SORRY ABOUT THE LONG POST...
I have suffered from depression for years (many without knowing it). I grew up in a household where my mum was abused by my stepdad - he never touched any of the kids - and so i saw a lot of disturbing things. I then managed to get trapped in a similar relationship which led me to try to kill myself at 16 and I have never really spoken about any of it.
I have moved on now and I am in a lovely relationship with a guy who understands everything and knows my mood swings aren't really me, but my depression and anxiety.
I have never really dealt with any of the issues, just sucked it up and marched forward, but it has become more and more unbearable. I am now 23 and in my final year of uni, everything is getting on top of me. I have been to the doctors (finally) after my partner pretty much dragged me there, and i have been put on citalopram as well as referred to counselling.
It was all going well for about a month, things started looking up and everything was great. I don't know what changed but I've stopped taking my meds and turning up to counselling and can't bring myself to make another doctors appointment. It's causing strain on my uni work and relationships with everyone and often just shut myself in my room with netflix and a lot of munchies...
I know it is probably my anxiety, but i just don't know where to go from here... anyone got any ideas on what i can do to get back on track? I need to sort my life out once and for all, I don't want to go back to how i used to be.
May I suggest that you tell yourself that you are NOT going to go back to how you used to be. Every time this statement is challenged tell yourself that you are NOT going to go back to how you used to be. keep repeating until you DONT go back to how you used to be.
All the best
Thanks, it is just tough having to come to terms with everything. I am lucky to have a good support network with my family and my partner. It just sucks .. Finally at an age where I have accepted the fact that I need to talk about it, but can't find the right counsellor who I can completely open up to. Is there any quick way to get CBT through NHS? I do see a university counsellor occasionally, and i get anxious thinking about not being able to have that as an option when I move back home.
Hi Kate, I know exactly where you're coming from. I had a difficult child hood and I know how difficult it is to leave it in the past. I totally understand the Netflix and munchies, I do the same!
All a can say is that counselling can be a one step forward and two steps back kind of thing. I know its hard but pls try hard to go back to it. It is a long difficult process and I know from my own experience that at times it doesn't feel as if your getting anywhere but please stick with it. My first few sessions were very difficult. I felt totally spaced out and didn't feel with it at all. I told my counceller this and she explained it was just my way of dealing with difficult feelings and its got less so over time.Up till now I've had about 10 sessions and there is a definate change in my thinking. I've come to realize that I have every reason to feel angered and hurt by the things I've been through. You are entitled to your feelings and to feel anger and hurt by the things you witnessed and went through. Counselling brings all this to the surface so its not surpriseing you are struggling with the feelings it brings up. I missed one of my sessions because i just didn't want to go. I told my counceller this and she said its to be expected in her line of work and she understood. Please go back and tell you counceller how you have been feeling about going and I think you will feel reassured. Don't put yourself down for not going.its bloody hard! Please please don't give up on it, it will get easier. If after a few more sessions you still feel no different then maybe you need to see another counceller. It could be that this one is just not right for you.
Please continue with you medication or see your doctor about a different one if you really don't feel its helping. Bear in mind they take a few weeks to kick in.
I'm glad you have someone supportive in you life. I commend you for getting so far at uni. If your struggling with your work is there a tutor or some one at uni you could talk to about this, as I'm sure you are not the only one struggling and they maybe able to offer some support.
I hope this helps in some small way. Take care.X
Like you, my life has suffered as a result of a horrible childhood. I understand what you are saying. I never got on with talking therapy but found energy work helped me the most. Things like meditation and release though hypnosis.
One thing I will advise is not to isolate yourself. I did that and it didn't help and made matters worse. Please don't start to disconnect with life. There is hope it is a case of lifting every stone until you find something that you find helps. Keep telling yourself that you are not going back there.
Take care and I send heart felt best wishes
I have had one course of CBT and on the waiting list for a second course. Just to let you know CBT is not like counselling it is very structured you have to put a lot of work into it at home, in my area if you miss a session without giving notice you are discharged from the service, but also saying that it has very good success rates.
I had it on the NHS through the IAPT team (immediate access to psychological therapies) I was referred by my GP, not sure if you can self refer but there is information on the internet about it.
as for quick access I think it would depend on your area I was reffered beginning of February and still waiting to start although my first course I wasn't waiting as long. Hope this answers some questions. If you want to discuss further you can private message me.
Thanks for the advice, I'm just worried my doctor back home won't do anything... He is pretty useless and doesn't really listen to you, I would change but I really don't want to have to keep explaining my history until someone will refer me! Even with my history my doctor at home wouldn't put me on medication or refer me.
I think my main problem at the moment is the worry of inconsistency in my treatment. I'm going to be moving home in a few weeks, which means moving doctors and then having to be referred and then waiting for treatment again. I don't want to go to a counsellor and get everything to the surface to then have to deal with all of it on my own. That's partly why I've stopped going, but I've just sorted another appointment with my doctor to sort out my meds again, just to get me through.
thanks for all the kind words guys, it's really helped to know I'm not alone!
Unfortunately you are not alone but this is a good thing because there are people who know what you are going through.
I have a low opinion of the established medical profession. With the support of those who care about you you may have to find what works for you. I have found that most doctors are good at prescribing pills but don't understand the issues enough to have the answers. Make use of what the NHS have available and in tandem look at alternative therapies. I am not dismissing other therapies but I found energy release therapy works with me. This is not available on the NHS. May I suggest use hypnosis to find the true cause then get the hypnotherapist to release the trapped energy.
You can do this but you will probably have to take the lead in finding what will help you.
I am happy to discuss my energy release stuff if you wish
Take care