What's wrong with me??

Mental health
1

Okay, so I'll try to explain my current situation as best I can in order to try and get some answers or reasurrance from people who may have gone through a similar thing..

I feel like I'm out to get myself. That's the best possible way for me to be able to describe it right now, I can't stop sabotaging my own thoughts and it's honestly ruining my life. I'm generally a very outgoing and bubbly person, nobody I know has any idea this is going on with me right now, not even my girlfriend or my own mother - I can't bring myself to tell them something like this because I'm normally such a happy and positive individual. 

Anytime I get any time to myself whatsoever I can't help but think about the inevitability of death.. the fact that I'm going to die, my girlfriend, all my friends, everyone - dead. It honestly depresses me to the point where I feel like I want to cry, I feel like nothing it worth doing anything, normally when I'm upset I rely on my girlfriend or friends to help raise my spirits but anytime I get even a sprout of happiness from their company my mind instantly reminds itself they're going to die one day and I'm depressed again. neutral

I'm also unbelievably self-concious about my health. Any bodily sensation I experience, whether it be painful or not instantly leads me to believe I have some kind of underlying medical condition that is going to result in my demise. It may sound stupid to some, but it's real to me. I've had countless fully blown panic attacks just because I have a small pain in my eye for a few minutes, or something. And it's stupid because I know it's nothing serious deep down and that it'll go away, but I can't stop myself from getting worked up and overthinking every possibility.

Finally, I go through random waves of being really depressed for no reason at all. I suddenly feel like nothing is worth doing and my entire life is pointless and has no meaning whatsoever. My girlfriend fell asleep at around 8PM last night, and as I have trouble sleeping I was awake until 12AM - and I'd honestly never felt so alone in my life. I didn't want to wake her, so I stayed up trying to distract myself with a constant sinking feeling of being alone haunting my thoughts, along with the symptoms I've described above.

I'd also like to add that recently at random points in my life I suddenly feel like I've been completely disconnected with reality. I'll look at my hands and they look forgein to me, and it's the same with my reflection. My visual perception becomes distorted and nothing looks 'real', it's hard to explain..

If anyone has any answers as to what could be wrong with me and what I should do please let me know! I'm thinking about going to see my local doctor but even typing this on an online forum sounds stupid to me, I feel like an idiot. I don't think I have it in me to tell my doctor, has anyone on here ever experienced these feelings and had them pass without any additional help?

Thank-you.

2

Hi

These are all signs of anxiety.. do you think anything may have set this off has anything happened recently? A death a change in health a relationship all these things can trigger your mind to start over thinking..

Sounds like you may have a bit of health anxiety is there any reason for this..

I had a operation a few years back and I to started with health anxiety.

It's amazing how much it can take over if you focus on it..I started with a pain in my upper right side told ibs I had it for months list loads of weight then I went to see someone who told me over and over there was nothing wrong eventually I started believe this and the pain vanished .. it helps to take honestly so talk to your parents and partner and keep telling yourself each day you feel better .. I know it's hard as these symptoms feel so real.. good luck

3

Its called health anxiety, its just a different presentation of anxiety.  If you get treatment for anxiety in general (meds or therapy) then things should improve.  In the meantime, stay away from google and dont try to look for reassurance all the time - it will honestly make you workse.  See a dr, get some anxiety treatment (dont look for treatment for imagined illnesses which arent there), and things will get better

4

Hi there

I can totally relate to these feelings.

I sometimes wonder what all this is for like work and all the mundane day to day tasks when the inevitable for all of us is death. But that is it, that's the fact, it will happen we just need to make the most of our lives and live them to the max. For some people this will be achieving totally out there goals and for others it will be the little things - getting fulfilment.

I have always had a strong awareness of mortality right from my earliest memories until now. Some of us do. I also have health anxiety and think both are completely linked.

Like others have said go to Doc. Get some therapy. I don't think there is a magical cure but it can help realign your focus and zap those questions and thoughts that can start to impact on having a great life.

The best thing I ever did was talk about it. I told my mom, I told my other half and a told a couple of really close friends. They didn't judge. They understood. In fact most said they sometimes had similar thoughts and feelings (it's just some people can deal with them more effectively than others, we dwellers and dreamers struggle to let go). One of my friend confesssed she is having therapy as well for anxiety so it was a complete surprise and I was so glad I told her we now support each other.

I'm not there yet, I'm still on the rollercoaster but I think (hope ) it's getting better.

5

Please please don't feel silly about this!  Thousands of people deal with this and doctors and therapists see it every day!  It's hard to overcome on our own. 

I would like to share something with you......

 I had that same fear back when I was in my 20s.  Plus all the anxiety symptoms you could possibly think of 

I thought I had Terrible diseases. When I was in my 20s I thought for sure I was going to get a MS because my aunt had it. That thinking was based solely on non-reality. I never developed a MS but I tortured myself by thinking so negatively! All my test came out perfectly.   It sounds like you were doing the same thing with your fears of Something happening to you 

PLEASE don't do this to yourself.! I wasted 30 years with the "what if "thinking and nothing bad ever happened! If you continue worrying all the time, you'll regret it when you're older because you will have wasted all those years when you could've been enjoying life!

