Why do I constantly feel so ugly all the time? I'm so sick of looking at pretty fit young women and hating myself. I imagine my husband wishing I was like that again and he has to constantly tell me that he loves me just the way I am. I just feel old and everyday I want to cry knowing that it's just going to get worse. I get so stupidly jealous thinking my hubby is looking at them when I know it's just my stupid insecurities playing tricks on me. He is very loving and says I still do it for him and always have. I feel bad for him that he has to constantly reassure me. Anybody feel this craziness?????
I am the SAME unfortunately. Hugs
Trust your husband, you’re going through this “stuff” and you WILL get through. Sounds like he’s a good man and loves you, lean on him, it’s what marriage is about and perhaps he wants to feel like he is helping you through. Journey together.
EVERY day almost all day. Undressing to shower is awful! 'Old, fat, and ugly' is what goes thru my head. I am blessed to have a positive, strong, supportive husband. That has been a tremendous help. I'm glad you do too. Some gals aren't so lucky. Hang in there. You're not alone! ☺
Same same same!!! I never thought I was a model but the last 6 months or so I have felt a troll!! I do my best and just try to forget it honestly..if I need to crop or filter or picture or 2, so be it, at least it makes me feel better if I have to post a picture! My husband keeps telling to stop being ridiculous, but I’d rather actually say “you are beautiful “ or “you look nice today” but whatever..it seems so shallow but I can totally relate! Hang in there!
I'm sure he probably notices the pretty, fit young women. So do I (not in the same way 
lol...I see them and wish I looked like that again...when I was young, I was very fit and thin...very healthy...not now. But if he gives them a glance, so what? He LOVES you and is still attracted to you.
My husband tells me I look fine too but I sure don't feel like it after gaining 25 lbs and getting flabby on top of it. My belly is all puffed out like I have a beer belly and I don't even drink. I'm sure you notice fit, young men but that doesn't mean that you aren't attracted to and love your husband! It'll be ok
and one final note, I know it's cliché but true beauty is ON THE INSIDE! Let your beauty shine through!
Whacked hormones and our body losing tone and collagen plays with our minds. I was never a pretty woman just decent so menopause and postmenopause brought back the same insecurities. It is like being a teenager in an older body and my teen year involved a lot of bullying about my looks.
Make sure you are hormone balanced(even though I never am even with HRT) and check your thyroid. Go to a nutritionist and have him or her tweek your eating style. A health food chain we have in the U.S. has a nutritionist who can give people a free consult. I've been eating from my house mostly and a bit better selection of food even though I have been eating pretty good already and though I haven't really lost weight I feel like there has been a shift. I have been making myself eat more vegetables.
Try not to compare yourself to others. Easily said then done. I do an interest meetup and one day the original organizer who I took over for showed up a meeting. She is about 4 years younger than me. She came in all thin, pretty and sassy. The last two I am not. I instantly felt like a wallflower. I had to talk myself out of a hole the rest of the night. I am 57 and she is about 54. That night or next day I get a message from one of the men at the meetup and he said we should get together in the city we live in for lunch sometime. Now mind you most of the people in my meetup are way younger so after I casually said that sounds good I started to think how old is he. I messaged my friend and she texted me she thought early 40s. Nothing materialized from it but it made me realized that people notice people for different reasons and we are attractive from the inside too. I think what got me noticed was a brief exchange I had with him after someone had asked a question and I laughed at his response.
I just finished a japanese drama where a man mentors a woman on how to get a man. She is in her late 30s which I guess is considered over the hill in Asia. Anyway he says to her after he observes her on a date with an old crush you need to own your age basically. He saw that she took the backseat in the date. Waited on his needs even though she was a confident doctor who had her own business. He said older women possess intellect and they can challenge a man which peaks his interest. So the best thing to do is own what we possess as older women. We have skills, we know things that some younger women don't and we can learn new things we don't have to be stuck doing the same thing.
