..

many blessing sent UR way