As long as you get checked out by your doctor and the test come out good, you really need to put that out of your mind. If you can't do it on your own and sometimes it's hard to, I highly suggest talking to a counselor who can really help. As we all know anxiety can produce so many and such scary symptoms.

 it doesn't pay to read too much online, all we do is scare ourselves more.  

 we can't let anxiety run our lives and our minds. We are better than that and we deserve to feel healthy and enjoy life. We need to be relentless in the pursuit of our health including healthy minds.  I once heard the saying "don't believe everything you think "which is so very true.   Our minds  are  so powerful and  go to the negative if we let it.  I have battled anxiety since my 20s and I am now in my 50s. You need to stay active so you're mind isn't focused on the negative.  I have found meditative audios online that deal with stress and anxiety to be very helpful, also regular exercise, eating healthy and socializing. Doingsomething for someone else can make you feel great and it takes the focus off of yourself and your worries.

The WORST thing we can do is isolate ourselves which causes us to think more and more negatively. You were thinking so much about it and convincing yourself something is wrong with your heart. As long as  we follow up with our doctors and if the tests come out normal we really have to work hard at thinking more positively. You can fix the nd great books at the bookstore on the power of the mind and stress, depression anxiety. 

ALL THE "WHAT IFS" ARE VERY HARMFUL TO OUR MENTAL HEALTH". What if's are NOT based in reality. It is our mind going to the negative. 

 Another reason to get help such as a counselor is that chronic negative thinking Can actually make negative changes in the brain. .     

KEEP THIS IN MIND.....FEAR STANDS FOR.   False Evidence Appearing Real.    Fear is based out of non-reality

Stay Active, exercises dramatically reduces my anxiety!I decided I needed to fight this or the rest of my life will be ruined.  

As far as fear of death, put it into perspective.  ALL OF US are conceived, are born and one day we die. That is something we can't do anything about and we must accept that

. But if you focus on deathyou will only be wasting a beautiful life with worry.  Enjoy each day you have many years to appreciate this life!!  GET ACTIVE! Switch your mind to life, look at the beauty of a sunset, the birds in the sky, etc. get a hobby you enjoy and Laugh!  

You have two choices......live for the next 60 or 70 years in fear and worry being miserable, then pass away. OR LIVE your life with a positive attitude, enjoying family, friends, activities, and taking control of your happiness….Then pass away as we all do at some point. But you will have no regrets if you choose the second option

6

These are signs of an Anxiety with underying Depression. I would recommed you talk to your GP and explain your fears.

I was like you when I was in my teens and twenties, I lost my fear of death wh en I was about twenty six after a car accident where I went into a thick sandstone wall.

Over the years I have waved to the Grim Reaper many times and have been very lucky, Life and death is one of those things we have no control of We are born some have kids then die, we all go and no-one can beat death at this time.

Your situation is not unusual, very common and we seem to grow out of it eventually. I am sixty six last year and things start to drop off, we are getting nearer to the final journey, although the young do not have the right to live and get a pension, many will go before me.

Discuss all with your GP you are not unusual, you are very normal

BOB

7

Thank-you everyone for your kind words and support.

I've decided to go to my GP on friday and hopefully get additional help with the feelings I'm currently experiencing. I feel a little better knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way and I'll certainly try to suppress these thoughts while I'm still young so I'm able to live a carefree life, thank you all once again. 

8

Have you considered keeping a journal. Not just for the moment to moments thoughts. I mean for it all. Like your brain on paper. A part of this is to write down the things that bring you joy, and contentment. Doesnt matter if its realistic or not. These are thoughts and feelings. Then things that drain you. Way too many of us tend to reach OUTSIDE of ourselves and bodies for our anwers. We take outside opinion as more valuable then our own. Same with medical professionals. That needs a balance. We know more then we think. Look you went from a cell to a human to a grown up. No outside dr helped you and no opinions were needed. So you need a balance here. We all do. So keep a journal. Make sections in it and write away. When something feels uplifting, or content within you its the correct direction to bring you where you need to be. A therapist is also very useful if you just dont feel you can properly organize your life to get you on the functional path but  keep a journal is always useful.

whats wrong with you is you are imbalanced. You need more courage and happiness and self love. You are very concerned with the future and have decieded what will and wont happen to you. Only your prediction skills stink so you are programming yourself for negative outcomes. When you lack self love, self acceptance and arent following whats in yourself you will feel lonely. You can be in a room of peple and it wont matter. You must be friend yourself here. Doesnt mean push everyone away there will be like. minds that are more positive and can help you help yourself. But truth is there will some that drain you as well. Time will tell. The journal can help with that figuring it out. Its a like your phone. Some apps are more draining just have to figure out which ones. Fear is a wicked drainer. Thats going to need to go 🤔.  Ill tell of all the thing to help you sort stuff out is they do have weekend retreats or anxiety retreats and they do hikes and long talks and such give it a google in your area. They have teen ones, young adult ones..all kinds. Maybe to help you get your footing.