Dear Sharon:
Make no mistake girl, you have the fight in you so keep on fighting and hang in there! With proper treatment, you will be better.
I'm all too familiar with the type of therapy you write about. You should be very proud of yourself given you are a single parent of two young children without any family support or assistance - it's a tough job and loaded with responsibility as you know.
I'd like to begin by saying I work in the health care industry and am an Med. Exercise Specialist and worked with drug information for 7 years. Unfortunately it appears the therapist isn't recognizing that although exercise is therapeutic and possibly the best medicine per se, (I prescribe it for a living after all) when feeling the way you describe, getting out of bed is exercise!
I'm not trying to put anyone down here but hey, it is what it is - you're not always going to find a good therapist/psychiatrist that will really listen to what you are saying and in turn do everything they can to meet your specific needs. Of course the long term issues will take time but you MUST take care of the immediate concerns before all else.
It doesn't sound ethical to me to say the least that this therapist practically pushed you out the door when you admitted to having suicidal thoughts - after all, it could have been a desperate a cry for help or, a very real possibility). We won't waste our precious time on that right now because if it can't help you, you need to find someone that can.
Sharon, if you feel the way you describe, (taking the meds for several weeks already) losing your hair, not eating then obviously this medication is not for you! Even worse is that you've more than likely spent the last three 3 weeks praying that it will get better, only to see you're not. It also sounds like you are in worse condition the prior to being medicated so it makes sense that you would be feeling more hopeless than ever. But hang in there, because the only problem you are experiencing right now is a good medical team to assist you with the plan that will address your immediate concerns followed by a long term plan.
My suggestion would be to go to hospital emergency and explain your situation as you have here, be very honest (the squeeky wheel gets the grease) let the physician know that your symptoms are worse and that additionally you are now experiencing thoughts of suicide.
Sharon, I must warn you - I am not familiar with the laws in the UK but I'm wondering if they are required to hold you for 72 hour period as they do in some countries and if so, the last thing you need is to be worried sick about your children. But there is always an answer so don't lose hope.
From experience, many physician's will stop the medication given your ;present circumstances. Generally, when a person is feeling the way you describe, the medication is stopped and there may be a waiting period prior to introducing another one. Now, the frustration becomes that horrendous waiting period in hopes that this one will do the job - in some cases it doesn't, and you have to keep trying until you find it but usually a qualified physician/psychiatrist will be able to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.
It has been my experience that if patient's had almost identical syptoms such as yours, some physician's would prescribe drug in the diazepam family to assist with that "jumping out of your skin" feeling or the panic and anxiety. Now I'm not suggesting it's the answer and I personally would not continue on these type of meds for a long duration as they can become addictive. It usually will help in between and leading up to the period where the anti depressant has started to take affect.
If you are not fsmiliar with these types of meds, Diazepam is an oral medication that is used to treat anxiety. It belongs to the benzodiazepine family of drugs. It is believed that excessive activity in the brain may lead to anxiety or other psychiatric disorders .So please speak to a qualified physican and inquire as to whether this is even an option for you.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby, that is so very tragic. I have also had a similar experience only my sister lost her little boy at three months old and the pain for me was very deep. With having witnessed what my sister and brother in law went through during that period especially, I can only imagine what you went through and the impact it has had on your life since then.
Although my sister wasn't keen on therapy initially, she eventually did receive proper treatment and although the loss of a child will never make you the person you once were, treatment can certainly hand you the necessary tools cope with the such a terrible loss - which sadly, you have not.
There are so many available treatment plans today and rest assured, with a good medical team, you will find the answer to what works best for you. And please although at this moment you feel hopeless and desperate, try to keep telling yourself that there is help available and you can get better.
Anyone who will say "oh you have your kids to live for, you're being selfish..." which is often experienced in this situation, has not suffered from this dibilitating illness and can't comprehend that it's not something one can simply "shake off".
With the multitude of social media outlets today, I would hope that there would be a much better understanding about depression minus all the myths that go with it - unfortunately, it appears that we all have a long way to go and we all need to to our share to educate the people who may not know any better.
Sharon, depression can certainly make us get to a very weak place but again, remind yourself that even through this battle, you must continue to manage your life and your childrens so PLEASE get the help you need and know that with the proper treatement you will be okay.
I really hope this has helped you and if I could be of help to you please ask and I will do my best to answer your question(s).
Keep the faith and sending big hugs your way.
H.