If I were you I'd start planning dates with your husband even if you feel like crap. Do classy dates and silly dates like hanging out at arcades or ping pong halls. Do stuff you would have done when you were young within reason. I started to go to kpop concerts and that is seriously a young person genre so it used to take all my courage to go to a concert. Flirt with your husband be silly. Fake it until you feel it. As you flirt with him he'll flirt with you and it will boost your confidence. Start together on getting healthier. Make it a couples thing so you both can be hot together. Good luck.
You are obviously a well educated person and understand others very well. I will do what you suggest and appreciate and thank you for your advice. Everyday I wake up and think "here we go again with the self doubting and insecurity" and dread going anywhere knowing there will be much younger and perkier girls out there making me feel old. I just don't know how much more I can take at times. It's not just the looks either, it's just that they seem so happy and full of hope while I feel like Eeyore all the time...doom and gloom. You definitely give me something to think about though. Hugs!!!
Hi laura370,
Whens the last time you changed your hair style? Hair color or highlights? As we age weight becomes a problem for all of us and we have to work harder to shed them extra pounds. Believe me, ten pounds lost can make you feel like a new person then updating some clothes can be a big winner too. Keeping updated on styles with clothes and hair can bring much confidence to us women as we age. Yes, we are never going to be 20 again but we can stay young feeling in mind and body by doing some pretty simple stuff. Yes, losing some weight is not easy but can be done. Soon people start noticing, hey, have you lost weight? Gives your mind a big boost as to how you feel about yourself. Not sure your age or if your in menopause or not but a healthy lifestyle and a update on a few things can go a long long way for our outlook. BTW, I am 58, been in menopause for 3 years. About 5 years ago I felt the same as you. Does my husband find me attractive still? Your mind can go crazy on you. I've lost 20 pounds, changed my hairstyle, stay updated on clothes and got myself on bio identical hormones. It has brought my confidence up. Now I don't feel the gloom and doom that menopause brings, "I'm getting old now". Instead I feel like this is just the beginning to the second part of my life. Just some uplifting thoughts for you. Good luck!
Hi , I’m sorry your feeling so insecure.
I can relate to that as well . I feel very insecure all the time . I feel very fat and unattractive most of the time.
I think we need to appreciate how special we are and try and love ourselves again .
It’s very hard at this time I know.
Lots of love and best wishes
Linda 😀xx
This is my second post to you. I don't want to make light of your situation. I had to into therapy to deal with the hormone drop and what life threw at me. I even wanted to go into the hospital because of the depression but my doctor at the time told me that because of the state regulations once I got in it would be hard to get back out again right away. At least at that time so I white knuckled it with meds. I think therapy is really helpful.
I feel insecure and worthless all the time.. I don't want to socialize that much either. I don't know what's with me. I could lose a few pounds but it's impossible for me which makes me feel even lower. I have too keep telling myself it's the hormones that is doing this..
Yuppers! Feeling a wee bit inadequate these days and to make things worse, every night all of my "should haves" race through my brain. And like you, I have no foundation for this. I still look pretty darn good and we've had a pretty good life. Just hormones. Midlife crisis. Lol.
I feel this way every single day so far in menopause. I used to feel very feminine, and look it, dresses, heels, whatever i wore i would feel good, sexy etc.
no im a (he-she) I know that looks are mostly in the attitude and mind, and so with what im going through mentally with low mood, anxiety etc. i have lost the flare, the attitude, all of that went away. But i will have you know that i am making a comeback, i dont know when but i will. You will too. !!
x0x0x0
I felt I wanted to go into hospital because I was so depressed but I didnt think about the problems of getting back out again.... thanks for enlightening me....I was just so tired fed up and down...... yikes
Hi Laura,
What a great post! Yes, I think that insecurity and obsession are extremely common at this stage of life.
Even though I am very active and fit, and I can look around at other women, even a number of years younger than me, and know that I have a strong and slim body, my brain still seems to find any of my perceived physical "flaws".
