Hello, I'm 17, I've been going through depression since about april last year. Stupidly i never got help until last week because it got really serious, i almost ended my life i constantly self-harm as it brings me a feeling i suppose?
Anyway i have been with my girlfriend since i was 16, first met her just after christmas. I bought her of loads of problems 'self-harm, low self-esteem etc.' it wasn't easy from the start because of her lod friends being bitches and she left them for me. My depression started in april when i become depressed and anxious about her leaving me because i felt inadequate as i was fro everyone i met. However we/I i got through it. Come to my birthday december 22nd.. I became ill and somehow really depressed i felt confused and unsure about my feelings for my girlfriend.. i became suicidal (btw i was this way in the months before but this was the worst case.) it came and went but for some reason since april this year stuck in my mind with my feelings for her. We argued/argue all the time about my depression or silly stuff. My summer was rubbish because of my depression. A fwe months ago i realised that i actually do love her. It made a little positive, we still met up in the week once and stayed almost every weekend, which i enjoy however we argued because i become down and sasd and negative and ruinied everything. Fast forward to this month, she has almost broke up with me, because she can't handle my depression i almost left her a few times at the start of the year because i was so down and my mind was telling me alsorts. Anyway we are still together because we love each other and would like what happens after depression. My feelings are i worry/feel i don't like how she looks or dresses sometimes (she put weight on her face and has a double chin). My depressive thoughts were persistant and i told her i don't like her chin or hair sometimes. This created loads of problems i regret however i keep saying it. I feel like ending my life because i can't treat her this way. She is amazing and i feel i want to marry her and be the best i can for her but she deserves better adn i just don't want to feel this way anymore i want everything i dream of when i'm positive.
I want to know if my thoughts are even true or irrational?
What could she do to help me?
And what can i do because i can't carry on feeling this way and lose that amazing women!
P.s I'm really sorry if it all seems weird and don't make sense i'm so upset and i didn't know to word or even make sense of what my minds doing to me. There is many things i'd like to say so please feel free to ask any questions about anything.
Hi, sorry to read of your situation, thanks for sharing it.
In my professional experience depression is anger turned inward, in other
words all of our issues real and imagined, if they are not worked through
to a positive conclusion become fixed into our subconscious, which causes
the depression.
You are correct in thinking that if you'd sort help sooner things would not be as
bleak, but the fact you are now getting help is a positive step.
All the best.
Irwin.
Thanks for the reply, much appreicated!
I wish i had got help, like is aid i'm at the edge and i can't take anymore, ruining my relationship and future.
You are very welcome, if you go to a previous discussion I posted
on recommended reading it might help.
depression can cause all sorts of emotions thoughts and feelings a lot of which can be negative. So try and think before acting in order that you don't upset your partner. Easier said than done I know but try and see how things progress.
Richard
See my problem is I'm too scared to be happy in case my mind ruins it?
This morning I was happy and excited then I started thinking I would be embarrassed of my girlfriend if I seen her and it hurt me... Now I'm losing it again and I'm unsure if it's true or not.
you have a lot of conflicting thoughts at the moment and it isn't easy at 17 to make sense of things. Take things slowly and pace yourself. Try and do something you enjoy to cheer yourself a bit.
Richard
May I ask do you believe these horrible thoughts I'm having are true or irrational because I need to learn about what they are? I have my mom on my back all the time depressing me and all these horrible thoughts about my girlfriend who I do and madly loved?
they are most likely to be irrational because some of what you say in your blog does not make complete sense to me. If you are under pressure from your Mum that may not help your thinking either.
Richard
She's always having a go at me for everything and threatens me what not.. I hate my life and mind I wish I could run away with my girlfriend or even away from my own thoughts I feel trapped.
why is she acting this way? do you have any ideas?
Richard
I do believe she is going through the menopause but sometime she blames me for being depressed and makes me situation worse.. My girlfriend shouts at me because she finds it hard to cope? Have you any idea's on what or how to treat my girlfriend while all this is happening please?
what reasons does your girlfriend shout at you for ?
Richard
Because she can't cope with my depression? Because of the stuff I have said to her? Because I'm always depressed and find it hard to enjoy myself?
thats a tough one. Are you able to explain yourself to her so that she understands you and your condition. Or has she decided to be unsympathetic on purpose because she has had enough.
Richard
I've explained to her? She is so positive still saying how she loves me and it's going to be okay and we will stay together? But she gets angry because I keep repeating everything I feel and i find it hard to believe her.
well then the answer is easy. Don't annoy her by repeating yourself. Try to be not replaying the same old theme on the record Be original a bit more and surprise her sometimes. Girls like that.
Gotta go dinner time
Richard
Thanks for replying each time Richard much appreciated and I do surprise her, I try my best to treat her like a queen I'm just sick of being imsecure and feeling like I've to control her because I'm worried, when I don't want too.
Hi alone you really need to try and get some cognitive behaviour theraphy ! Or some kind of counselling it might.help you and your girlfriend to understand what you are going through she stuck by you so far and im sure given the right help you will both benefit from you seeking help ! Just take one day at a time and take care good luck (david)
insecurity is a destroyer of relationships so learn to trust.
Richard