Ive got no friends and its really getting to me i cry every day and i dont understand what ive done wrong. Ive got a husband of 10 yrs who i couldnt live without but i cant talk to him, if i ever snap at him (very rare) he goes all moody when all i want is a cuddle and reassurance, he feels like another one of my children i care for. I have 6 children, 4 natural and 2 adopted that have complex medical needs and ever since i adopted the first one people have been distancing themselves from me, people ask how he is but i can see them glaze over when i give the answer so now i just say his fine to everyone even if hes in hospital on a breathing machine. Now i have another little one with medical needs no one wants to know me at all, even people who encouraged me to have this little girl have abandoned me both family and so called friends. i just need someone to talk to
No wonder you feel so down !! Nobody is supporting you and you must be feeling very lonely and drained because all you do is give and get nothing back .I don't know how to advise you but im happy to talk to you if you want to.Love from another sufferer Ruth x
Hi Rosie
I can't help either much , but have you thought about joining a Mums and Toddler group, they can't shun you there!
Are there ANY groups in your area which you could join?
I can;t believe your family has abandoned you? Are they not just unaware of what to do?
Hi Rosie,
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like this and don't have anyone to talk to about how you feel. Have you told your husband how you have been feeling? It can be difficult to tell those close to you how you feel for many reasons. I know that when I first started feeling low I didn't want to tell those close to me because I didn't want to upset them. You may feel like they won't be supportive, which I can understand from what you have said.
Please try to talk to someone about how low you have been feeling, it is a good start that you have been able to tell us on here how you have been feeling, it shows that you know you don't feel right and are willing to get help.
Sometimes it can be better to talk to someone who doesn't know you about how you have been feeling, you should try to tell your GP and they can probably refer you for counselling. It sounds like you might benefit from someone on the outside, who can listen to you in a non-judgemental way and give you the support you need.
There are people who can support you, good luck 
thank you for replying, ive tried toddler groups but with a child with special needs its not the right place, people just stare unfortunately, ive been to special groups and made a few friends but they seem to have there own support network and so i dont really fit into their life on a regular basis, i meet them every few months which is fab but not often enough. I have told my husband the last time i felt like this and he was fab for about 3 days then went back to his usual ways and perhaps its my fault but cant be bothered to keep asking him for support when he should see when i need it.
Unfortunately i know my GP, nurses etc too well cuz of the kids i practically live at GPs and hospital and i wouldnt feel comfortable talking to them incase they thought i couldnt manage the kids and try to take them away.
I was fine before my best friend just stopped replying etc, i really dont know what i did to upset her and when i asked her she just said we all have problems thats life. Ive support her through divorce, a violent relationship, a death in her family, taken her on my hols and been there when her kids have had problems, despite my kids being in hospital and very poorly.
As for my family, in all the years my 5 year old has been in hospital they have never not once been to visit us and sometimes its been months. A few times there have been other family members in hospital and they have been to visit them but not come to see us. If i ask them they will look after my other kids but they dont offer. When ive asked them to bring me something up to the hospital they will but i get moaned at cuz theyve got other things to do and i have to leave my sick child to meet them in the car park to get what ive asked for.
Although people always say how fantastic me and my husband are for taking on other peoples children with special needs, i think that cuz their adopted they dont see them as they do the rest of the family which is really sad.
Sorry rant over, thanks for listening
I think you are an angel to those children.
I remember watching an Osmond Special and Donny and Marie were on stage and questions were being asked. Some woman asked Marie how she kept her figure after 8 children. Donny jumped in and said '"oh they are not all hers, some are adopted" Someone sled how many were adopted and Marie replied that she didn't know. Donny said that she MUSt know! No, she replied, they are all my children - end of.
And I thought, what a fabulous woman!
Have you thought of Homestart? They help you in the home with certain things. I don't know much about them but it is a thought. Home-Start UK A leading family support charity
If you want to talk to me I am always here for you. I don;t know you or where you live but I admire you so much for your courage.
Message me any time if you want. We'll swop names privately.
xx
I meant to say, angel to your children, not 'those' children. Sorry xx
Hi Rosie,
Yes it does seem said the way your family and friends are treating you and your children. Things do sound difficult for you as the way you have been isolated is probably increasing your feelings of depression and lonliness.
Although I understand you are having difficulty finding someone to talk to about this, I still think it will really help you to find someone, anyone . Also to keep sociable, don't think that the way you have been treated by your friends and family is the way that everyone will treat you, it is definately not.
Like others have said go to local support groups and toddler groups, try them all. There are often lots of places that do things for children, maybe try your local library or leisure centre, they often have weekly sessions that you can go to and meet the same people and new people each week, often they have a free session aswell so you don't have to spend a fortune .
