Katy I've given a lot of thought to this post of yours. You have been honest in every post, I think. But in this, and some others, I think you are being too brutal with yourself. It may be cathartic to state some of your inner concerns, but it may also become self-defeating and even destructive if you are too harshly self-critical to the point where you will accept any denigration because you feel you are unworthy of acclaim.
Let's look at your post. You have suffered depression from an early age. Many of us have, so let's try and plan to get beyond the reach of depression. I read your comment about being thin and having BO, and I felt so sad that a lovely young mum could still carry the childhood hurts so acutely.
\"I know that I caused a strain on my entire family for being a prem and being difficult to deal with at primary\".
Katy, would you blame your primary age child for things over which that child has no control nor even an understanding of? Girl, your parents may have argued with each other but that is no excuse for loading up their kids with guilt for their own shortcomings. As for your eyesight, I too was called \"headlights\" and \"4 eyes\", but I always retaliated immediately and accurately. If the accuser was fat, skinny, tall, short, if their parents were rich, poor, lazy ... they were targets too, and they soon found out that it was dangerous to insult me because I did not care for anyone who wanted to be smart at my expense, so it did not matter if I was seen to be unfriendly towards them. My parents didn't give a damn about me, but my grandfather did, and he gave me the strength to repel schoolyard bullying even though I was 2 years younger than everyone else in my class. So my point is, I was given the authority to fight back. You were scarred by the fact that you were not given that authority. But perhaps now you can move on Katy. Perhaps now you can see that having borne two beautiful daughters you are an amazing success, short-sighted, myopic, blind or whatever! You can still love your parents, but forgive them their inability to instill confidence in you, know that you are a person of value and an inspiring contributor to this forum as well as a great mum, and try to move on from the fragile, damaged ego you were as a child. You owe it to yourself and your children. And no, you are not alone, Katy. i suspect that most of us here on this forum have been damaged kids one way or another. The rest of us haven't had the courage or the honesty to look deep enough inside and try to find out who we are. (Speaking for myself only). So the battle to be \"me\" is one faced by every living soul at some point or points. It is quite \"normal\", (to invoke another of your posts.)
Katy, why would you say, \"I look simple and people often think I am ...\"? Jerry Lewis made millions out of looking \"simple\", but he was a very smart man. Goldie Hawn did the same. Perhaps simple is as simple does? And yet you have witnessed this week, the success of having perfect strangers approach you and seek guidance in their purchasing decisions, because you are the \"expert\" or you wouldn't be there! Would you approach someone in an electrical shop who looked and probably was \"simple\", to ask for guidance in your purchasing decision? Would anybody?
Katy, before anyone will give you a chance, you must give youself a chance. If you can exude confidence you can win the world. I have a friend with a hare lip and a plum-stain birthmark on his face, but he is such a nice bloke after a few minutes you don't even notice it. He once worked as a bus conductor!
Katy, you have been brutally hones, but I think you are always honest. This time I think you have been brutal as well, and thinking that you were a \"problem\" or that you were abnormal is just so negative, and having thoughts like this will re