Hi I'm a teenager and I need your help. I can't tell my parents because I am scared to tell anyone but ever since I was eight I have been expierencing horrible signs of OCD. I feel as if I have to count things or do everything in a specific ritual. I have good numbers and bad numbers and letters and etc. I feel as if I don't perform something a certain amount of times something bad will happen too me. I do this 24 hours a day and it won't stop no matter what. It makes me frustrated and tired but i give in everytime. I've had this go on for so long that I have learned to cope with it, but I don't want to cope with it. Should I still seek help for it? Even if I can cope with it somewhat? Also lately I have felt empty and like I cannot be happy. I feel like I'm stuck, with no meaning. I don't know if I am pushing this depression upon my self but I feel like no matter what I can't be happy. I keep a journal of all off my thoughts and share it with no one. I find it hard too concentrate in school because I have so many thoughts running through my head at once. I often zone out now and when I do zone out I think about all of those thoughts and it makes my heart race greatly. I constantly sweat, I used to be the life of a party but now I push people away, I keep to myself and I just want to be alone all day and try not to talk to anyone. My friends hate me now because they noticed I changed. I often ask my self questions everyday and it frustrates me because I can't answer them. I don't feel like myself. I don't have suicidal thoughts but I don't see a meaning in life anymore and Death doesn't scare me anymore. Sometimes I take pills at night just to make me feel good and sometimes I take 2 times the amount. I've never thought about hurting myself but one night I was doing homework and I took my pencil to my wrist and couldn't stop. I never feel relaxed and in class I always find myself clicking a pen or chewing on things as a nervous habit....so I guess my question is, is this serious? Am I doing this to myself? Should I seek help? Please help me. Thank you.
I was really saddened to read your post and the depression certainly rings true to me. While it may not feel like it at the moment, what you are going through are classic symptoms of depression and OCD. This is not your fault at all and you've been really brave to confront it and seek advice on this forum. I really think you should see a doctor as they would be able to help you and offer the a number of choices for treatment that could help, whether that is medication or counselling. The feelings of emptiness, anxiety and hopelessness can be treated. I've been there and come through it. When I was at my worst early on in my 20s, I rang the Samaritans in desperation. They advised me to see a doctor, which I was very nervous about, but it was the best thing I ever did. Doctors see these problems all the time and understand. If you look at the posts on here, you'll see that you are not alone, lots of people suffer similar problems. I don't have OCD so can't really give you advice, but I know from friends it often goes hand in hand with depression and there is help to manage it through counselling and therapy.
You say you can't talk to your parents. As a parent myself, I would want to help my child if they were struggling. Are you sure you can't speak to them? Is ther another family member or teacher you could perhaps talk to? Someone you trust? If not, don't worry, as you should be able to see the doctor on your own anyway. Try not to suffer in silence, you'll be surprised at how many people do care about you. Remember, you are suffering from an illness and that will skew your thoughts and feelings.
I really hope you are able to get help and things improve. While life may seem awful now, trust me, it is worth living and will get better.
Take care and let us know how you get on xx
Thank you! I actually have a boyfriend that is persuading me to talk to a teacher, but when I go to someone to talk to them something in my mind instantly makes me change my mind and I tell myself I'm ok, but really I'm not. When I was 8 it was much worse for I did not know how to cope with this and I did end up telling my mother when I was 8 but she looked down upon me and I felt embarrassed and like something was wrong with me so I have kept it hidden all of these years. I just don't want to hide it anymore, I want and need to be heard, in just scared.
Being scared is perfectly natural, don't beat yourself up about it. As for changing your mind, we've all been there! The amount of times I've said 'I'm fine' when I'm clearly not. Luckily my husband knows me better now and knows the signs. It sounds like your boyfriend is being very supportive and his suggestion to talk to a teacher is a good one. You've got someone there who obviously cares a great deal about you. I can understand that you may feel your parents don't understand. Mine don't understand depression at all, but I accept that now - plus they're in their 70s and I'm 43! I really think you should talk to your teacher. Why not write a note or book an appointment so you can't really back out of it. Once you take that first step, you'll feel do much better and it will get a lot easier afterwards too. You can be proud of yourself.
If you do eventually decide to speak to your mum, you could ask the doctor for some information to give her to help her understand? I once forwarded an online article to try to help my husband understand depression. He was always trying to fix me, giving me advice that I should go out/exercise, which is good advice, but sometimes you just aren't up to that and can't face the thought.
Please try and speak to your teacher tomorrow and you can let me know how you get on. I'm suffering from insomnia at the moment, which is symptom of depression/anxiety and side effect of medication (though they will pass).
Xxx
I'm posting this comment for my progress. I am not progressing well. I am still having troubles and I told my mom to call me off of school today because I was "sick", but actually I couldn't stand the thought of going, I wanted too just sit home depressed. I feel like I'm tired of doing the same things everyday and I'm tired of waking up and going to school and living my unhappy life. I just got a job at a nursing home and they started me full time starting next week so everyday I will go to school straight too work and I'm scared I'll be even more stressed and now my boyfriend just got a job and I'll barely see him and I feel like my depression is getting worse
OCD is nothing to be ashamed of. OCD shows itself at around the age you are, which may possibly have manifested itself in earlier childhood. I would like to encourage you to face your fears and get the help you need to overcome these lonely and anxiety filled feelings.
Here is why:
OCD is controllable with Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based therapeutic method.
During therapy, you may also come to the meaning behind your need to control.
Moreover, you will eliminate future anxiety/depression and live the satisfied horizontal life you are seeking.All of this is because you are brave to follow through and seek support. We are all social creatures, we need each other to survive.
What are your thoughts on this?
Adonai
I totally agree with you. I think my OCD is the base of all of my problems. I was doing well for about three days but then last night I had an instant mood change and I didn't feel happy again, I felt like I didn't deserve to live and I felt the worthless feelings again. It worried and angered my boyfriend because I was perfectly fine all day but then I instantly felt all of the bad feelings again. My OCD was bad yesterday again too..... I was literally driving myself crazy! I have felt really tired lately and no motivation all I want to do is sleep
Your feelings are correct. Today is a good day to be just good enough and have the courage to be imperfect. It's time to make a change for the better...it is truly very near and possible...you will start feeling a difference in getting hold of your inner power right away...that I know.
Today talk with your family and make an appointment with a CBT therapist.
"Have the courage to be imperfect"
Adonai
I'm too scared to face it and go to the therapist
I understand your feelings and fears..this is too out of control, right? Confronting your fears will become real, therefore, even more out of control, right? In reality all will be well. Therapists, you will find, are here for you, they want to make life easier...life is already challenging enough. Here is an insider for you, most therapist became helpers because of something in their own life. Go online, and google CBT Therapist in your area. Once there, study their profiles...and look for what attracts you to that person and their qualification. Do they work with CBT, Teens, Adolescence? Other therapeutic options can be Narrative Therapy, Art therapy, Play therapy which might also be fitting for you. You are the one in control making the decision. I am a therapist, and you are talking with her very easily and comfortably too, right ? 
Let me know how it all comes together for you. I'll be thinking of you...go get it!
Adonai
Thank you so much
I am going through exactly the same thing, you are not alone. I have rituals that i have to do at certain times and i will do them time after time. If i dont then i think something bad will happen to me or people around me. Im so scared to tell someone incase they judge me. I just dont want to carry on and i see no end to it.