My Experience with Herpes

Sexual health
1

I am a 28 year old female. I am smart, beautiful, educated, funny, and quite frankly, a damn good catch. Here is my story with genital herpes.

Six days ago, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. My gynecologist took one look at a bump on my pelvis and said, "I think it's herpes," before she even took a look down below. I couldn't even process what she had just said to me. All I could think was, "Me? Herpes? No way. This must be a bad dream, and tomorrow it will all be forgotten." Nope. This was now my reality.

She proceeded with the examination and threw in a, "Yup. This is classic herpes."

I had been experiencing a week from hell. My whole nether region was red, inflamed, swollen, burning. Using the bathroom felt like passing razor blades. I had a fever for days accompanied with chills all day/night long. I wasn't sleeping, and I wasn't eating because I was terrified to use the bathroom. I was living silently with this pain for days, because I didn't know what was going on and who I could talk to about this. All I did was pray and hope that this would sort itself out and tomorrow I'll be ok. But unfortunately, that was not the case. It was not getting any better. And I needed help from a professional.

I made an emergency appointment with the Gyno and decided to tell my mom that I think I have an infection going on down there. She was immediately understanding and took me to the dr. Once I got my diagnosis, I called her into the exam room and immediately broke down. She consoled me with words like, "Herpes is inside everyone. It's not a big deal." Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one with genital herpes. I took a blood test to determing whether it's HSV1 or HSV2 and am still awaiting my results. If I had to guess, I could bet my life on the fact that my (ex)partner (who gets cold sores on his mouth all the time) gave me HSV1 genitally through oral. I left with a presciption for Valtrex and a face full of tears. All I could think was, "Now what?"

Well, I've been doing a ton of research this past week. Not much else you can do when you're hibernating in the house waiting for this to pass. I also want to add that while this was happening, I also had an infected wisdom tooth coming in, surrounded by swollen gums. I had gone to Urgent Care and they immediately declared I had strep throat, even though the Strep test was negative. They sent me home with antibiotics. This was before my herpes diagnosis. It's still unclear whether the puss pockets in my mouth were due to my tooth infection or the herpes, but I am just glad to say that they have all cleared up. I have been taking antibiotics and Valtrex for the past 5 days, and I can finally eat, pee, and poop like a normal human being. (The pooping still hurts a bit, but we're definitely making progress.)

Now, I want to let everyone know that it does get better. The symptoms DO go away, and luckily for me, they went away rather quickly once I started the medication. I am curious to see how this monster inside me will behave once I finish my first round of meds. I have stocked up on Vitamin C and Lysine just in case. I have researched "triggers" but am also aware that these vary for everyone. So I have continued to drink my coffee and eat my chocolate, and so far, so good. I think. My period has also started, so I'm not sure how that is affecting my outbreak and symptoms. This is all so new to me, so I am learning along the way.

One thing that has changed, is that I am much more in-tune with my body. I am noticing every little tingle to the point of paranoia. I don't want to take meds for the rest of my life. I'm barely comfortable taking Advil when I have a headache. Medicine gives me anxiety, so I am determined to learn my prodrome symptoms so I can take action only when needed. This is my life from now on.

My biggest fear is dating with this monster inside me. Isn't that what it is? A monster lurking inside your body, just waiting for that moment of weakness and vulnerability to strike? I'm pretty sure I know exactly when and how I got this, and I can definitely say that it was during one of my lowest lows. I was extremely vulnerable, and the monster got the best of me. But I refuse to let it take over my life. I am not this disease.

I have read both horror and happiness stories regarding dating with herpes. I'm definitely not one to sleep around for fun, so that's not my concern. My biggest fear is meeting someone I can see a future with, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, and have them walk away out of fear or disgust because of this stupid, stupid, thing inside me. I keep telling myself the right one will look past it. The right one will take the (very minimal) risk. But so many people are misinformed and ignorant when it comes to herpes. So many people fall victim to the stigma attached to this skin condition. It's going to be a tough challenge, and to be honest, I'm not ready for it. Hopefully, one day I am.

