it’s happening, i’m having another breakdown. someone asked me how i was doing and i told them fine, of course i was hesitant, of course what i really wanted to say was anything opposite of “i’m fine” but i can’t help myself, saying i’m fine is easier for them, it’s not like anyone really cares.. but when they told me it’s nice to hear you’re okay i lost it, i fell into an uncontrollable fit of tears.. they just started pouring one after the other.. i feel so lonely.. i could be surrounded by a group of people and i will still feel lonelier than ever.. i don’t know how much longer i can keep playing this game pretending i’m okay.. i don’t know how much longer i can stay on this earth, i can’t persuade my own self that being alive is worth it anymore. i’m so tired of this all..
Dear Mariah hang on. Fine someone to talk to keep coming back here talk to us. You don’t have to pretend on here tell us how you are really feeling. We will listen and not judge.
I have put on a brave “ I’m fine “ face for most of my life. It is exhausting.
Has something happened recently to make things worse?
you can feel better if you get help. Talk therapy and antidepressants are hope for you. Tell your family and friends if you haven't already. There is no reason to fight this fight alone. Others can help you. Know you are not alone. Many many suffer from depression. Depression can be cyclical so remember this might just be a low time for you but it can get better if you get help! Keep in touch.