Hi, sorry for the essay in advance but this will take some back story so here goes..
I have been struggling with depression, stress and anxiety for the past 11 years on and off (I am now 26) I was severely bullied all through school and it came to a head when I was 15, I stopped eating and dropped 4 dress sizes in 3 months, I started self harming which seemed to give me a release of sorts I know this may sound stupid but it genuinely did help I got so low that I tried to commit suicide but obviously it didn't work I just slept for a while anyway I got help from a gp and councillors and things got better for a bit and I fell pregnant which was brilliant it have me someone to love, someone who would love me back and it turns out someone who would become my rock fast forward 5 years and I left my then husband because I found out he cheated on me with my "best friend" and he was also violent and controlling towards me, it took a lot of effort to finally leave and it was very messy involving the police and the courts, he was arrested twice and I had to get a court order against him, he then broke into my house while I was sleeping. He made my life hell spreading rumours that I was abusing my son around the village I lived in, hacking my emails, Facebook, phone and even texts, he threatened me and got his friends who lived in the village to harass and threaten me and then he turned my son, my rock against me telling him it was me that made him leave and that I was the bad guy, I became so depressed and unbelievably low because he made me believe everyone was better off without me that my life was an inconvenience, I was signed off work for 7 weeks, I tried committing suicide again convinced that I was a burden to everyone I know, again it failed and I was taken to the hospital where I was put on suicide Watch and forbidden by doctors and police to go anywhere alone so I stayed at my friends for a few days while my son was on holiday with his dad and grandparents. It took over a year to get back to a 'normal' level in which time my son had grown to hate me physically abusing me daily and telling me he hated me daily and I lost my job but I found another job and things seemed to pick up, I met an amazing guy and I moved to the coast where only very few selected people had my address and things were great for about a year bringing us to 6 months ago when his dad announced he was having another child with his new girlfriend even though in the 3 or so years he has not put a single penny towards his son and that is literally no exaggerations and he can't be bothered to even see his son I have to push him to see him regularly! my son has wanted a sibling for years but I am unable to have anymore so now my son has decided he wants to live with his dad so he can live with his little sister which I understand but now his dad is only allowing me to see him once a fortnight and is now being awkward about when I can pick him up on a Friday as I work plus my boyfriend has been made redundant so I am trying to support everyone, since I moved all my "friends" have completely abandoned me no matter when I try to meet up I get a message back saying yeah leave it with me I will get back to you and even lost two friends because friend 1 had a Hissy fit because I didn't drop everything to go and see her and friend 2 blocked me because I didn't return her memory stick because I was visiting my dying grandad in hospital. I am feeling so alone and miserable, I am losing my rock, I am trying to keep my anxiety and stress levels down, my neighbours are violent to each other and it reminds make everything I have been through, my partner is getting more and more frustrated because he can't find work and his tether is getting shorter, I just don't know what to do with myself I am really struggling with day to day life and work, I am not sleeping properly, I have no appetite and I am starting to feel like I am not needed and worthless again oh and to top it all off my dad is not talking to me now and taking my exes side in things in fact my entire family on my dad's side is not Talking to me so I really have nobody!! I don't know what to do I can't lose this job I am already losing everything else and I can feel myself pushing my boyfriend away bit I really don't want to lose him either 😢 any advice on what I can do to stop myself falling down that spiral I really don't want to lose what little I have x thanks in advance