Hi all
This is my first time suffering from depression. I have now been on citalopram for four months. I also take diazepam occasionally. Most of this time I have been in bed with an occasional walk round the block. It is my daughters birthday today and she really wanted me to go out to breakfast with her. I woke up retching with the prospect of going out further afield. I have let her down due to fear and feel dreadful. How am I ever going to return to work if I can't extend a radious of my small walk route. How am I going to attend my beautiful families special occasions. At 55yrs is this it for me? Laying in bed. No apetite and no motivation. On 30mg of cit it seems to help with depression but not my anxiety of the outside world. Never had this problem prior to my depression. Any advice really appreciated. Let my daughter down big time today. So sad.
hi i am suffering from depression i have had depression for a long time i get a lot of panick attacks which is not very nice i am 52yrs most of the time i just shut my self away as i fill i just cant face any one do you fill like that
Hi Alison
Thank you so much for responding to me. Yes I am frequently shutting myself away. I stay in my bedroom most days. I can't understand why I can't get my act together and face the world and resume living life. How do you manage to cope?
Thank again
Lorraine x
i find it very hard to cope with day by day life and when any one gos on to me i just lose it it is very hard i am on the same tablet as you but i am on 40mg
Thank Alison
Let's hope we will get there soon xx
Hi Lorraine,
I am 43 and a lifelong sufferer of this dreadfull illness and I am so sorry to hear your pain at the moment as I too have had many " crashes " some lasting 6 months or so of not being able to leave the house and as such missed many family events and let my family and friends down,
Firstly the guilt is horrendous and just feeds your depression so the thing you need to do is be accepting and kind to yourself as you are ill ! Do your family know about your depression / anxiety ? If not the 2nd step is to share that with them and tell them to do some research of their own to help them better understand your difficulties thus taking any commitment pressures you may have off you.
Thirdly and most importantly there is hope ! And for every " crash " I have had there has been a recovery and I have managed to return to work and reconnect myself with the world, it's a hard journey but completely doable.
Keep well and keep talking here as there are many on here who have loads of personal experiences to share
Luvs xx
Ps, go you for taking walks round the block ! Keep up the good work xx
Wow what a wonderful response. Thank you so very much. Can I please ask what your longest period was of reconnection with going out and returning to work. I will keep walking the block. From the heart
Thank you xxx
Hi, Lorraine...I hear ya, sweetie....I have had off and on depression for many years. Just when I think It is over, it can sneak back like a thief in the night. I have taken to my bedroom, where my three dogs and I stay for most of the day. It is my safe place or my sanctuary, if you know what I mean....I lie on a heating pad for my back, which makes me very sleepy. Last week my sister called and wanted to come for a visit...She and her husband are staying the nights in their RV, but she spends the days with me. I got so nervous that I nearly fainted, knowing that I couldn't stay in my safe place all day...She may be here for two weeks, so I have to learn to get outdoors again. The last two times she visited I ended up in the ER with stomach pains and headaches....She was here yesterday, but we staying in my living room all day just talking. Today she wants to get out and do something. Needless to say, I will be leaving my "comfort zone" and I'm scared to death. I know I have to face my fears. I'm taking Luvox, and Cymbalta and antianxiety meds, but, somehow I am over powered with this scared feeling.
If I can do it, you can do it, sweetie...Let's face the world together. There comes a time when you have to get out among people whether you like it our not...Do you have a comfort zone...Is it your whole house, or just your bedroom in your bed...Please keep me informed....we can do this...together....HUGS.
Hi carole
Thank you so much for your wonderful response and inspiration. I stay in my bedroom and that's been the course for months. I will try and take a leaf out of your book and try harder to come out of my comfort zone. Please let me know how your getting on and yes let's go for it!
Much love and gratitude to you
Lorraine xxx
Is it to late to force yourself to do something with your daughter?
Sometimes that is what we have to do.....The depression DOES cause the feeling of not being motivated to do ANYTHING.
And we get used to laying around..habit....I also take citalopram....but I find I have to FORCE myself to do things. I'm 51 and left a job of 19 years....by choice..and now feel it was a BAD move...so I am beating myself up.
I went into a spiral of drinking. Since I have been recovering from that...I have to force myself to find at least one joyful thing I can do during the day...even if it is just going to a local store to buy supplies for the home.
When I'm out I feel like an alien...but when the breeze or the sun hits me a certain way, I'm glad I went out.
Hi missy
Thank you for responding. My daughter was very understanding but I have promised to go out for a coffee with her tomorrow. I like very much what you said about doing at least one thing daily. I'm going to try harder to go out. That breeze on the face sounds great!
My gratitude to you for responding
God bless and wishing you continued health.
Lorraine xx
Sweetie, I'm so proud of you...If you want to be my friend on FB, I would love it...just let me know...We can get strong together. I'm sure I'm old enough to be your grandmother, so I have a lot of good advice for you...HUGS.
Your welcome...just force yourself to go tommorow.
Today...run to the drugstore..buy a hairpiece or a magazine...or something you like to perk you up. Chocolate?
LOL.
Smile....good days to come
Bless you and thank you so much that made me smile xxxx
That will be great xx I think you will find its the other way round and I'm old enough to be your grandmother!!! I am 55 lol.
Thank so much for everything xxx I will get my daughter to reactivate my fb. Xx
Warmest and sincere gratitude to you carole xx. And looking forward to conquering our fears together xxxx
Report back what you did today that was good for YOU. 
Hi missy
How kind of you to ask. To be honest it's been a bit of a flop but on a positive note I have promised to go out for a couple of hours tomorrow with my daughter. No doubt I will be retching but I'm determined to do it come what may!!
How has your day been? And thank you for spending some of today helping me.
Big time bless you xx hope your day was ok???
Lorraine xx
Hi lorraine so sorry that you are suffering. I too find it almost impossible to open the front door let alone go out. Then circumstances changed and had to adapt to going out in my car ( my outdoor comfort zone ) to take my Son to college and drive my youngest Son to school. I would physically shake, but I had to do it...Ok I have to take diazepam before leaving to get into the car...I do not answer any calls and when the telephone rings my heart jumps into my throat. I agree about the guilt feelings for not going out with my children. My isolation became chronic after my spinal injury and the need for me to use walking aids. I felt like everyone was looking at me resulting in full scale panic....trying to run on crutches is almost impossible...I can see a light at the end of the tunnel I will do it for my boys. One day at a time..jx
Hi Jane
Firstly thank you for taking the time to respond to me. sorry to hear about you spinal injury. I think you have been really brave forcing yourself to go out to make sure your children get to their destination. I am going to try very hard to go out for an hour or so tomorrow. It will be the first time in months!
I cannot believe I couldn't join my daughter today on her birthday. Made me really sad. Getting posts like yours inspire me to try harder. I am so grateful to you Jayne. Wishing you continued health. And many blessings for your input to me and others.
Warmest wishes and sincere gratitude
Lorraine xxx