I feel like I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy. Like I was born to be depressed, anxious, to be left out, to be neglected, to be used as a back up, to be misunderstood or for simply suffering. All the negative emotions consumed me since childhood. It happens often in my relationship or when I'm with my family. I don't have much friends, just 1 or 2 who rarely there for me and 'get' me really. My only friends are darkness, sadness, failure. My every night pass by soaking the pillow and suffering from shortness in breathing. 'Happiness' is like a myth to me. I feel jealous and wonder when I see others to laugh or to hearing that they're blessed in life. Or when they're in successful relationship or have a compassionate family. What it feels like to be 'blessed'? I just know all my life is full of wrong people and wrong time and I don't know how to find the 'right one'. My life doesn't makes sense anymore.
Madhubanti you do an amazing job expressing yourself. You have discribed how I feel except I hardly cry anymore it doesn’t help. I wish I could help you or at least meet you then there would be someone who knows how I feel. Please keep writing I think that might be your way out of darkness. You have a talent. Deb
I'm so sorry Dev. Depression sucks I know. Yes I don't cry all night, sometimes I get tired and struggle with hyperventilation. My tears get dry and all I feel is NUMB. I stare at the ceiling for hours and overthinking kills my every possible happiness. Self hating, low self esteem, panic attacks are always there for me at night. I just wish no one should suffer like us.
Hugs Dev. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
So do you. I have an event I have to be part of and attend today. It is taking every ounce of my energy to make it through.
YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. BECAUSE. I. KNOW. YOU. WILL. We're all wounded Knights. And we're BRAVE. Wishing you all strength and love to make it through with ease. 💖
Hi there. Real sorry u are feeling this way. I kp going thru slumps due to increases of meds etc but have a few good days inbetween. Very odd i know. Hope both u and deb find some friendship and happiness together on here it would help u both xx nyt nyt and good luck xx
Hi madhubanti - sorry to read you are suffering. Have you had any medical treatment, seen a doctor for what you are suffering? Counselling at all? If not, that is the place to start. There may also be groups you can join of people in the same boat - that support can be invaluable.
Thank you amanda. 😔 *sigh* Wish I could skip this life anyhow. Goodnight sister. 💖
Unfortunately no, haven't seen a dr. I'm currently unable to go for therapy. It'd be better if I get online counseling. Need some understandable friends. Running out motivation in life. Stuck in my monotonous life routine, surrounded by naive family members, toxic relationships, busy friends. I want new people... LIKE MINDED PEOPLE. New place to breathe air. The big problem is I'm still unemployed. The main reason I'm forced to live with my family and this place. I feel like I haven't grown enough. Same old routine made me tired, I hate to see myself eating same s**t everyday, crying at night, walking around the same place, dressing, talking, studying, sleeping. Can't focus on my studies. I don't hate this world, I wanna love more and more this world, wanna go to new place, wanna meet with new people. Just wanna escape from this monotonous life cycle anyhow. I WANNA REBORN AGAIN.
Thank you for your kind words I did go came home early but had an ok time. Sometimes I guess we just have to push ourselves out of our “funk” even just for a while. I hope you can see a way out.
Yes that's what I do every single day. Pushing myself up for study, work or whatever and it gets tiring eventually. Thank you Dev. You did great. Love.
Aww bless yr heart. Its a c*p feeling xx kp going x!