I still haven't come to terms with my diagnosis. There are moments when I'm like, "F it. This is silly and probably won't affect me much." And then there are moments where I'm like, "Why would anyone want to date me when I wouldn't even date me?" Those moments are the worst.

I still haven't told any of my friends about it. I have no idea how they would react, and I honestly don't trust that they would keep my secret. I definitely want to destroy the stupid herpes stigma, but I'm not ready to put myself out there. Not just yet. But with statistics like "1 in 4 women" and "1 in 5 men", why aren't more people talking about it?? I can't help but wonder how many people I already know who have this? If more people spoke up, it would be like talking about the flu, or mono, or a tooth infection. Sure, you wouldn't make out with someone infected with the flu, or mono, or a tooth infection, but those scenarios DO NOT define that person. Why is herpes any different?

We are all human beings, with feelings, and hopes, and dreams. And we all deserve to be loved. Herpes is so damn common, it's ridiculous. They don't even test for it regularly, because so many people have it! And with the possibility of transmission varying from 8% down to 1% (with medication AND condoms), what is the big damn deal, really??

I know this is only the beginning for me, but I will try my best to keep this positive outlook on my life. I will not let this monster take over. I have not informed my ex about my situation yet, but I definitely will once I receive my blood test results. He does not deserve to go on living his life blissfully unaware of the monster inside him, and the power her has over any woman he comes in sexual contact with in the future. No woman should have to experience the pain and suffering I experienced for 2 weeks, just because someone is unaware or totally uneducated about their own body. After I tell him, I hope I never see him again.

Some tips for anyone currently experiencing their primary outbreak:

- DRINK WATER. I avoided drinking for 2 days because it was so painful to pee, but water actually HELPS. It dilutes the urine and makes it sting so much less. As for pooping, I didn't poop for like 4 days because it was way too painful. I also couldn't eat because my whole mouth was swollen, so I didn't really have much in me to pass through.

- Sit in a bath or rinse with water whenever possible. This really helps relieve the burn.

- Ice packs are magical.

- Stock up on Ibuprofen!!

- If you can go commando at night, do it. The sores need air to heal.

- I used Desitin (40% zinc) on my sores and they completely dried out overnight. This worked for me, but everyone is different.

- It gets better! The pain will reside and you will start to feel like your normal self again. Within 3 days after starting Valtrex, I was able to pee without an ounce of pain, and that had made all the difference. The rest is cake after that.

I already feel better after this endless rant. Thank you all for reading. Even if just one person finds helpful advice or hope in my story, I will be happy. I have also been following a recent story about a promising herpes vaccine in research, which has made more progress than any study in the past. Let's hope this is achieved within the next few years, so we can put a complete end to not only this horrible stigma, but to this silly little disease, as well.

Please feel free to ask any questions or to share your own story. We are all in this together. 

2

Hey girl.

Im 28 also. Personal trainer (healthy) and was diagnosed with type 1 today (after being misdiagnosed with ingrown hairs a week ago). They are big boils that hurt and sting and burn so im hoping with meds (which i started today) this will go away.

As for the dating thing, that was my first reaction. Until i realized its a great tool for weeding out the jerks. A man who cant support me having herpes will by no means be able to support me when something life threatening happens, or i lose a limb, or get a mental disorder so really girl this is a blessing.

You said you use ice packs... on the sores? I want to try this but havent gotten home yet.

Shoot me asg on here if ya like and we can go through this ordeal together.

Your friend Kim

3

Hey Kim,

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis today. I know first-hand that it isn't easy, but at least now you know what's going on and you can take the proper steps towards recovery.

You will definitely start to feel better within a few days. The desitin really worked for me. I applied one time directly on the sore, and the next morning, it had greatly decreased in size and was dry. Together with the meds now, they are basically gone just a few days later.

I used a small ice pack wrapped in paper towels in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and the burn was just unbearable. It really worked wonders. Just laid on my back and put the ice pack between for instant relief. How embarassing, the things we have to do for this disease, right? It definitely helps though with the burning. I'm not sure if you have the same symptoms, but I was on fire down there.

