Scared of sliding back down into a living hell

Hi all.

It's been a while since I have been on this website. I was suffering from anxiety/clincal depression from around this time last year up until not so long ago,I eventually got to breaking point around Christmas & asked for help before it was too late,the circumstances around how I got to that stage are a bit hard to explain but after a few hard months of AD's & self determination I pulled through & was an even better version of myself than I ever was before. I'm 27,male & have a good job abroad with lots of amazing friends both here & back home. I was also very fortunate enough to meet an amazing girl of whom i fell in love with,so much so we had made plans to go away & travel next year,now her feelings towards me were the same from what her parents & herself told me. So we went on a holiday last week & it slowly fell apart & to be honest it has absolutely broken me,mentally & physically,I have lost weight,can't sleep,can't focus at work & just feel absolutely awful from the inside out. I honestly don't know what to do,I can't find any positives from the situation,it's also making me think negatively of the nice life I have. I'm scared to go near the doctor incase they throw AD's at me,although i can't be sure if they actually helped or not all I know is the side affects from them are not worth it in the beginning. I really don't know who to turn to,it's not fair placing a burden on my friends & family. Some advice would be much appreciated as I really am scared of what's to come. Thanks for taking the time to read this

I am so sorry to hear this Colin, what a shame this had to happen when you were doing so well.

I really think the only advice I could give would be to go to your doctor.  They have more to offer than just anti depressants.....maybe some talking therapy of sorts.  You certainly sound to be in need of some professional help to get through this.

I am sure your family and friends wouldn't consider you a burden, they really should know how you are feeling so that they could help you.

My heart aches for you, I wish I could do more.

Pat xx

Well I understand I've been there and I am deeply sorry for you.  I know when I'm not well and feeling like I'm slipping back into that pit of darkness It helps to get my thoughts out on paper.  And you did that by posting this while also reaching out to others who understand your feelings.

Life has a way of sneaking up when were teetering on the edge.  I hope you will reach out to your friends and family and continue to post here as well.  Feeling guilty or bad because your thinking its not fair to those who care for you is just the depression talking to you.  Although I don't know your circumstances I hope that there is atleast one person that will be a shoulder if you find yourself in need.

Exercise a walk or ?  Journaling, or maybe finding some busy work that will keep your focus on other things besides your girlfriend.  I know it helps me when I think about and envision those in the world that are suffering in ways different from my own situation.  It helps me to remember I'm not alone.  And then I try to think about those things in my life that I can find some gratitude for.  

I hope things work out for you.... Please remember your not alone in this and their are those that understand and care~

Stay well~

A~

Hi buddy,

I feel your pain. My experience of severe depression is that we hope for things from other people that often they can't provide and this leaves us frustrated and in despair. Communication is key (as in all relationships). Are you able to express your feelings, needs and hopes for the future? Sometimes this is easier done by writing things down. At the end of the day, we have ourselves and we find inner strength to fight on another day in the hope that things will improve. No one can guarantee an improvement - a lot depends on you, your motivation and thoughts. Of course, depression pushes us down but you can be strong. You are not a burden to anyone - this is a negative self-criticism that you can overcome. Tell someone you trust how you are feeling. If you don't think they can cope with everything, then just tell them as much as you think they can cope with (or as much as you can cope with sharing). Please keep in touch and don't make any life-changing decisions without talking them through with a close friend, health professional or loved one. Please don't give up on your dreams. We all need hope in our lives. I believe the best is yet to come :-)

Take care my friend. Digsby