Do you think you would benefit from some kind of counselling? It could be good for you to talk to someone on the outside who does not know you. I understand what you are saying about how you do not want your GP to know because of your children. I believe that depending on where you live the NHS offer some self-referral services which means you can make an appointment without seeing a GP or other health professional first.
Google 'NHS IAPT' which stands for Improving Access to Psychological Therapies. Then click on services and find what services they offer in your area to see if there is anything you can do through self-referral.
Some towns and cities also have a walk-in medical health centre, you can go in without making an appointment and ask to see a GP who doesn't know you. Some it may be possible for you to speak to a GP there.
Bless you Rosie, I think you are an amazing woman and MOM! I am praying for you now..God to bring some friends in you life to help you and bring you real friendship! 1 Peter 5:7.. Cast all anxieties on Him, because He cares for you!
Trust and believe...hugs, !!
Well, she has found friends here!
Yes IAPT is a good thing, you can self refer at any time. and do look up Homestart, they are good!
i genuinely wish to help you, and i hope what i say will not sound outlandish or strange, i say it because i so strongly believe in it that it surpasses my fear of online scrutiny from others.
i read through many forums on depression, and i enjoy seeing the changes people while i try to help as much as possible. let me give it to you in straightforward terms.
Humans have been roaming the earth for thousands of millennia, roughly 6 thousand thousand years since divergence from primate-like ancient ancestors. for the duration of that enormous amount of time, humans became extremely adept at survival. one of the main modes of transportation and survival that we used to obtain food and achieve safety was through long distance travel. we did not have claws nor powerful jaws, nor were we quick. but we were able to lope about at a brisk pace for prolonged periods of time. we have such a vast amount of adaptations reflecting this theory that it would be rather foolish to not accept it. we sweat, lost our body hair (to more efficiently cool ourselves through sweating), move about bi-pedally, and so much more, so that we could efficiently and effectively hunt four legged animals that after several hours of galloping, could not cool down, and would overheat and die. we had no tools nor weapons, only our hands and teeth, and not until around 1.8 MYA were even the first stone tools aka rocks, used to kill anything, the bow was not invented until 40,000 years ago. humans ran, and they ran, and they ran, and they ran some more.
Fast forward to modern day, where we sit in offices all day and at most get a few hours of exercise a week, can you see where im heading with this? the clear picture is this: humans are good at some things, and designed for them, and when you depart from that which we have evolved to do for millions of years, you get problems. there are so many details and things you may not understand from what i present, but understand this: You need to exercise, and by exercise, i mean run. and you need to run correctly, the way our human ancestors did it, with little to no shoes whatsoever. if you do this, i can guarantee you that your depression will go away. your brain releases a marvelous concoction of chemicals that are an adaptive trait humans evolved to help them cope with the long and painful bouts of exercise. you may have heard of them, they are called endorphins. they are chemically identical with opiates, IE: heroin, morphine, euphoria-inducing drugs. the drugs mentioned above are found in nature from the poppy plant, but are naturally produced in your brain to alleive depression, pain, hunger, anxiety, sadness, and have such a profound impact on the psyche that you may wonder why you've never tried this before! the "runners high", is what you get, the bath of well-being inducing chemicals that bathe your brain every time you exercise for prolonged periods of time(an hour or so at least). people who run regularly and eat normal food (food that humans were eating for the last several million years) are much happier and healthier and upbeat and NEVER, NEVER have i met a person who runs long distance regularly and adheres to this lifestyle who has depression. it just doesnt happen, because they stick to what they are designed to do. you dont buy a car and let it sit in your garage so that you can play with its lights, or open its doors, or inflate and deflate its tires, you buy it so that you can drive it.
i want you to go and buy a pair of minimalist shoes, that allow your foot to function the way its evolved to function, not thick heeled shoes that cause injuries. your feet are not born weak or broken, they are an evolutionary marvel that da vinci himself wondered at in awe. large shoe companies make lots of money on the false idea that your foot is broken and you need man made devices that have been invented barely 30 years ago for them to work correctly.
i want you to go out and jog an easy mile. then wait a few days. when youre not sore, go jog another, then after a week go jog a mile and a half. EASE INTO IT! your feet are weak and soft from wearing shoes your whole life.it will take several months. before long, you will be running like homo erectus, and loving life.
do it for yourself, do it for your life.
-will
Thanks Will, ..be easy on me, I'm almost 58 years old. and will try...when rain stops. It is cold here, too. I
know you are right...