As for the dating, I definitely agree with you on weeding out the jerks. The fact that people are so uneducated on the topic or misinformed is what scares me the most, just because people think it's way worse than it already is. But it will be my job to teach them otherwise. It's not my focus just yet, as I reallly need to work on being comfortable in my now new skin, before I can even imagine going out into the dating world again.

Wish you the best of luck! Feel free to ask any questions! I had also used vagisil medicated wipes just to keep the area clean in between baths or showers. Some people said they sting, but I didn't experience that at all. Also, a blow dryer on the cool setting on low really helps dry you out after a shower.

You got this, girl.

4

Thank you for sharing. I found out this week I was positive. I am still in shock. I have been with my husband for 24 years never cheated and never had any problems. I started with this bad yeast infection and then got a sore thought it was a pimple or ingrown hair bump. Told my husband and guess what he admitted to cheating. Funny thing we went and got tested I'm positive he was negative. I'm totally in shock. I have cried and cried don't know what to do. I have not taken any valtrex was too much in shock. My best friend had it for years and she believes in all natural meds so I tried what she was taking VS-C and lysine and it cleared up. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this. All sites I have been on and chat rooms people are saying I may have had it for years even before marriage and not know but I can't imagine all this time and never had a breakout iam not under any stress now and I had a breakout I have been under worst stress over the years. My husband is in as much denial as iam because he was negative. So much questions with no answers

5

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. It's good however, that you were able to clear everything up naturally, and that you have a best friend you can relate with. As for your marriage, I truly hope you guys can work through this and rise above.

I took a blood test last week and the first thing my gyno said to me was that, "this will probably come back negative." Apparently, if you had just contracted the virus, you need to have it for a few months before it can be detected. Your body needs time to build up antibodies to the virus, which are detected in the test -- from what I understand. I wonder if this is what's happening to your husband? If my test comes back negative, I need to go back in 3 months and try again.

I'm no Dr by any means, but maybe it's possible your yeast infection brought this on? It's possible it was dormant inside of you for years and chose this perfect moment to greet itself. I know it's a shocker right now, but you will see how strong you are and how capable you are of managing this and keeping it under control. I swear it felt like the end of my world when I was diagnosed. It still does sometimes, but I'm learning to take it day by day. It's definitely a learning process.

It's a shame that so much of this disease is a mystery. There are so many people who don't know where or how or when they were first infected. And with so many advances in medical technology, you would think there would be an accurate test for determining whether you have the virus or not. Let alone a cure.

It will get better. Just pay attention to your body and learn the symptoms. At this point, it probably doesn't even matter how or when you got it. I would retest your husband in a few months if it would make you feel any better. Apparently, it is also much harder to transfer from woman to man, than from man to woman. Go figure...

Wishing you all the best. You will get through this!

6

Your story sounds like mine but I had a catheter for two weeks. I couldn't pee for nothing because of the pain. There's a cream called Zovirax which heals the bumps in 3 days. It's like magic!!! I decided to take meds everyday because I got diagnosed in April but been having outbreaks every couple weeks due to stress. Just about anything can trigger an outbreak. Also I was told even if you have symptoms & not a outbreak you have to take meds smh my life. I currently moved on from my ex who gave me the herpes & I like somebody. I'm scared to talk to him though, this is too much for me

7

This virus definitely affects everyone differently. I am so sorry for what you had to go through. That sounds so painful! Hope you are feeling better by now.

My advice would be just to take things slow. You need to feel comfortable and confident with yourself before you worry about entering a relationship with someone one. As long as you present your situation with confidence and ensure your partner that you will do everything possible to protect him, he will understand and stick by you. If not, they he is not worth it, and you deserve much better.

You will get through this and you will realize how strong you are! It may seem like too much now, but just it one day at a time, and when you are ready, you will know!

