I've been laying here for ages, trying to get to sleep, but I can't, no matter what I do. I don't know what to do with myself. The longer I lie here, the more I think about how bad everything is going, and everything gets very dark. I can't bring myself to feel anything, I'm just here, laying. I've been thinking about self harming again, I'm just empty, and the only way I can feel anything is through pain; I can't even cry anymore. I need to feel something, and I'm usually such a sensitive person, but I feel nothing now, and I hate it. I'm beginning to hate myself now, and if I hate myself, how can I expect other people not to.
alicia
I recently had a peiod of isolation and agree that it does no good at all.
I got out of it a bit by 1. forcing myself to go to a gaming session with some mates on the weekend. 2. playing a few DVD's - cause they were documentaries, I felt that I was at least learning something which helped to be positive.
Hope this helps.
You need to love yourself. Love is not skin deep. It's more than that. It's what gets you up in the morning. Change jobs change lovers. Love you and someone Will love you. There is no such thing as normal so explore the strange and enjoy it. X
Depression does make us dislike ourselves, that is very normal. We also believe nobody else likes us either. It is the depression talking. It is such a negative illness.
I never sleep well. Have not done for years. Part of depression also. Yes it makes us feel empty, takes everything away from us. We feel negative and life is passing us by. We are empty. What you are feeling is typical. We have to9 learn ways to cope. We have to convince ourselves we are good people, learn to like ourselves and believe that others can liuke us. Not easy I know. But it is so easy to wallow in our own misery.
Everyone suffers depression at least once in there lives. This world creates depression. Every one who seems to have the perfect life like celebs, have too gone through depression. Just think " this too shall pass" The thiing that depression does it is lies to you it says your gonna feel this way forever. but its a lie. Think postive. Stay strong. And if do what you enjoy and surround yourself with people who love you and people you feel comfortable with then you postivite energy will return. Negative energy makes us believe we are upset. So think about the future and chin up sweetie. x
Alicia, please find your way to talk to someone soon. A family member, friend, pastor, or neighbor willing to listen would help a lot. I know you don't feel like it, but it does help. You don't have to go thru this alone. If you can't sleep don't force yourself to stay in bed. Get up and read, watch tv, or contact someone online. Try to focus on something else till you feel sleepy again. Also, have you talked with your doctor about not sleeping? You are not alone! Please let me know how you are doing now!
God Bless
Patricia