I'm scared of work?

Mental health
1

So I finished school in 2006.. I did a few short courses here and there not because I wanted to but to keep my parents off my back and get student allowance. After that to continue receiving payments I had to attend for job seeker thing and they actually helped me find a job. My consultant had a wife who worked in an accounting firm and they were desperate for a junior secretary so he helped me get it. I did pretty bad in the interview but because they were so desperate and because I was hooked up I got it! I stayed there for a year.. I hated it so much but forced myself for the experience. After that I did some more silly courses to receive the payments and keep my parents quiet. Then I got a weekend job in a restaurant (didn't even need a resume) and then I went to uni.. Couldn't handle uni so I quit and worked in a bar for 2.5 years..... Then it started giving me extreme anxiety so I quit. It's been about 7 months now. Iv been unemployed and pretending to look for work so I keep getting my benefits.

I have this extreme fear of writing my resume

I don't know what kind of jobs to look for because I have no idea what I want to do

I don't even know how to look for jobs

Everytime I try and read a job add I think no way I'm not good enough

Then there's the fear of the phone interview which I know I will screw up and IF I somehow got to the next round.. A face to face interview I absolutely know I wouldn't get it

I'm mortified. Iv been mortified for years and years. It's so bad... I have to lie to everyone about what I'm doing. I still pretend I'm at uni and at the restaurant. I even lie to my boyfriend of 7 years!

My parents keep asking me when I'm going to find s job

I struggle to pay for my phone bill, servicing my car, buying groceries and just buying what I want

I'm so ashamed and so ridiculously stressed..

I just don't see what I have to offer any employer or any business.. Nothing at all

I can't even put down my skills on my resume because I feel like I have none

I'm too anxious and depressed to even function and then I'm supposed to go to an interview and trick an employer into hiring me?

I feel like I just have no education.... I feel dumb and worthless and useless...

I'm 26 now and it's just getting harder and harder... If been procrastinating for 9 years!

The thought of writing a resume makes me sick.. Everything I write seems like a 14 year old wrote it. It's ridiculous

Does anyone else have this fear? sad I don't think so....

2

Oh and the only jobs I kind of bother with are the ones that pretty much require no experience, no resume or cover letter..... Iv even thought about working in a brother or becoming a stripper because it's easy to get those jobs here in Australia. I feel like it's easier to just dance naked in front of random men (even though I don't even know how to dance) .... But I'd rather do that than write a resume and go to a job interview

I wouldn't do it but I have been thinking about it lately sad

3

Oh and also with that bar job for 2.5 years I only worked Wednesday's, Friday's and saturdays for 3 hour shifts each. I made about $180 a week which is absolutely not enough AND I drove there for 40 minutes AND I was stuck there every single weekend. I was never really able to have a weekend off..... But I forced myself to stay because it kept my parents quiet and I knew I wasn't going to get anything else. I wasn't appreciated there either even though I worked very hard and was very good at my job. (Even though I have very low self esteem when it comes to this work stuff I still KNOW I did well)

The job was not worth it at all. All that driving and using up petrol for $180 LOL!!!! and wasting every weekend. During the week I was bored and lonely and then when all my friends had the weekend off I wasn't able to join them....

4

I'd say it's not so much that u are scared of writing a crap resumé it's more that you just haven't found the right job for u.. I'm in a job I hate so bloody much but am sticking it out till I can afford to go back and get my degree in secondary teaching... Do me a favour and look at college prospectuses and see if there is anything that might peek an interest.. there's loads of colleges that offer different things you just have to look in the right place.. maybe even moving might be of help to u because different settings can be good for anxiety.. pm me if u ever need to talk x

5

Hmmmm that's a good idea but I feel like I should work for at least a year full time and make some money before I go back to studying and continue being poor lol. And now with all this anxiety stuff I really need money to be able to pay for proper psychologists

I'd also like to go for a holiday somewhere.. And buy myself everything iv always wanted

And I probably will hate it at work everyday, but I can always do that course later on

I just really need money and a full time distraction at the moment

6

I messaged you

I saw that you actually posted in the vertigo section. I'd love to talk to you about it. I think it would be amazing to talk to someone going through the same thing. No one gets it

7

You have anxiety clearly, but maybe if you can figure out what you enjoy in general you could narrow it doen to a job field. You can get a resume written professiinally for you to delete that stress as well. Maybe your stress would get better if you were employed full time. You could take on a si oler job with low stress levels. Janitor at schools they guve good pay and benifits and you wouldnt have to interact much. Im saying look,outside the box a job is a job. You do not have to be the one percent here just fully employed and if your stress level is high seek a simplier job

8

Sounds like fear of failure.  I have strugged with it.  Tell you what I have to do, baby steps!  Do a little bit of your resume at a time.  Make sure you reward yourself by doing something you enjoy afterwords.  I know it easier said then done, but you need to do some positive thinking, as in focus on what your good at doing job wise? Everyone has something that they are good at.  If you in a mood where you beating yourself up, ask a good friend what good qualities you have.  If you don't feel like telling others what you struggling with.  Write in a journal, express your feelings, if they are bad.  Be your bestfriend and stick up for yourself and write what is wrong about the statements of bad things I wrote about.  Don't give up on yourself.  Sometimes just telling ourself we can do something is not enough, we have to fight and do it anyways.  There is a say for those that have fear.  Feel the fear and do it anyways!  I wish you best! You can do it!

9

 ive felt like that all my life and im 55 yrs old now. I was immensley relieved when i got made redundant in december 1990 like a huge weight lifted, and have managed to avoid having a proper job ever since, apart from some part time casual cash-in-hand work and even that was hard to bear, but the thought of having a full time reregular job petrifies me and makes me feel suicidal. i am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but tthey won't put me on sick so i have to go through the motions oof claiming uunemloyment benefit jsa, which is also a nightmare. I hhave to apply for jobs constantly but dread the thought oof aactually getting any of them. its a living hell an im just looking forward to the dday i can rretire but have twelve more years to go

10

Hi trevor07487

We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

Kindest regards

Patient

11

I feel exactly the same way. I have always had an issue with confidence in a big way. I have lost so many jobs and had so many bad experiences. Those bad experiences were when I tried to do a job that was.totally not me - in a corporate busy environment. I'm clever and I know I could do more than low level work but my mental health is very shakey. I have anxiety and depression which I belive all comes from low self.esteem and bad parenting. But lots of is try to move on from bad pasts. I'm pretty lazy too so the combination of low self esteem and lazy Ness is a difficult one. I just really identified with what you were saying.