I sometimes obsess about any lines on my face or the changing texture and thickness of my hair. No matter how hard I try to let go of these thoughts, they just persist. What I find works best is just letting the thoughts be there, and then my brain seems to eventually let go of them.
When I am in a better frame of mind, I then have perspective and no longer worry about these things.
It's so strange how hormones create this insecurity, but they clearly do.
Just know that you are not alone in your worries, and that they are incredibly normal.
May they pass quickly for all of us, so that we can celebrate the amazing and strong women that we are.
It is so important that we work of valuing who we are not what is reflected back in the mirror.
All the best
I will sometimes walk past a mirror and glance at myself and am shocked at what is looking back at me! Is that really what I look like now!? My hair has become frizzy, my skin is drooping, some age spots and I just am truly shocked! It's like it takes me a second to realize it's my reflection I'm seeing in the mirror! Like it's some stranger that I'm looking at and then it startles me that's it me! What the heck happened to me!? I usually shake my head in disbelief and move on but if I get really shocked at how old and haggered I look, I will actually say something out loud... " GEEZUSSSS! What the hell is this that I'm looking at!!?!!" 😜 I do get flustered at times that I'm getting old. It's sometimes weird because it's like it's a temporary condition and it will pass like the other peri symptoms and I'll pop out the other side of this hell and be oh, 30 years old again! but then I realize it's only going to get worse! I always tried to go with the flow and appreciate the different stages of my life.. easy to do before we REALLY start to age and change! I hope once I get past the worst of my symptoms I will care more and feel good enough to focus on looking better. Many days I'm just happy I feel decent! I do have sympathy my family has to look at me looking very drained and "old" but oh well... such is life!
I know I still look at pretty women and admire their beauty and I'm sure my husband does too. i wish I still looked like I did when I was 25! Hell, I wish I still looked like I did when I was 44! ( I'm 50 now). I know most guys don't worry about aging like women but my husband has aged as well. He's almost bald, has glasses, butt went flat and arms have gone soft!.. I still find him good looking and love him more now than I did all those years ago. And judging by my reflection in the mirror and the way he treats me- he feels the same about me! 😋 I know it's tough and the struggle is real! Try not to be so hard in yourself! I have noticed that as we are getting older we are given more slack. I don't think we are being judged as harshly for not being super slim, super tight or super agile anymore. I know when I see women over 40 and they look more like I do and some look even worse, I don't chastise them for not looking young anymore. I actually find it refreshing that I can go out with barely any makeup ( just a bit of spot foundation and mascara) and wear comfy clothes and enjoy the day instead of being overly concerned with how I look! It was fun being young and tight! i see myself in my 19 year old daughter who looks very much like me! She is full of life and is just a ball of beautiful energy! She also invests a lot of time in looking good, working out and being concerned with if this matches that and what looks good over what is practical and comfortable. I joke sometimes that I'd take being "young and dumb" over this wisdom crap we inherit with age but also exchange for the beauty and energy of our youth... but think how hard it was and how much energy we blew being young and perky! It's exhausting! No wonder we feel so sluggish now! 😜😂
God you made me laugh and I got all welled up with tears because I appreciate that I am not alone!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My husband had lost his hair and has a belly but still grabs me like he did when I was 23, so I know he likes what he sees and tells me everyday. But that nagging voice tells me I'm ugly and old everyday and I fight back the tears. I hope with all my heart I get through this. My husband keeps reassuring me "we" will get through this together. He is very patient and I feel bad that he has to constantly tell me it'll all be fine. Thanks again for making me laugh out loud. You made a lot of good points about how the young have a lot to do to keep looking that way. I guess we need to learn how to relax and enjoy being able to be free from all that hassle. 😉😁🤣
Your husband sounds like a great guy! He's right, y'all will get through this stage together! Then when it's all a distant memory, look back and laugh at the craziness of it all!