8

UPDATE: I do want to add to my story that I received the results to my blood test today, which came back negative. The Dr. had mentioned that this might happen if the virus is new. The body needs time to develop antibodies to the virus, which can then be detected in the blood.

She did also mention that while my pap smear came back normal, they did find traces of herpes on that. I was advised to go back in about 4 months and take another blood test to see if anything comes up.

At this point, it is what it is. I may or may not ever have another outbreak again. I'll take it day by day and see how my body handles this. I will not be taking suppressive meds, as I want to see how this plays out. If I need to take a Valtrex here and there at the onset of an OB, then so be it. Honestly, things could be so much worse.

Sending love to all of you who are going through the same thing.

9

Thank you for your story! My blood test came back negative as well, but my swab was positive. This means I never had it before. My husband unfortunately cheated with a woman, who didn't know she had herpes and he brought it home to me. I'm disgusted,disappointed,hurt and sad. I've thought about leaving him, but I have multiple reasons to stay. If I do , I really don't want to go through the process of dating, then have to share that I have herpes. The first outbreak was accompanied by fever and fatigue. I thoughtit was pregnancy symptoms, then the pain below and itching I thought was a severe yeast infection or uti. Never thought any of this would ever happen to me especially being married

10

Hey Mary.

I'm 27, and I was diagnosed 2weeks ago with h2 from a swab test and I feel like my life is over. I was in a relationship and he dumped me I told him to get blood work done to see if he have it, even though that was my first out ob I could've been had it, I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. I told my ex partner as well bc I will never want to give someone this so I feel that was the right thing to do. I think I got it from him bc he did a lot of cheating bit I doubt he get checked out or even tell me if he have it.

I gave up trying to figure out between the 2 bc I can't stress myself out i don't want to have another ob.

I'm still reading and learning and like yourself I've read a lot of love stories with people who has h2 and they are happily married with kids. I have a daughter already and want more but I feel no one will date me.

Idk when I'll be ready to date or have sex again bc this is not a conversation I want to have with everyone, so I'm just going to wait maybe forever. I think I'm more afraid of giving it to someone else.

I just don't understand. I've told 3 of my closest friends and they're great when I have my bad days I talk to them and they let me know I'll be ok, between them and this group ik I'll be ok and will always have a ear when I need it.

11

You sound like me. Ugh it just makes me wanna cry. I have been diagnosed 3 months ago, so I'm still in the process of healing. I think the worst part about this for me is not knowing who I contracted it from. I don't sleep around and at the time I had just got out of a monogamous relationship. However I did date this one guy for some time and we did eventually take it to the next level. After that was when I started experiencing Herpes symptoms and from there i was convinced he gave it to me. I still don't really have a clue if the clinic tested him for it because it wasn't stated on his STD results.

I feel the same way you do! I promise. I have became very attentive to my health and body changes, its ridiculous. And I'm still doing plenty of research on this thing. One things for certain...Herpes has become so common, most healthy facilities don't even test for it, scary right? It can lie dormant in the body as well. So even if you do test negative for it through a "swab" and "blood" test, chances are you could be carrying it and not even know. I have cut back from a lot of caffeine and alcohol just so I can listen better to my body and what makes it reacts the way it does. And also with taking my vitamins daily. Sometimes I just wish I could reverse the hands of time, no one deserves this. But at the same time I do believe this monster has strengthened me not only physically but mentally as well, I thank God for his grace and mercy. And I too can also attest that my situation has gotten better with time, thanks for sharing your story 🙏

12

Hi!

Im not even sure if you will see this because it is a year later.

But I am pretty sure I'm going to be diagnosed with genital herpes tomorrow because I have most of the symptoms of the bumps and what not. I can not help but be mad, I was such a goody good in high school when it came to hooking up with people. Then, I had one wild night in college and a week and a half later I have this disease. I want to have a normal sex life, whether that be random hookups or with a partner, but is that possible? I feel so bad about myself and feel like I cannot really tell anyone. 

13

Hi. 

