My boyfriend broke up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten worse.

[nh_user_1178745]

So my boyfriend (18) and I (22) had been dating for a little over a year. We’re both in college and everything has been great. No major fights, arguments or anything to cause real relationship issues. We’ve been through a lot together with him coming out to his religious family and me telling and introducing him to mine. It’s been a year of challenges but together we overcame them. Now I’ve known that my boyfriend had anxiety and depression because he’s talked about it with me before, not in great detail because he was raised that it was weak to talk about his mental health. I’ve even helped him through a few of his panic attacks. So pretty much everything’s been going great.

Then all of a sudden at the end of March he asked for a break because he needed some space. I gave it to him and he came back a day later saying he’s never needed me more than ever because he’s so depressed and he wasn’t in the right headspace and that he loves me and everything’s easier when we’re together. So we tried working through this together and I thought things were going great, aside from school and work stress. Fast forward to May. He texts me out of blue saying he needs to talk, so we meet up and he says he needs to break up with me because his depression and anxiety has gotten really bad and he feels like he can’t talk to me about it and that he needs space and time to figure himself out. So hearing all of this I’m a wreck, I’m trying to talk to him and tell him that we can come up with plans to work through this and that it’s always been better and easier together; we’ve always been stronger together, which we’ve said to each other multiple times whenever it gets rough. I can’t convince him of anything. So I tell him that no mater what I’m still here for him and that I’m not giving up on him and that I know he can get through this because he’s tough and I’ll always be here if he needs me.

So after the break up we've said that we still love and care about each other. It’s been about three weeks now that we’ve been broken up and it feels like he’s just cutting me out of his life and wants nothing to do with me. He’s responded to my few texts but ignores my attempts to meet up and talk. I feel like I’ve lost half of myself and it’s so hard not being able to be there for him and not talking is the hardest thing in the world. I love him so much, we’ve been through so much together and I don’t want to give up, not only on us but him. He’s going on this two month long trip to Ireland this summer and then we’ll be back at school in the fall. I really want to be there and help him and of course I want to rekindle the relationship.

I guess me question is how can I still be there for him when it feels like he doesn’t want me in his life right now and is there a chance we can get our relationship back? 

[nh_user_910044]

Hi Salsa - sorry to read you are suffering. Has your partner explored any medical avenues for depression? If not, that's the place to start. Meanwhile do what you've been doing - be there for him while you give him space to sort things out. The thing with depression is that the sufferer needs to be proactive in finding a solution or a plan to manage the illness, to understand it and any triggers that may exacerbate it. 

[anon87974465]

Hi Salsa,

Sorry to hear that you suffering from the depression. I can understand your situation. First of all you should try to release all your various tensions and negative thinking from your mind to live free from unwanted stress. You should try to talk to him and solve all the things together. You should also tell your boyfriend that there is no need of taking too much tension about anxiety because it is just a bad health condition of brain which can be easily cure by taking proper medication and following a healthy diet. Anxiety can also reduces by engaging yourself into various activities like writing journals, reading books and etc. You should also tell him to do regular exercise that gives him strength and good mental balance.

[nh_user_1170025]

U have to hang in there, my partner left our home 6 weeks ago and I know exactly how you feel, was all out of the blue and I Was was dumbstruck and broken. He revealed he’s depressed again and admitted he can’t cope with our family life and all it throws at us, kids jobs pets etc.... my children aren’t his. We’ve been together 6 years. So fast forward 6 weeks, he completely shut me out at the beginning too and I just kept sending little texts to say I was here, nothing big and nothing he needed to answer. We first went on a small walk and have built things up steady, he now come at the weekend and things are definitely improving. He told me he didn’t know how he felt about me anymore and hasn’t discussed that part since, it’s like his emotions are numb but baby steps and all that. He’s been on meds 6 weeks too. Is your bf on any meds or has he seen a GP?? He really needs some help and as soon as the meds kick in u will see a difference. It’s been the hardest time of my life going through this but I promise you it does get better but that’s so hard to believe at a time like this I know... pm me if u want any further advice. I hope u get sorted x