Will Im sure what you say is true but personally I find just getting through the day a battle .Most days I just want to die .I have no interest in anything much and know for sure that going out for a run would be impossible for me - even if my life depended on it .The only thing I WANT to do is go to sleep and never wake up.Saying all that if running helps somebody out there with depression then great
obviously i dont understand how you feel, and it is probably horrendous, and i am sorry. but to be frank, if you go onto a public forum looking for an answer, you should expect to get an answer. and I am happy to answer, without forcing anything on anyone. i promise that if you get up off your couch/bed and do exactly as my previous comment outlined, you will have results. of course work into it, but the further you go the better you'll feel. JUST DO IT. im anxious for your report on how it went!
ps. no thick-soled injury-inducing clodhopper running shoes, go with minimalist shoes! ie. vibram fivefingers, bare feet, moccasins, flat soled shoes.
ok! thanks.....I'm just curious...you have never dealt with depression? So..how did I luck up and get positive advice from you? God send...I'm sure...but...this was first for me going on a site like this...I was just googling side effect of sertraline....and this site caught my attention.
Well thxs Will im sure you do want to help and im sure running does help some people but what concerns me about your comment is that you think all people with depression sit on their couch and do nothing else but that is not me and that is not my life. I have 6 children, two adopted with complex medical needs. I get up at 6am and rarely sit down before 9pm. My son is 5 has epilepsy, hypotonia, chronic lung disease requiring 24 hour oxygen and is on bipap (breathing machine) at night, he is deaf/blind with cataracts and glaucoma, he is completely peg feed through his tummy, and has severe global developmental delay, he requires hoisting to get out of bed and evertime he is moved which is several times a day. My daughter is 8 months old has a tracheostomy, profoundly deaf/blind (has no eyes) and no smell, he has epilepsy, peg fed and developemental delay. So please dont just assume because im depressed im a lazy lay about cuz im not but i am lonely which is what i posted originally and just need someone to talk too which the other people on this forum were doing a great job of doing so thanks to all of them, i will message some people privately when i get some time but i have really appreciated everyones time to respond.
Hi,
I think it is important to point out that a person does not get depression from not exercising. There are millions of people who are obese, have poor diets and don't do any exercise a week who don't get depression. On the otherhand there are people who have active lifestyles and healthy diets that do get depression. It is true that exercise can help to improve the symptoms of depression, and it is a great idea to get any exercise that you can when you can. However for many people when depression is at is worst, just to get out of bed and take a shower seems like a marathon. I know myself how exercise has helped to keep me positive as it does make you feel good, but it is something that needs to be eased into gently and only when the time is right. Be Happy
Hi Rosie
I think that now we all know the extent of your difficulties in your life we can all do something better to help.
I take it that these children are not your natural ones and you have adopted? you are so brave and courageous to give of yourself so much and it is only natural that you want something back in the form of friendship in return.
Do tyr Homestart, I know the name is bait confusing as you are not starting a home but it is a form of help and someone to talk to. xx
Hi Rosie, I understand totally the isolation you are feeling as I have a son with complex health needs and severe learning disabilities. My family were no support and like you found people asking how he is but feeling they don't really want to hear the answer. Found myself not getting invited anywhere because of his behaviour and the severity of his epilepsy, people just don't want to see it.
My husband left me for another woman . Then my son had to go into a specialist home for children with epilepsy over 45 miles away when he was just 7, as he had no risk awareness and he was getting injured with the seizures all the time. After being a full time carer for years I then lost my home. I did courses and decided to become a Social worker to try and give something back. What a mistake as it's extremely stressful. In the last eight years I have found it harder and harder to remain doing agency work for social services and since July I have not worked. I am either suffering with CFS or depression or both but I'm so fatigued I can't do anything.
Rosie what I will say is that social services are well aware of the difficulties carers face and they are there to support you, they won't just take your children from you. Don't let yourself reach crisis point you need some respite from your caring role and you and your husband need to have some me time to enable your relationship to stay together. I use to go to an evening course or try a carers centre where you can meet people. The difficulty is when you have children with disabilities everyone struggles to get time out.
I am now in the position where I don't fit in with anyone. I recently fell out with all my family as they have not been to visit my son for 8 years and I had, had enough of staying quiet. I am to ill to go out and have recently been started on anti-depressants however I am planning on moving nearer my son when I am better and I am going to get a less stressful job even if it is a lot less money. I will also go back the Gym. Look after you Rosie in order to be able to continue to look after your children x
Dear Rosie,
I wonder if you could read a bit about borderline personality disorder & see if anything seems to fit. So many people suffer for decades for failure to receive a correct diagnosis. BPD is actually called a "good new diagnosis" these days because there are very effective therapies -- dialectical behavioral therapy in particular. Good luck, dear.