Two days ago, I went to the emergency room because I was in so much pain. It helped that I knew the doctor that was doing my exam. I asked him what it looked like and he said “this is Herpes”. My heart sank, and I thought my life was over. I didn’t want to live anymore. 

Luckily this doctor had no judgement, and was very compassionate. He told me about how common it was, and how I can live with it and still have everything that I want in my future. That helped me to calm down a bit. Until my family arrived. 

When my family arrived, they couldn’t even look at me. They treated me like I was the disease itself. They thought that they could catch it from just touching me. I felt so disgusting and unwanted. One of my family members told me that no good man will probably ever want me now. But I choose not to believe those words. 

This pain is the most severe pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. One thing that I struggle with the most is peeing. It hurts so bad that my whole body starts to shake and I cry and almost pass out. I haven’t found an effective way to pee without the intense burning yet, and i was hoping that someone could give me some tips because at this point, no matter how much I need or want to pee, my mind won’t let me. Please, if any of you have found something that works, let me know I’m willing to try anything!! Also, if you know of any cream that I could apply to the sores to help them heal faster or numb them that would be great too! 

I go in for my blood test in two weeks. Please pray, if you do pray, or wish me luck and send positive vibes my way. It’s so good to know that I’m not alone in this painful journey. 

14

Hello Savanah, 

I was just diagnosed today and let me tell you it has been such a hard week. My boyfriend passed it on to me through a cold sore he had on his mouth. We had no idea it could pass on through oral sex. 

I started antivirals a day ago and I’m seeing no change yet but I’m staying strong and praying for this to pass. My doctor recommended I apply Desitin to the sores so I did and I’m hoping to feel a change in the morning. I’m sorry you’re going through this because I know it’s not easy and it’s very very painful. Stay strong and remember that this will pass and your symptoms will subside. 

I’ll be praying for everyone on this thread. 

15

I seen your post and I just wanted to follow up with you and see if this website is legit. I too suffer from this awful disease it’s been over 15 years for me. 

16

Thank you for your story! I just got diagnosed and feel like my world has ended! Your story is helping me deal! 

17

I know this is a bit late but i need a help im 16 years old and im having the symptoms of herpes on my genital its relly hurts i cant do anything but to cry my mother is on abroad and were not financially okay im really scared to tell my parents because they really dont know that im having a boyfriend already  because theyre really conservative im trying to treat this myself i dont wanna tell anyone i have a boyfriend and im her first and his also my first sex he never been kiss or enggange in any kissing im really his first everything they say this is sexually transmitted im so scared i didnt have sex to anyone but my current boyfriend hes my first im really in panic he said he never cheat on me and i really trust him because he really show me how much he love me day by day and im totally depressing my self about this im a heavy drinker but occasionally now and i have a bad habits on hygiene i got this symptompa maybe after drinking an alcohol right after that my down there was itchy and after i woke up its burning sore please help me i never consult a doctor because i dont have money im sticking to treat this with water with salt in the morning and evening i make it a washer sorry for my english and right away after 10s i wash it with water and then im start eating fish and vegetables and not eating sweets im trying to have a good lifestyle im taking vitaminsC  right now please help me

18

Wow. I needed to read this today! I’m in the middle of my first OB and this was so helpful. Thank you for reminding me that I’m strong enough to deal with this and that it will get better! 

19

thank you for sharing your experience. I am literally going through the exact same thing and I'm an emotional mess over it. Your words really helped me feel like everything will be okay.

20

MaryK15, Thank you for sharing your story. My daughter was just diagnosed with oral herpes simplex 1. It was a shock to hear. She is only 16 years old who has been dating her boyfriend for 8 months now. I am here for her and i am hoping this will be a wake up call to help her realize how many things are out there that we forget about until they rise to the surface. I feel like a bad mom for this to happen to her. I had the discussion with her about having sex and the dangers but to be honest I was not prepared for this. It wasnt until I started doing my research and boy you are not kidding at how common this is! My prayer is that she will be able to lead a normal life without major issues! I am not sure if you will see this message, if you do can you possibly send some information on how you have been coping and handling things. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you