People are rubbish

Mental health
1

I know there are a lot of people out there who do not have depression but act as a great support for those who have it and I hope you all have a friend/relative you can talk to when things get tough who helps. 

I personally have only ever experienced the opposite, it doesn't matter how much you are there for someone as soon as the shoe is on the other foot and you need help they bolt, or are simply not interested/can't be bothered to talk things through and help you out. 

Maybe this is just my own experience with people or maybe it's because the people I choose to talk to don't understand depression, they expect to be able to ignore you and hide whilst you are going through a really tough day and don't understand when the "tough day" is every day. 

I think it's easier to just put the mask on and agree with these people that you are fine, rather than constantly getting let down. 

Sorry for the rant - and I hope you are all having a lovely Thursday!

2

Hi fee, I know what your going through, I hv my dad to talk to and my thearpist. I suggest you seek advice frm your gp. Good luck

3

Hi Fee25,

i find that because of my problems I tend to have been the person who was there, when friends had problems they found my way to my door but as you describe when I needed help no one seemed to believe me. I do find that those of us with depression tend to be good listeners, maybe we empathise or maybe knowing others have problems lets us feel less isolated. As you say though having depression is not like having a bad day and I find more help on sites like this than family or friends. I now have close friends who I trust mainly because they are like me, I've met them through sites or even when I was in hospital. 

I don't see your post as a rant but an expression of how most of us have felt and I offer you my friendship on here, no need for masks feel free to vent

namaste 

4

Hi fee, you did not rant - you should see some of my posts lol.

I agree with you SO much. I'm sorry you have to experience the lack of kindness and consideration you show others. It's just not on is it.

Almost my entire family has turned their back on me because I speak truthfully about the abuse I had while not one of them lifted a finger to stop it, report it or now support me in my recovery. They prefer to side with the abusers.

As a recovering Co-dependent I would forget myself literally and work tirelessly for others like a slave. I would wait ..."they do love me, don't they? They will show me love, eventually, won't they?" NO, they never did and they probably never will. In fact since I installed internal and external boundaries more people than ever have been agressive to me. Because they like the push-over much more than someone who is standing up for themselves.

Some people do have support during their illness and beyond. That is brilliant and I am truly glad for them. But it is not the case for all of us.

As of last week I had to say goodbye to a friend... who whilst saying they cared for me and wanted to help, decided to shout and scream at me, projecting their own failings onto me.

They are not able to stand up to a bully in their own life and thought it okay to treat me as if I were that bully.

I asked them to leave and as I had already given them numerous chances to change this behaviour, I have to show myself some respect and end our friendship.

This is particularly sad as this is my last physical friend in the world - I have online buddies, thank goodness!

Having what seems like the world turn against you makes the self-doubt return and you are prone to muddle their behaviour with thoughts of it being your fault in some way. I do anyway.

My instinct tells me I am correct in my belief that this person will not change and I will reap a reward now I have made this decision.

I wish you all the best

S

5

Hi I do emphasise with you.  The trouble with being a good listener is that you attract those who just want to talk and not share.   In other words the abusers,  the takers and not the givers.   True friendship is much more even and maybe you need to downgrade the takers from friends to casual as and when friends and seek out those who can listen as well as talk.  x

 

6

Hi fee, I know exactly what you mean. You have to very lucky to have support during mental illness. I 've seen people have that from their family  but I've never had that. My experience has been just like yours. I have learnt not to expect it and so I genarlly don't go out of my way for anyone any more. I don't have  anything but casual conversations now. I;m lucky that i have my son and we stand by each other. I have the company of my dogs who bring joy and love into my life, Some times having mental illness can bring out the worse in others. They can take advantage or become bullies. I come on this site because if I can help someone then they won't experience the loneliness I did.Is there a centre near you where you can go to during the day where you can talk with others experiencing similar feelings. Cities usually have them.

7

Glad you have somebody to talk to Steph I am indeed seeking help from my gp - it's just the limbo before going where you find you don't know what to do with yourself! 

8

Hi David, thanks for your reply!

I completely agree with you, having depression can really open your eyes to the selfishness of others, they will happily talk at you for hours on end but are completely unwilling to discuss anything other than themselves. 

I'm glad that you have found friends that understand - and this site is such a massive help as the people here are understanding and so supportive. Kindness and selflessness can be a rare thing to find, which is a massive shame but at least we have these forums!  

9

It's shocking how heartless and blind people can be! And I am really sorry to hear of the way your family have chosen to act, it sounds awful - but I'm 100% with you, carry on speaking the truth, it is their loss and not yours!

It is hard letting go of a friend but if they are unsupportive and dragging you down the best thing is to let them go - at least for a while and it is great that you are taking control of these decisions, personally I am a bit of a pushover and should probably follow your lead in that area! 

You sound like a lovely person so I am sure there will be more physical friends to come! But in the mean time these forums are such a help. 

