Havent talked about it but I need to get it out I think. So so hurting now.Im a recovering alcoholic (5yrs).Think Im an invert allso.Spent a yr in prison for a 4th driving under in 2009-2010. Fist 3 were late teens early twentys.I am now 50yrs.Single,I cant drive,no social life and no one calls or visits.I reach out but everyone just fades away..Ive been in this apartment sence January exept for work. Am so so hurting and wish it would stop
Ray, please, what are your interests? Can you try to join others who like to hike, go to movies, have an interest in sports? Have you tried singles groups or joining a non-denominational church where everyone is welcome? What reaching out have you done? Why have contacts faded away? You must be hurting if you never see anyone outside of work. Can you make a friend at work?
Hi Ray. You've got yourself into difficult place haven't you... My sympathy would be of little real value but my empathy can be, so here goes. I'm in my 50s myself and like a drink so its not just theory here... all of the points below are to HELP you, so please see them as friendly advice and take action.
If all of your post is true, I can see hope for you. However, you need to start by understanding, and accepting, that no-one is responsible for your happiness except you.
1) You are working.... WELL DONE, that's great. Lot's of people aren't (or won't) its a BIG positive. I'd be interested to know what you do????
2) "No one calls or visits"... they don't do they... why would they? Out of sympathy? Not much fun that. Too many people sit and wait for the world to come to their door... it DOESN'T. You have to go out there.
3) Identify what REALLY matters to you and go after it. My guess is that you want some company, friendship etc. The key here is to find people with whom you have something in common - so what do you like football, art, travel, rock music, ballet, food?? Or what about something you have always wanted to try - archery, ball room dancing. Make a list of the most appealing ones.
4) Use the internet and your local library (just ask) to find out what is going on locally and go along. I found my local archery club and went along for an introductory session - good fun - the people were nice.
5) Use the internet to sort out your travel possibilities - bus, train but don't forget you have legs - walk, run, cycle.... Do you live in a town, city, rural place???
When you go to something, DON'T give people your life story, they will be sympathetic and then melt away. Find out about other people, show an interest in them - nothing too intense. If they ask about you just give them brief POSITIVE details. I work at ......
6) Last point for now.... be pleasant to everyone you meet. Not creepy, just polite and friendly. "If you see someone without a smile.. gove them one"
Making other people happy is actually the best way to become happy.
You can do it Ray.
Kind Regards
Hi Ray, sorry to hear of your struggles. I don't drink so i cannot relate to that, however i can relate to your isolation. I felt very much like you do thou i cannot work at the moment and don't drive either, i am also in my 50's. I decided a couple of months back that i need to sort myself out and looked for local groupps on the internet to socilise. At the time i was suffering anxiety as well as depression so has you can imagine it was a struggle. I found a local group, they don't need to know about your life just that you wish to socilise. It's little steps. I have been the cinema and a trip to London of which i could not of done on my own. The organiser is willing to pick me up and i pay a contribution for petrol, it's all new at the moment and i have only met about 4 other people in the group. I have also joined a board games group also run by the same organisor so i am looking forward to some evenings with them. Most areas run groups so you should have a choice. There are also walking, dining, sports, board games, travel, entertainment , coffee, quizz groups and many more. I have mobility problems so i am limited but no means excluded. There is something for eveyone, groups are all mixed sexes and ages we have ages ranging from 16 to 70 plus. Give it a try, you have to make the move nothing comes to you, you have to find it. Get on the internet and join, most cost nothing to join so look for them groups. Hope this helps. Let us know how you get on. You can pm me if you wish. Lastly i know it is difficult making the first move but it's the only way. Good luck.