I personall sought help from a friend that I believed I could trust, things have been very dark recently and everytime I listened, supported and advised this friend I was told that I could "talk to him about anything, whenever" my mistake was taking this literally - I replied to his casual message saying I was feeling very low and was ignored, the next day I receive a message saying are you better now, when I replied that I was struggling I was ignored again - and still am being ignored. 

I always make an effort with anyone who is struggling, and if they feel they can confide in me then that is great and I will help them, unfortunately these people are only interested in themselves and it is simply not healthy to keep these people around. 

Sad but true, at least we have some solace here! 

10

Very true hypercat! 

It's a shame that you can believe a friendship to be true after putting in hours and hours of support to a friend and realising it was obviously not that way when you seek help from them. I could never imagine ignoring or shooting down a friend if they came to me for help/were struggling it seems to me to be so hearltess. But we have these forums, which are full of great and supportive people so hopefully we will find somebody like this in real life too! xx

11

Hi Barbara, definitely agree with you there and I'm sad to hear you have had a similar experience to me, it's very hard. It's sad in a way but I think sticking to those casual conversations and no more is the only way to stop being let down by others and after putting in so much of your own time to support/listen to somebody and being shot down when you seek the same from them is genuinely an awful thing for anyone to do.

I am glad to hear that you have your son and of course your dogs, whenever I go to stay with my parents for a while my dog there brings so much happiness into my life, they help a lot more than "friends"! 

This site is a great place to go for help, the people here have always been so supportive and understanding and it's just a shame that not everybody is like that. I'm moving around quite a lot as I am currently leaving University, moving home for two months and then moving to a new city, so there may be a centre for help soon but, in the mean time I have this site at least! 

12

Fee,

ive sat opposite professionals with all the qualifications who nod and take notes but you know that you are just a case number, I often feel like a specimen being examined. When I talk to people on here or those I know with experience of mental illness with no qualifications I only ever feel support and empathy. It's a shame having a mental health issue isn't a qualification because some of the people on here would make excellent counsellors 

13

Definitely, real empathy and caring is key - which is something a lot of health professionals can lack, because for them you are a part of work. 

The people on this site have given me brilliant and constructive advice in the past and it is because they truly understand how debilitating depression or any mental illness can be, it's tiring - it's rubbish! 

I am just glad I stumbled across this forum, as without it - I have no idea where I'd be! 

14

Hi I agree I have a friend who has depression like me only hers goes away alot quicker than mine. I help her as much as I can when she's ill but as soon as I'm ill she's nowhere to be seen. I feel Really low tired and anxious today and am going out tonight but dreading it. I just want to be well but can't seem to pull myself out of this hole. Sometimes I think coming off my meds might help so fed up of feeling like this and I don't even kbow why. I have a great family who love me no other relatives really but why am I feeling so bad alk the time. Maybe meds do strip you of yourself? Hope you're having a better day.

Chris

15

I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling so much  

It is unfair of her to treat you that way but, I 100% know the feeling your situation sounds a lot like mine, my friend feels low and I help him, I help anyone who comes to me and is struggling. But when you ask for the same, the "friends" don't want to know! 

Maybe you should talk to your GP about trying some different medication? If it isn't helping you then don't let it be, definitely go and see what else they can offer you. Even more talking therapy/mindfulness sessions? 

Depression is the one thing that does not discriminate, I constantly ask myself why I went for so long feeling perfectly happy and yet now can barely pull myself out of bed. 

Take it easy today, maybe your night out will help, I hope it does. 

You always have the people on here to support you

16

I am glad you have found and friends here, as we all care so much about each other.  It is because we all have depression and understand how others are feeling.  It is not always easy for people who have not had depression to understand how it affects us.

I am sorry you have little support, which is such a great help to many.  I find this forum makes me so much less lonely.

Take care and keep in touch.  Big hugs

17

Hi Anne, you're right - the people on here are very supportive and kind because they understand what others are going through, they can relate and they support because they know how tough this illness is. 

Some people don't understand or can't tolerate depression because it isn't something that just goes away. I'm glad this forum helps you, it always makes me feel better, everyone is so helpful and kind here. 

xxx

18

Hi fee thanks for replying. I think you're right I keep well for 3 months then bang ill again. Been feeling like this since Feb. Lithium has been mentioned to me so I think I seriously have to consider it. Ive tried quite a few antidepressant in the past. I'm at the end of my tether at the moment. The more anxious I feel the more my ears Ring too. It's horrible.

Thank you for listening xx

19

That sounds awful Chris, it can be very daunting taking medication, especially when it doesn't seem to be doing the job and all you want is to feel well again. It's a horrible place to be when you are trying but nothing seems to be making the difference you need, but you can do it and you will get there eventually - it just takes a lot of time and trial and error unfortunately. 

I really hope you find the right meds/help for you, in the mean time we are all here whenever you need us xxx

20

Thank you that's very kind of you. Can't wait to have something sorted out. My heart is beating through my chest today and I don't know why.

Thanks for your support xx